The Things We Leave Behind - Comments

This story reminds me of something Ellen Hopkins would right. You do a wonderful job with putting the emotions out there. Your layout is simple, but beautiful and fits together nicely. I see so many layouts that are scattered, and that don't match. Anyways, I'm looking forward to reading more. (:

This is such a powerful story, honestly I can barely believe it. I'm actually kind of upset that I don't really have anything to critique. The one thing I was holding out to crititique turned out to be my favorite part of this story. How you capitalized the word "grief" almost as if it was a person. It puts everything into perspective.

Your description and word choice are really enthralling. This is coming from someone that normally doesn't read something from this genre, but I can spot good writing when I see it and this was... amazing. I really hope you continue this, because I can't wait to see where you go with this.

First off, the layout is wonderful. What you’ve written so far is beautiful. Oh goodness, it was a wonderful read! My favorite line of yours was: ”Two words imprinting the backs of my eyelids like written text; Times New Roman font, size twelve.” So original and unique and I loved it. You did wonders with the descriptions of what was happening. You really captured the feeling. I am definitely hitting recommend. (:

This is probably the most powerful thing I've read in a while. The emotions are so raw I could hardly believe this isn't a real published book since it is written just like one. I feel sorry for the characters and I will subscribe to this even though this isn't really my cup of tea kind of story.

-Greg

Oh wow. How powerful is that? I don't even know what to say other than I can not wait to see where this goes!

Don't be so hard on yourself. This story is excellently done. Every aspect of the descriptions and every word choice seems to be well fitted to the flow of the story. She does seem somewhat stoic, but that is a normal psychological safety mechanism. You can still see the small glimmers of pain though and that makes it more understandable. As long as she has some sort of release later in the story or healing I think the way you're starting it is perfect. I'm subscribing and can not wait for the next chapter. It's hard to find good original stories nowadays.

the layout is very cute, i like it a lot. and you have a very beautiful way of writing. it couldn't have been perfected further more than what it is now. you're detailing is...oh my goodness, how do i explain myself? you're just really good at this. good job, and keep it going.

The first chapter was a bit vague but at the very end, I got so pulled in and the way you described the blood and her death - it was a bit haunting and I just found myself wanting more. I really enjoy your writing style, it's beautiful. My favorite part of the all three chapters was And just like that, he was crying these gut-wrenching sobs. He collapsed in on himself and fell to the ground, beating against the dirt with his fists.

^THIS. I just loved that part, I made this pouting face and I just felt my heart cave in. Seriously. Beautiful.

I have to say that I don't really like Ben's character. I also don't really like kids because they can take a toll on you, but Hayden was just downright adorable. I'm not really sure how to explain it, I just don't get the good vibe from him. The layout's also wonderful as well as the banner.

Oh my, This is extremly good. Rather sad though...I can't imagine my bestfriend killing herself...But anyways, This is very well written, And i think God's supposed to be capitalized?

YAY! I'm glad you updated! I like this, and I'm excited to get to know the characters, and figure out what happened with Rose. Update soon! (:

Beautiful layout. Beautiful story. I am subscribing, and can't wait to read more c:

This story is just as great as the other. I love them both equally.

As everyone else has pointed out, the layout is lovely. Clean, readable, and related to the story. <3 Kudos, ma'am.

It's only been two chapters, and already this story has me wrapped around it's metaphorical finger. The writing style itself is lovely, of course, not too wordy but not too simple. And the characters, my God! Jane is so interesting, because clearly, even if Father Mackenzie couldn't seen it, she was grieving, and you portrayed that well. I can't wait to find out who Noah really is, though I have a few guesses. And of course... Rosemary herself. What an enigma. Discovering her story is going to be such a delight.

All in all, the first two chapters are wonderful, I'm absolutely subscribing. Update soon, I need more. (:

Layout is beautiful and I think, after reading the story, that it fits perfectly. The picture is beautiful also.

I really do not what to comment....other than that I loved it. I can't tell you to fix anything because I didn't see anything, I didn't spot any grammatical errors or awkward spots. I was so wrapped up in what I was reading that I didn't notice anything except the story.

It honestly felt like I was reading a Sara Dessan Novel or something like that. It was that good. Seriously, this should be published (once it's finished, of course) and I hope you take that seriously, because I just don't tell that to everyone.

Your writing it's really that good. You portray the different characters so they come alive and I can relate to Jane because you made her lovable to the reader. The emotion surrounding Noah regarding Rosie's suicide I could feel through the words. And that last image with the earthworm....that was so beautiful:)

I hope you continue to write beautiful stories! I will continue to read more of your work! :)

First I gotta say
I love your layout dear
It's like hauntingly beautiful in way :D

Now with your story
I love the first chapter
It just drew me in, I love it
It sets up a nice vibe, for the rest of the story.

Even though it may be depressing,
It's also beautiful in way. I can't really explain.
I agree with Eight Letters Late. about the potraying of grief
And showed how each character portrayed it.

Keep up the good work dear
I can't wait to see more
<3

Wow, the first chapter was great. I love the way you wrote it, kind of in an indirect way, but you still totally got the point across. That's was made it so interesting - the way you wrote it. I think it set up a good vibe for this story, from what I've gathered from it so far.

What a depressing story! I loved it, though, and I'm interested to see what these characters do next. The only thing I didn't like about it was that you used "of course" a lot, but that's minor. Everything else was wonderful. I mean everything. You portrayed the grief well, even though Jane wasn't really grieving. The part with Noah was really sad. :/

I hope you continue writing this! I'm going to subscribe. (:

Summary: short and sweet is my favorite, and this did not disappoint. What a wonderful quote to use. It really gets me thinking, which is awesome.

Chapter one: This was just.. Wow. I mean, the way you wrote this, I felt like I experienced everything the character did. I could hear it and feel it and the description was flawless. The way you talked about the imprinting on the eye lids was one of the most creative things I've ever seen. I'm captivated and very impressed.

Chapter two: I love the difference in this. I can feel what your character is going through, can relate to it even. Once again, your description is beautiful and you knew exactly how to create this tone, despite it being so different. I liked everything about this chapter, especially the bit about the earth worm.

 I think this is truly going to turn out to be wonderful. I adore your writing style and you must know you're very talented.

You did a good job writing the setting. You should update.

Chapter One:
The layout is beyond gorgeous, I just am completely in love with it. This bit of the story though short is so powerful and beautifully written.

Chapter Two:
You are an amazing writer. This chapter is just beyond what I have read on here in a really long time. I felt like I was truly a part of this story. You are an amazing writer and this plot is so interesting. I can not wait to read more.

I love love love this!!!!!!!! <3