Soulless - Comments

You know, I really like that scene. I could all but see the glare Lawrence sent her. Though why, I'm still a bit curious of. As you write each chapter, I've noticed that they get darker and darker. It's pretty strange, sad, and amazing. >_>

He. Did. Not. Just. Forbid. Her. Leave. No, no, no! I thought he was the good guy! You are making me begin to dislike Ewen as well. Why must you make me dislike all the males? =( Even Lawrence has turned mean-ish. This makes me sad.

I finally found one thing you could improve on, by the way. I've been craving action! XD Aha, I think your story would simply perfect with more action! <3

UPDATE SOON! <3

=O I like the title of this chapter very much. I know I never say anything about the chapter titles, but my astrology sign is cancer--meaning I'm very attuned to the water. ^_^

First, I just adore how the horse is her friend. I'm sorry, but it spoke straight to my animal-loving-heart.

" During her time in this place, she had come to learn the the horse was the only friend that she had."
^I think you meant learn that the horse. XD

I feel a little sorry for Eloise. Being stuck at the estate and already knowing that she is to give up her baby? I'd be well into depression if I were her. And still, she has enough attitude against Charlotte! My my, the girl is tough.

UPDATE SOON! <3

I love the first sentence, it was really creative and clever, instead of just saying "it was dark" you went a step further and I am totally digging that so much. Your wording choice has a sort of of sohpistcated persona to it, I think, I immediatly thought of something a little more dark ages. I don't know if you were going for that, but I think it really matched the theme of the story too.

It reminded me a little of Macbeth, actually, maybe that's why it made me think of that era. But I really like it. :)

You use red twice in one sentence, it's sort of repetitive, but not the nice kind. Maybe turning darker, or thicker? Either way though, I like how you mention that her blood is the payment for her sins, again, it's really creative and I like it. I notice though, there are a couple parts where there's a comma missing. Reading out loud, whenever there's a pause, there should be a comma. (scrubbing and scrubbing[,] destroying)

It's small, but I like how you mention "embrace for humans" like she doesn't consider herself one. It's a nice touch. You use "over" twice though, in the paragraph afterward. It's interesting though, how much her attitude changes between the chapters. She's a lot more... broken, in the first. It makes me wonder about her, and what she is exactly. How she taunts the guy calling him "silly human" and all.

It's pretty good so far. :)

I quite liked the language usage, in terms of their linguistics as well as the overall wording technique. It felt extremely proper for the type of story and provided delightful descriptions - I've always been a sucker for really great descriptions.

I have to say though, the summary description is - well vague - but the thing is, I am so glad that I did read it so far because sometimes I worry that vague summaries are the only interesting part; that was not the case here. Only five chapters thus far, but what wonderfully delightful ones they have been.

The tone, the layout, the wording, an of course the writing of characters' attitudes and personalities and their immediate environment was all fantastic so far. Great job.

First chapter: Was very good. worded very well, and the imagery was wonderful.
I love the repeating of the scrub thing. And the fact that she's being tormented by something that apparently she only sees as bad or a sin, I guess. I also really like how you kind of squeezed in her looks into it with practically putting it out here.
"It doesn't matter. even if I do stop.. Even needs to be capitalized.

Two; So I was bit confused at this chapter. But I think I have it. So I'm curious as to what exactly she is. I mean she almost said it but then John slapped her before she got the word out. Maybe she's a vampire...but i don't know. So...she's pregnant?

her lap and covered by Maybe instead of and maybe add a comma?

Three;
her younger a look Younger what? D:
So John seems very controlling seeing as how he locked her there! Not cool, bro. So are the other two like she is? Whatever she is?
Hmmm.

So, I LOVE your writing. Flows together really well. The layout could be better but what could you do?
I found a few mistakes. The biggest is what you do while/after someone is talking.
All in all, I like it.

:}

WOW. This story is excellent.

Layout: the banner at the top is very nice: eye catching, helping set the tone, as well as the layout. The black on red works well, it's readable, and it's not too bright. Makes everything seem even more sinister. I love it.

Your description is captivating. You've got a plethora of adjectives at your disposal, and you use quite the variety of them. I'm glad - it gets dry when people repeat themselves. The way you write this piece, the style, is beautiful. It's a compelling piece that took my breath away from the first chapter and led me in with the summary. Thank you so much for reading this - I look forward to seeing more in the future :D

What'dya know, I was wrong. >_> Baha, ah well, I'm sure you'll end up throwing in a bunch more surprises before the end draws near.

I honestly don't think Eloise is becoming a better person here. >_< The way she snapped at the lady was quite rude. But, theevil darling shapeshifter has grown on me. I rather like her personality hence forth. I do hope she will become niceronce if she ends up gaining her salvation.

As always, I'm anxious to hear more. (Curse you for not making this 5,000,000 words like I said =P Though it still probably wouldn't be enough XD)

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 UPDATE SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Okay, while you cleared up a lot for me in this lovely chapter, I'm still ignorant about why Shifters hate the Fae so much. I know I sound child-ish, but you are mean to not explain that =P Aha, but I still love ya.

I like how you gave us more emotional detail than physical this time. It allows the reader to get a better connection to Eloise. Not to mention that it's awesome to be able to sorta-kinda hear her thoughts on the scene around her.

I'm a bit worried about that lady. >_< I think she means trouble XD

UPDATE SOON! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

If I say that I'm a little confused, would that make me look ignorant? >_<

I <3 the way you described her dress and his estate. Like a fairytale, eh? >_> I'm still a bit iffy on the whole idea of her leaving her post as Lady Bishop. lol Ahh well, I'm sure things will come into the light in future chapters. Right? >=)

Okay, I honestly was very confused about the ending. So, he's a human changeling? Err, my tiny brain hurts. >_< I love what you're doing. You were right, I love this chapter. (Darn you for not updating 5 times in one night!)

UPDATE SOON! <3 --please?!

I loved the first chapter! I don't have any bad criticism or anything! I thought you put in just enough detail and you wrote out everything perfectly. Great job!

I'll do this in order. So, first, summary & layout. I find the idea very interesting and attention grabbing, it really entices readers to read more. The layout, however, I can't agree with. I had to read this with the default layout because the contrast between the red and the black caused my eyes to strain too much.

You have a really nice story here. The character's are well developed and the narration is simple and nice. Not only that, but you were able to insert the summary nicely into chapter 9, which really made me smile. I love when little stunts like those are pulled out. Overall, I like Eloise as a character and the plot itself of the story. Nice job~

Okay, I couldn't wait any longer. I just love this story to much to hold off on reading even for a movie. >_<

Dun dun DUN! The plot has thickened! OMG, she has finally answered the question! OMG! I love it! I want to see what happens next!

UPDATE SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3

Love. This.

Very good description in this story, I liked the use of the scrubbing noises in the first chapter. The layout was good too. Nice work.

Woohoo! I love this! :D

I must agree with MyFrozenHeart. That was just.... wow. Aha.

You really just made me hate him more, ya know? lol And the other shifter, yeah, I really like how he pops in and out unexpectedly >_< I think I shall like him as this story continues on. >_>

UPDATE SOON, love! <3

Wow!
I only got to read two chapters (friends internet is being a pain now -_-) but once I get home I'm so reading more!
Anyway,
The summary was short but enough to draw me in, it didn't give alot way which is really good. It was in a scary kind of way, like a scary whisper.
Love the layout
This is different, which is hard to do but you did a good job of that. I'm really liking this story. The way you describe everything was really good.
May have only read two chapters but I can tell once I read more I will be hook :)

Wow, that was... wow. I can't say any other words it was just intense. I love the ending very much of chapter 8.

The layout really got me. The banner is magnificent. It's exactly what I expected it to be from your journal. The summary is chilling. When I read it, I imagined it in sort of a whisper. Really sets the mood.
I haven't read it yet only because it's late and I feel this is something that deserves my full, awake attention. I just wanted to let you know that you've drawn me in and this story looks extremely promising.

The layout is amazing! Its goes so well with the story. The summary leaves you wanting more. For the name of the girl to be called Eloise, the same as mine it makes me like this story even more. With action in every chapter and your descriptive language outstandings. I want more! :D