July 8th, 2011 at 11:58pm
Poor baby Nicky :(
you did a great job though :) loved the chap
War Torn Love - Comments
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July 8th, 2011 at 10:30pm
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O.O
damn, girl. that was nerve-wrecking. I'm serious, my heartbeat quickened and I actually inched forward on my laptop.
So happy Nicholai won, though... :)
that was an amazing chapter ^^
PS: I don't know what happened yesterday that made you cry, but I hope you're better now, love :)July 8th, 2011 at 06:34pm -
PAGE CLAIM
(just sayin')
<3 :)July 8th, 2011 at 04:25pm -
WOOT WOOT!
Ding Dong the King is dead
The wicked King :P
(I don't remember if the song even goes like that!
Well I loved it again!
and the fighting was cool how you explained it
but not in like uber detail! :D
<3July 8th, 2011 at 04:25pm -
I'm soooooooo glad Nicki won. I was in the edge the whole chappy. I was nervous as fuck girl.
Love ya
Ps. Now let's see what happens next. ;)July 8th, 2011 at 10:56am -
I really like this story, wait, no, I actually LOVE this story. :)July 8th, 2011 at 08:01am
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Ooh, the big bro!!!
Loved how you introduced him, and "A slight rustling of trees, and a very soft thud were the only warnings the five received of Malachi’s entrance" was so beautifully worded ^^
Keep up the good work, love :)July 8th, 2011 at 07:03am -
Um, well that was a rather unnecessary comment. Can't tell if stupid or just trolling...
As for the 'mistakes' and 'things that don't make sense'. They differ to society in our modern world. This is fiction. Therefore rules can be made to the writer's will, and it is an obvious use of creativity especially with the use of characters that live over a long time. And the 'm'lord thing' you are aware that royalty today are still referred to as 'your majesty' (or highness for those not the ruling monarch) and so on.
Also dialogue punctuation can be difficult to do as it is not normally emphasised (though perhaps should be) that there should be some form of punctuation before the closing speech marks. Considering other horrendous spelling and grammar issues we are submitted to by others, please enjoy the lack of other, more obvious, errors.
As for the acre thing - for a start no-one cares if you are a rich kid on a large estate, and as a reader decide which makes more sense to you.
I know you won't actually read this, but I thought that it was an unnecessary slating on someone's first story and this is to show those who read the comments that your opinion (though with little to base it on as you've only read one chapter) isn't widely shared.July 7th, 2011 at 11:43pm -
Ohhhhh I like Mal he's very keeeeewl. I looooove it.
Love yaJuly 7th, 2011 at 11:38pm -
I've only read the first chapter. There are a lot of mistakes and issues I see with the piece. It is original fiction so you can do the whole vampire thing, sure, fine. But the clothing the main character selects and then the way he is referred to "M'Lord" doesn't make sense. This piece doesn't have a definite date set, but the reader can only assume it's current day. Why do they talk like they do, then? You have no real setting established, except for a house that spans "acres."
Speaking of that, you mean the property/land extends for acres or the house? Do you know how massive the house would be if it were only an acre? 43, 560 square feet. I live in an 1,800 square foot home that's massive to me.
Also, stray away from using ellipses unless they indicate a vast expanse of time. You used them multiple times with no avail. Your dialogue is not properly punctuated. Here is a corrected example:
One of the mansion’s servants came in and curtseyed. “M’Lord, I have the champagne and strawberries that you requested,” she said softly, ...
Interesting concept though. Gay vampires hiding during a war. Never would've thought that up.July 7th, 2011 at 11:17pm -
I love how intense it's getting!
=OJuly 7th, 2011 at 04:49pm -
WoW. My face right now =O I'm speechless. This is just greeeeat. I cannot wait for Malachi. When he arrives. Ohhhh shit it's gonna be greeeat.
Love ya and thank you sooooo much for the chappy love
Ps. I see you have conquered the italics code. LoLJuly 7th, 2011 at 04:07am -
AWESOME!!! Sorry I don't have much time, im not supposed to be on the computer...July 7th, 2011 at 03:18am
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can't wait 4 the next chapter!!!July 7th, 2011 at 02:16am
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Pacing is going really well, there is still things being slowly dropped in - I don't feel overwhelmed as a reader and yet I now feel I know them all so well.
I'm liking how it is all going and the politics and social relationships are coming through really wellJuly 6th, 2011 at 10:36pm -
Dundundunduuuuuuun. I think Nicky will win because from readjusts descriptiong of Peter. I can see he's old and a bit fucked up in vampy vamps term.
Love ya
Ps. I'm gonna go read now the one shotJuly 6th, 2011 at 08:01pm -
Ohhhhh I'm looooving all the planning and stuff they are doing soooo they could be together. It truly shows they looove each other.
Love ya
Ps. I've picked some clues buuuut I'm a lazy bum soooo I'll just wait for you to keep updating. ;DJuly 6th, 2011 at 08:44am -
I'm not good at this consistent reviewing stuff, so as from back a couple of chapters, I'm in good old BS (technically Blue Springs), Missouri. xD Gonna be in St. Louis soon for college, though. I'll be a first-year at St. Louis College of Pharmacy in the fall. ^^
Have I mentioned that Anna's one of my favorite characters? xD 'Cause she totally is. (I love them all, in their own ways, but still, she's awesome.)
So yeah, reviewing, right...
-snuggles Em- He's adorable. End of story. (Totally not biased at all xD) It's still kinda odd for me to read him calling Nicky any petname besides 'honey,' though.
Looking forward to the Alice-Greg stuffs. ^^July 6th, 2011 at 08:43am -
aww!!! i was hopin 4 a fight!!! though i dont think the vampiric heir to the throne attacking the were wolf king dude would help the whole 'lets end the war!' thing soo... yeah... maybe there not being a fight was for the best. but yay story!!!July 5th, 2011 at 04:19am
thats the best i got.