Kill the Lights - Comments

Comment swap brought me here. I'm slightly confused because I can't find any chapters for the story. The concept in the summary seems to be really interesting. I kind of wish I could find some chapters to read, because I feel like this story could end up becoming something really interesting.

I only got to read the intro because I couldn't find any other chapters??? Sounds like really down to earth, realistic first person. Props to you for knowing the protagonist well. The cover image really sums up what I expected the story to be about, teenage angst. But I must admit for PG 13, or whatever this is, the image might be disturbing to some readers, but then again, I assume shock value is what you were going for. I guess the cover image sums up the main character very well. It's good that you started out with something relate-able; like what children want to be when they grow up. I love the cynical voice of the narrator. Sort of reminds me of a journal entry, very intriguing. Like I said, I'm not sure if you deleted the rest of the chapters because I cannot find them, then again, I'm new. But I am doing this for comment swap. So thank you, and keep writing, please! Kill the Lights is a pretty good title, you just have to run with it. Maybe develop the main character's relationship with their friends more. But you have a very good, abet, shocking, and intriguing start to go off of. I'm disappointed I can't read more, because it seems you had written more in the past and now it cannot be viewed.

Hey, I'm here via comment swap. I really like this story. I was a bit skeptical at first. The introduction wasn't quite my taste, but the more i read, the more i loved it. I absolutely love the use of first person, not just as a means of storytelling, but as a way to get to know the personality of the character. I think it's really well written, and I love the layout (especially how the banner changes in every chapter). Keep up the good work. I can't wait to read more. :)

First of all, I love your layout so much, everything is layed out clearly and it looks really nice. Also the summary was really well worded and said just enough to get the reader interested in the story.

The thing I loved automatically when I first started reading was how the way you've written it so that it sounds like your being told a story from a friend or something- I don't know if that made any sense. It's not overly complex or anything but you can still visualize everything and you say just enough, which I love.

Overall, I really like Adrianas character and don't have anything to critisize. I look forward to seeing where this is going.

I was a little apprehensive about this from the summary because I feel like the 'not like other girls' trope is a little overused, but you won me over. I immediately noticed the voice of your narrator - the style here is really, really nice and I appreciate that. The description and the wordchoice and the pacing is really well done. I'm impressed!

I would point out that having the band pick out your protagonist for special attention does seem a little bit cliche and I'd warn against having this kind of thing happen terribly often, but it's not unrealistic, either. I've met some bands this way. Just be careful not to overdo it! ;) I do really like that you turned this experience into a career for her - it works really, really well.

This is very fun to read. Thanks for that! There are a couple of grammatical or spelling errors, as detailed below, but overall this is enjoyable.

One

I wanted to see them preform again.
Perform.

"Aren't you going to give me a hug?" he asked, pulling me into his arms tightly.

And for the record, no, I'm not a groupie.
Haha, I loved how you ended that. I think that this one short sentence really brings back her personality and who she is, which I loved, because it seems that a lot of people when they write make their characters turn into whores, as if it was what they wished they could do...

Two

Those cute candid pictures that they take at raves, and then the ones against the special backdrops.

Jealous stares from other fans were something I had gotten used to.

Still haven't figured out why.

Three

"It will take awhile before it affects you," he started to explain, "but when it does you will love it. Get ready to lose your mind."

I like how matter-of-factly you write. You don't drone on about things.

Four

He seemed curious, but there was a hint of accusation in his voice.

It would be a waste not to do something with my skills.

"Why don't we go talk to the other guys and see what they think?" he said.

Overall, I adore your writing style. Sometimes it can be a bit raw around the edges. Like, sometimes I think you write exactly how you think. That's not necessarily a bad thing at all, but it creates a lot of sentences that aren't complete ones and they can be a bit jagged to read.

I love how I can relate to this story, just a little bit. You've clearly lived many parts of this, because I don't think you could have written it so well otherwise. You describe a gig atmosphere very well. :D

You have a few errors throughout. If you don't write this in word, you should find a spell checker before you post, and you need to proof read before you post. It's nothing that takes away from your story all too much, but your mistakes should probably still be addressed. :)

I absolutely freaking love this! This is something that's not only completely original, but it's something people can read and say, "I've been in that place before". This is pure genius. And your writing style is so unique and soooo different. Love! -A

Your writing style is so different and I love it. I can't explain it but I love the voice of it.

This is your candy that should have gotten to you a long time ago. Sorry 'bout that, love. The layout is beautiful. Though I found a some mistakes (like a lot is two words, not one and then some other grammar mistakes. If you want, message me and I'll point them out) it was still lovely reading it. I love how you started it.

I loved their sound and look. I think you should somehow explain what their sound and look is (well I see you described the look later on, so scratch the look bit). Is it dark? Metal? Hardcore?

Other than that, I loved it. It's not boring in the least bit and most first chapters are. And the Pokemon trainer bit was funny. xD But yeah, this is amazing and you did a great job (:

I'll be honest: this is not usually the type of story that I read. The girl meets a band and then they fall in love with her and they all love each other and blah, but I actually enjoyed reading this one; you've gotten it right, finally!

I enjoyed the layout; that was really nice and well put together, and it didn't distract from the story. The banner was creative and eye-catching, so good job on that!

The first chapter was good. I like stories where it seems like the narrator is talking right to me. It was like I was sitting down right in front of me, like we were chatting over coffee and she was telling me the story of her life, so that was really great. The events have flowed really well so far and I am excited to see what else happens. Great job!

NOTE TO ALL ;
This is not a fan-fic. It is true story with original story, as I am writing about my friends & their bands. Sorry for the confusion.

The layout of this story seems to fit the main character quite nicely. The layout it "out there" in a way and I get the vibe that so is Delilah. The font is a little bit too small for me, but I should be wearing my glasses when I'm on the computer.

The chapters seem to have work together quite well. I liked how you used a different banner for each chapter, that was cool. The spelling and grammar are good, I didn't see any mistakes.

Some of the paragraphs seemed a bit rushed. I think if you were to read over it and try combining a few sentances together it wouldn't be bad thing. I just felt myself reading it as if I had racing thoughts or something. The detail that you added was good, it wasn't too much and at the same time it was jsut enough.

This is one of the first fan-fics that I actually liked. Sometimes they seem like an impossible senario but your story seems as if it could be real.

I liked how you chose to write it as if the author is speaking directly to the reading. It was a really unique way to choose to tell a story like this.

Keep up the good work.

The introduction wasn’t really my cup of tea. It was very…well uninteresting. I’m not usually impressed with introductions though, trust me, to get through a book’s first chapter it takes me about a week. I think it’s just my way of starting a story, I don’t expect much. I like the idea however, if that counts for anything.
The second chapter in was a little better. It got to what this story’s actually going to be about which is what I like. Tell me why I should read a story before the tenth chapter. That sort of thing. Anyway, this guy, “Wolf”, hopefully has a better name, like a Stephen, or a Raul or just an actual name right? Or at least a background story to his name if he’s going to pop up in the next few chapters. That’s what I would hope for at least.
As I’m reading the third chapter, there’s one thing I notice. You sort of just list what happens to her. I mean, sure, you go into a bit of detail, but for me personally, just dabbling into what happened isn’t enough. Interesting things started to happen in this chapter yet you didn’t go into enough detail. If you’re worried about your chapters being too long or something, I wouldn’t. Quality over quantity is how I see things. The things that happened in this chapter would have been better if you had gone into detail.
The fourth chapter started off pretty randomly in my opinion but as I continued to read I saw that yes there was a point to it. I’m still curious about Wolf’s name because — no offense but — that’s a really weird name for anyone (no matter what they do). Is it like a stage name?

In conclusion, I’d like to say that your story has major potential and your writing is really good aside from what I have pointed out. I didn’t really see any major mistakes worth mentioning and it was a very easy read.

First off I love the voice of the story. Your already giving us a lot of infomation on the character by how she tells her story. I love when narrators have a personality easily seen through the discription. It takes a lot for a character to come across telling a simple story.

This reminds me of the Friday night I had xD I met this band filled with cute boys and got their autographs lol.

I loved how different she was from a groupie. I love how she's "in" the crowd lol. It's different then most storys where the girls are a groupie or they were friends with the band since they were little.

Nice change and I like it.

Whoa, man. First off, the layout: absolutely awesome. I love how you have the pictures for each chapter, and the atmosphere that it creates sets the perfect tone for the story.

Then wow, you've got everything going on here. The one thing that stood out to me was the part about taking pictures, and how you shouldn't use the flash. It was just one of those details that made the story real for me, y'know? Anyway, this was really awesome.

First off, like everyone else seems to like, is the layout. It's rad!
Secondly, I like how this is written, and I may just have to stay tuned with this story!

I really like the layout and the different banners you have for each chapter, it is really eye-catching and interesting, and all the photos look really nice.

The descriptions are quite good, and I liked how you showed the different kind of things she did and the relationship she has with the bands she takes pictures of and stuff, it seemed really interesting. There were a couple of spelling mistakes and I think a couple of times it shifted tense, but that might just be the way you want the narration to be. Overall, this seemed quite interesting, I'm going to subscribe.

I like the narrative voice used. I don't really see enough cheeky and informal first person narrators, which is a shame because that's such a fun way to tell or receive a story.
I love the description of live music and the life of going to shows a lot and hanging out. It's a life I'm very much into, so it really speaks to my heart and I can relate a lot.
I can't tell if the narrator is the kind of girl I would hang out with at shows or the kind of girl who would get on my nerves at a show. Sometimes she seems cool with normal respectable ambitions and sometimes she seems a bit petty and maybe even sleazy (like her asides about "jealous girls" sort of irked me because a lot of girls I hear say stuff like that have less than innocent goals and are just saying it out of pettiness and presumptuousness.)
Notes:
chapter one
I wanted to see them preform again.
-should be "perform"
The school year ended and I couldn't wait for the new year, maybe they would preform at my school again.
-again "preform" should be "perform"
I thought I might be mobbed my all the jealous girls that were there
-"my" should be "by"
Chapter Two
One thing I've learned is that when you are at shows taking pictures, try not to use flash. The reason for that is because when you are in a room that is pretty dark, you can actually see it flash through the whole room. And because of the lighting differences, it can stun a persons' eyes. You don't want to stun a musicians eyes. They will get annoyed.
-is this your personal observation? because I've actually never heard anyone abide by such a rule. This made me a bit curious. Sorry if that's off the topic of your story though.
Fans could pay a dollar for me to get a couple shots of them and the band for facebook and email to them.
-I also found this to be a bit odd. Most fans, especially if it's a local/small band type show (which is the vibe I got from this story, sorry if I'm incorrect in this assumption), would have their own cameras and would probably find the band themselves and take a picture themselves totally for free. Not to nitpick, but I just don't conceive of very many kids paying some random chick they don't know for something they could and would try to do themselves for free.
Chapter Four
I could see why fans were so envious of my talking to them.
-Again, sorry to nitpick, but this implies that she's one of the only fans that gets to talk or hang out with them. Unless they are douchebags that don't hang out after shows I just don't get why that would be.

Overall, I would say this story is okay. It's not really the type of story I could ever get really into, but I enjoyed reading it well enough.