The God Forsaken Ones - Comments

Sent here through comment swap and I can't actually view the story so I'm not sure what I should be commenting on. I think the layout is beautifully done. It's very compelling which makes me want to read the story even more. The summary has me hooked and from what I've read from that portion your writing seems to be really good! Hopefully this is just a maintenance issue and the story will be put back up for me to read later. :)

Sorry, double comment by accident.

Ok, so the comment Swap brought me here....
But I have no story to comment on.
Maybe it's down for revision? All I see are links to pictures and a comment from 3 years ago.
I can at least give some feedback on the layout. I like how simplistic and clean it is. I always appreciate an easy to read black font. Whoever invented Comic Sans just needs to go away.

I this the summary is really intriguing. Our heroine seems like a "real girl" I could get behind. Cheeseburgers are life. ❤
Then she gets thrown into the dark and dangerous word of vampires. *Boom*
Who doesn't want to read that? I do love a good vampire fiction. Especially if their dark and broody and conflicted. I wish I could offer more imput, but sadly don't have much to go on. Good luck, and I would be interested to read if this became active again.

Brought here by comment Swap and I have to say that so far, this story is wonderful! :D:D Often it's very difficult to do things like this, where life is normal for the character and then they're plunged into basically a nightmare, but I think you pulled it of fairly well. :D

Anyways! Keep on writing! I'm totally gonna subscribe to this. :3

sent here by comment swap but i really couldn't get into the story maybe because this is not the style that i would be likely to read. the layout was also disturbing for me lol

Hey I'm here because of Comment Swap I'm glad it sent me to your story! I really do hope you keep this up; I think it's a really good story so far! I’m definitely going to recommend this story, well done and keep up the good work!

P.S: I love the image you've used and I love the layout!

(Comment Swap)
First and foremost, I really like the title. I think it’s going to fit this story really well; you seem to have reverted back to the original idea of vampires where they’re actually dangerous, murderous fiends, rather than sparkly vegetarians, which is awesome. I approve. The layout looks really nice, too. It’s very simple, but nicely so. I’m also a huge fan of your voice. Your writing is very personable. I think Olivia is going to be an interesting character. I’m not really sure what I think of her yet, but I’m definitely keeping an eye on her. I like where this is going—can’t wait for more!

I love the line about not even the cockroaches surviving. It made me smile. And your main character is so funny. Her view of things is easy to get into. I love how she's not someone who you would expect to be involved in anything out of the ordinary until the moment she's faced with her father's death. And you left at an excellent cliffhanger. Your spelling and grammar are good and your dialogue is very natural and fitting for the age group. Well done.

Oh sweet lord, I already love your MC; she had me at rustic outskirts of Canada. Ohmygod she's just so delicously adorable and quirky. You've balanced her just right, she's not absurdly quirky, she's just fun and likeable. The minute she started describing how a cheeseburger made her
happy I found a kindred spirit. I love the voice you've given her, and I'm enjoyingthe balance between Light heartedness and heaviness you levy in this chapter. You really prepared for the blow at the end well.

I'm subscribing. This is fun. My only thought at the end-- as awful as thus sounds-- was dear god give the girl a cheeseburger.

Okay, I loved reading this story. A vampire tale where the vampire actually seem dangerous and suck your blood! Brilliant ! I get a little fed up with all these safe friendly vampires milling around. And it was really good, the way you had the very ordinary everyday life beforehand, so the shock of seeing her father was even more effective, as it was such a contrast to the rest of the story. Keep going - this seems her readable :)

Okay, this is pretty cool. First story I have gotten from comment swap and actually liked, lmao. I thought it was a really good first chapter. There's one part where you said she walked through the "living," and I think you meant living room. Just to point it out in case.
But I really look forward to reading more of this and will definitely subscribe. And I really, really love the name, the layout, all that. It's all fantastic.
I like your writing, not overly detailed but not underly-detailed, you know. It's a good balance.
Great work and, please, post more soon! :D

I was sent here from comment swap, and I'm glad I was! This was a really good read. Although its not exactly my speed of story, you write really well. I like the layout and summary a lot. You did a great job making her sound like a normal teenager before the cliffhanger of the person in jer hpuse. Keep up the good work!

i love the layout, it is perfect. the writing is wonderful! i love the character. you honestly have no idea how excited i am to see where this goes. it seems very original and i normally don't read vampire stories, but i like this so much. the writing is really good and grammar is great.

oh hot damn. this is awesome. it really is. the layout is fucking gorgeous, firstly, and it fits so well with the story.

the writing is great, like, it's really great. it's light like young adult novels are, but has good description, and great timing (which most YA novels don't have). i just can't get over how good the timing was. i can't wait for more, and i usually hate vampire stories.

<3

Oh my god this is the best story ever. I like how the Vamps aren't the cliche, Twilight, goody -two-shoes vampires. Or at least that's what I got from this. Update soon! (:

From the comment swap!
I love your layout, first of all. It's pretty classy.
I really liked your sentence in the summary, "The world that's been lurking just beyond our eyes, just beyond our reason" I could seriously hear the deep voiced guy that does the movie announcements saying it!
Gah and the cliff hanger!!
I'm definitely reading more!

(Comment swap)
1. I love the name Harlow. You get an A+.
2. The first paragraph got me interested immediately, even though the summary didn't. I like the cockroach part :P
3. I don't like Olivia. She reminds me of my ex-best friend, which means you did fantastic, but I do not enjoy her existence.
4. I'm definitely excited to see what happens next, even though I don't like vampire stories. I'm giving this one a chance (:

This story is incredible. You truly have an amazing talent because vampire stories have been overdone these past couple of years. Although, after just reading one chapter, I know this story is very different. So far I have no flaws to comment on. Congrats.

Recommended, subscribed, I loved this <3 I found it thrilling and it helps I am a fan of vampires and my current story isn't about them so I've missed them sooo much. I related to the main character well, the writing style was lovely, a great layout as well which always helps to keep interest.
Just keep it up, keep developing your talents and I can see this getting better and better.
Sadie Jaye Blue xxx

This sounds amazing!