The Outcome - Comments

I love the layout and the fact that Taylor Lautner is just staring at me every time I go to a new chapter. Its also easy to read and simple.
I want to start by saying I am not a Twilight fan and in all honesty would love to erase the time I spent reading the books BUT your story is making it better for me. I like the idea that you made your own alternate reality to S.M's alternative reality. The idea itself has such great potential and I think you are going to do great things with it.
The summary is too long. Maybe reduce the size of it or consider making it a prologue. Summaries are meant to be short and pull a reader in, and while what you have does pull a reader in I had to double check to make sure I was actually reading the summary.
Short of a few spelling errors the story is written very well. Your description is amazing, your sentences flow and its very easy to read. I didn't have to re-read any sentences trying to figure out what exactly was going on. I like how Erick and Macie interact, its very cute and I like that you're having that pack move to La Push.
Overall you're story is amazing o far and I'm looking forward to reading more.

I do appreciate the layout being easy on the eyes and not detracting from the story. Thank you.

Summary:
I will say this, I think it's entirely too long. It's Prologue material, not summary material. The summary should be shorter and give just enough insight into the proceedings of the story to draw the reader in. The Prologue is meant to preface the events to be told. It's a good read, but not as a summary for the story.

Chapter One:
"Then, also springing from the darkness, came more wolves." Some spelling errors. There are a few others, but that's just one example.

The descriptions are wonderful and very poignant. I really appreciate them. They help the reader get more involved in the story. And it's always nice starting out with action to get the reader's blood pumping. You did a really good job with that.

Overall, aside from some spelling errors, this is a really good start to this. I see potential in it. The only big suggestion I have, again, is to rework the summary and/or use what you have as a prologue-type-thing. Other than that, great start!

Summary:
I love this summary. While it was really lengthy it didn't give too much away in terms of the story and I really appreciated that! The raw emotion is so strong and really made me look forward to seeing your writing.

Chapter One:
I really liked the first chapter! From the way it opened and the descriptions that came along with it to the death of the vampire. I actually didn't realize the narrator was in cahoots with the werewolves, but I think that's a good first twist.

Chapter Two:
While I love the introduction to this chapter as well as Macie and Erick's relationship, I have to say that I really don't like him. He seems possessive and cruel and honestly, I hope he's put into his place at some point during the story (is it possible for an alpha to be put in their place? ah well).
I love how you introduced the rest of the pack. The others seem like sweethearts (especially Max, what a precious cutie. I hope nothing happens to him).
Ah, the cliffhanger at the end. I'm really wondering what's going to happen.

I'm going to end the comment here, but I'll definitely be reading on. I'm curious to see what you have up your sleeve for this story. I noticed a few mistakes that kind of got in the way of the flow of the story, so I would recommend giving it a quick edit. Other than that, this is a really good story thus far. Well done!

So far, I have read the first chapter and I must say it is really good so far! I don't usually read fanfics, because honestly I think they can come off creepy, but so far I am really liking this one. I am going to subscribe and continue reading when I have some more time!

Are you going to finish this?? I really love it and it drives me crazy that you ended at a cliffhanger! Without a doubt, a great story

I am barely on chapter 3. I wanted to read the whole thing before I commented but it can't wait! You're a good writer! You don't bring everything in at once, it has a bit of mystery to it, and I feel there is so much potential for this story, I can't wait to finish it! Keep up the good work! Subscribed and recommended.

I only read the summary and the first chapter, and overall I think what you have here is good, but it's not my fandom and it just doesn't interest me. There were a few places where your grammar needed revision, and I did see a typo or two, but other than that your descriptions are good. It flows well. I was confused a bit at one part of the summary: I like to take sick pleasure in the off chance that they’ll mourn what is to become of me. I cry myself to sleep at night with the thoughts of them not caring either way. That just seems contradictory to me. Like... you like that they'll cry, but you cry because they might not care? It just doesn't make much sense.

I did see that this isn't completed, so I do wish you luck if you ever decide to finish it up.

You're an awesome writer that is the bottom line. The introduction to your story seriously captivated me. It was choppy and hectic, but in such a good way that I thought was really great. You managed to create this instant mood and this really greatly created punch to get the reader interesting. It's not always easy to get the reader hooked from the first paragraph, and you managed to do that.

"My thoughts were being reduced to the primal need to survive and escape." This was my favorite line I must say. I thought that this line really captured the true essence of what you were trying to achieve! I loved that you chose to use the word primal because it really added something special and it added a nice pop to the story.

The ending of the chapter was really great because I thought that it was so nicely done. Ending with a piece of dialogue is not the easiest task, and you did it nicely, and you did it tremendously well I must say. You managed to leave the reader wanting more and that makes for a great writer! (Comment Swap!)

i love ur story keep it up updated soon plz want to know more

Holy shit. You need to update like right now!

33.Oh snap! Angry Jacob is craaaazy.

Oh what the hell!! Now he decides to lose his freaking mind and say that to Sam! Well you have to continue soon now

You HAVE to update after that. Come on.

ahhh!! No cliffhanger!! I need closure please update sooooon! <3

31. D: Ohhh my gooodness. I loved the cliffhanger and the suspense!

Ohh I very much like this layout, it's different and simple but it's very pretty! :) And now I need to know what happens this is gonna be good!! <3

30. OH my. Exciting stuff! And I also am a fan of the new layout :)

This new layout is beautiful!

29. oh dear, so much tension and building up for the ish at the party, i can hardly wait! :)

ohhh I can't wait for those chapters to be posted! I want to know what the turning point is! I can't wait please update soon!! :) <3