Take a Breath - Comments

[comment swap]

Okay, so I read the first couple of chapters and I don't know if it was because I don't really know much about hockey or because I didn't really understand what was really going on.. I wasn't drawn into the story. Now I after the few few chapters, I skimmed my way through because I thought it would pick up and it did. I'm glad I at least stuck around to the end where it made me smile.

A couple things I would suggest is that you work on a little bit more emotion with the dialogue, even just little things can make me feel just a tad bit more for our characters (believe me I'm not saying that I do this all the time either), but just something I really noticed while reading. And most of your sentences seemed to be really short and didn't explain much of what was going on around the characters. That also could have just been from the layout.

Other than that and if I follow hockey a lot more, I believe that this would be a great story and from the looks of it - you have a very solid fan base. So props to you!

Keep on writing!

[comment swap] I only read the first two chapters, and neither one of them pulled me in. I feel like you're forcing it a bit, and the plot line just doesn't seem that interesting. The writing isn't bad, but I feel like there could be more. You only get a few sentences explaining the relationship between the narrator and his girlfriend, and I feel like the fact that they've been arguing a lot lately isn't really an issue of "not clicking." Maybe if you went a bit deeper into the relationship, deeper reasons for them not getting along. I don't know... I'm sure if I were to read more, I might get more information, but it just didn't draw me in.

I'm so sorry I haven't been on here lately but I've had a lot of issues. You are very welcome for helping you with the chapter you were stuck on. I loved how you ended this one and I can can't wait for the sequel. Please start it as soon as you can.

I seriously just read this entire story tonight!
How I didn't read it before now is beyond me!
Can't wait for the sequel!!!

amazing chapter, WONDERFUL story<3 can't wait for the sequel. :D

Hopefully the rehab works and she comes back to Zach, But the summary for the sequel is scaring me. Can't wait to read it!

I'm so happy she chose Zach. I was so worried she was gonna chose the drugs. I'm really hoping she does well in rehab.

Omg, so happy she chose Zach. I would have been so angry if she went for the drugs. And I hope she doesn't relapse. I want her to get help and be healthy. :)

I swear to Jesus if she chooses the drugs.....

She better keep zach! I'll be so angry at asher if she chooses the drugs! Great update, and I can't wait for the next one.

I swear if she chooses the drugs...

Wow...this was really intense and I can't wait for her choice! i hope she makes the right decision!

I like the fact that Zach keeps saying he's done. It shows how confused he is with her. I'm glad your surgery went well! Good luck with your rehab!

So glad that your surgery went well! this chapter was intense. It's a shame asher is so drug addicted that she doesn't see that zach really loves her.

I loved this update. I think it might help Asher if Zach forced her to pick between him and the drugs. I can't wait to see where this goes from here. Glad your surgery went well and you're welcome for the comments. I know I don't like silent readers so I try not to be one. I wish you well on your rehab and hope it goes quickly for you. Please update as soon as you can.

can't wait for the next update! glad to hear your surgery went well!

I can't wait for the next update and I'm glad he took the drugs out of the apartment without her knowing. I hope your surgery went well and that you are back on your feet soon. Update as soon as you can and feel up to it.

I can't wait for the next update! :)

Hope your surgery goes well!

Aw, finally! They kissed<3 and I really want to know what Zach's going to say to her about the drugs. I hope your surgery goes well and feel better soon!

Okay, I could have sworn that I had commented on the last two updates, but I guess they did not go through. BUT ANYWAY, this is getting really intense! I can't wait for him to figure out a way to help Asher. This is so good and I look forward to the next update! :D