Written In The Sand - Comments

I think your layout is very cute and it totally reminds me of a summer evening. And the title of the story is cute too, overall this just seems like it will be super cute.

And I was right, or well I think I am. Just read the summary and was like "AWW! Cute."

Well I just about agree with everyone above my own comment. The kid versions of the character's were great, good idea to use it that way. It was touching and boy was it long, but it was an enjoyable read.

You are doing great work, keep going!

The first thing I notice about this is that it flows very well. There aren't any major grammar mistakes, so I'm not spending time trying to figure out what one word is supposed to be. The scenes from Jack and Olivia's past meetings are extremely cute. Giving us an insight to the beginning of them is really nice and you tell them so well.

One of the only things I would say that needs to be fixed, is using a comma when you writing a dialogue(like electric goat suggested).

Overall, I think this is going to be a glorious story. The way you depict Jack and Olivia in the first chapter is really beautiful, especially how you let them grow closer with the death of Jack's father. It's interesting, heartfelt, and funny-all points I think a story should have. Great job!

This first chapter is really good. I love the way it starts with his confession of love and then every bit goes, "So many years back, so many years back..." That's a super great way to help the reader get to know the couple and all that they've been through. All of the little scenes add another dimension to the relationship, even the lighter ones as opposed to the heavier and more serious ones.

Make sure when you're writing dialogue, if someone is addressing someone else, you use a comma. For example:

"Come here Tim," she said.

Should actually be:

"Come here, Tim," she said.

I noticed that a couple times. Other than that, super great job!

This is for comment swap

The layout is beauiful. It looks very cute and the title sinks and flows well with the story. The first chapter was so damn long. Normally I don't read all the way through, but you had me hooked. I loved from start to finish. Beautiful.

This was so damn cute. The first chapter really touched my heart and it was really heartbreaking at the end,
I plan on reading the rest and seeing where you go with this.
Good job! c:

I thought this was gorgeous. I loved the summary, it made me anticipated to read the story. I thought the way you described the characters as children. It was super cute. The whole thing was cute. This will be an amazing story. Great job(:

Sorry, accidently entered the comment without finishing what I really wanted to say *smacks self in the head* This story is honestly one of the best I've read so far, and I've read quite a few stories on this website. The summary at the beginning was what really hooked me to it. Plus I freaking love the name Olivia and wish it were my name :)

This is super good!!! I like it a lot!

First judgment I made was that I adored the picture. I found it really adorable!
It just might be me, but the way I pictured this was like an old-ish scene, but don't worry. For me, that's a good thing (I like things related to the past).
It was also cute the way you used their kid versions as the introduction of their relationship and how deep their relationship is. Laura is such a meanie, and I like where this is going so far. As I'm reading this, I can't help but AWWW! I've always wanted a guy friend that was like this, and by reading this, it feels like I'm living that wish. Thank you for giving me this wonderful story to read (( : I'll just keep on reading now.

Thank you both so much for the comments! <3

It was really good. I loved the story but it makes me sad to think they wont be together. I can't wait to find out why she broke up with him. Kind of leaves me wondering. Anyways keep up the awesome writing :)

Amazing. Honestly one of the best things I have read on this website! It was well written with good details and a good plot! I had to keep going back and figuring out their ages (I'm slow at math haha) but that was part of the fun! I also like how you showed in the summary what would happen to them, making the whole thing a little bit more deep I think! Amazing job, I loved it!