Ah I'm really loving this story!!! They are both so adorable, and I lobe Megan! She is so energetic and friendly!! I claim her as mine (if only she were gay...and real..) hopefully Jason accepts himself. And I love the flashbacks, it gives the characters a stronger personality and background. Wow long comment. Umm..yea! Your awesome!
I don't totally love it or absolutely hate it. It was kind of on a middle ground. This whole Jason x Ryley thing... not sure how I feel about it just yet. Still a nice update, though :] And I don't hate you, silly banana :3
Hiya :). I got this from comment swap and I would like to say that I did really like it. You express the characters nicely and give them good dialogue. There were a few grammar and spelling errors but I think that running it through spell check first should be helpful. Overall, I think this story will do great! :)
I’ll be truthful here – this story isn’t my cup of tea. You have great characterization, awesome dialogue, and a cute plot, but otherwise, I couldn’t get into it. You have many spelling and punctuation errors; for example, at the beginning of chapter one, the word ‘faggot’ is spelled wrong. I suggest running a spell checker over this to catch any stray errors. Also, you’re missing a few commas and periods at the end of dialogues. Getting a beta (you can find them on the forums) for this might help catch any further errors that you have.
This story has potential, but like I said, it’s just not my kind of story. I wish you the best of luck in continuing this!
The first sentence of chapter 1 has the word "faggot" spelled wrong. I'm not trying to pick on you but maybe you should run a spell check to catch errors; if a reader catches a spelling error so early on they could be quick to skip out on the whole story because the spelling is incorrect.
I am tooooootally disgusted with the first scene of the story, too. I'm sure that's what you were going for, and if so, then you sure did it. But I'm sorry to tell you that this really isn't my kind of story; I was sent here from comment swap even though I checked "original fiction" and this is a Batman story. Sorry!
I will start by saying what I liled about this. I found that the plot was exceptional, and I thought it was quite origonal. The flashback was also a great way to start off your story.
Sorry to say that those are all my compliments. The characters seem a little unrealistic. I mean people at my school beat eachother up all the time, but lockers, really? Unless you live in a 90's sit-com there has never really been locker stuffing. I also want to feel drawn into your story. You may have just pulled a Michael Scott. That is a term I made up years ago for a story with a lot of potential, but there isn't a character that isn't completly hair ripping annouin and winny. This can be solved by taking the time to add a few appealing traits that aren't just physic. I know his friend is supposed to take that edge off, but I wasn't wanting to see what happened to any of them by the end of the first chapter.
Don't get discouraged just think from a readers perspective sometimes
Hello there. :) Where to start... Hm... I'll start from saying how I found this story of yours and it was through comment swap. Xd I enjoyed reading this. You have a few writing mistakes here and there but nothing too major. I like the banner. Btw I'm interested in the characters you created and I have to say I liked the whole plot idea. :) Well done. Keep the great work and share your imagination with me and your fans. Xd
I like this a lot, thus far. However, I think it would be helpful to head the chapter with whomever POV it's in, and personally the little mistakes make it harder for a Grammar Nazi like me to read :] But otherwise a very good story so far. I look foward to an update!