Marvel Her Beauty - Comments

Comment swap brought me here and I was soooo excited because I love love love all things Marvel and X-Men. However, like many others have said, the only problem I've noticed is the grammar. Other than that, the story was great! Really wish there was a sequel!

I really enjoyed reading your first chapter! I love X-Men, and this was interesting to say the least. You definitely did a great job with building the initial suspense, which was a great hook for the rest of the story. My only criticism would be regarding some of the grammar and syntax. You had a handful of run on sentences, which made your story somewhat hard to read at some points. However, overall, your story was quite enjoyable!

Here from Comment Swap!

I LOVE X-Men so I'm pretty excited to read this! I love that the first paragraph gets right into it.
I feel like the writing is a little clunky in some parts, using "the consequence..." rather than something more simple, like "Her landing was uncomfortable and damaged her leg slightly, making her an easier target to her predators."

You've created a suspenseful atmosphere, especially with the fight between the girl and the creature; I'm eager to see if she makes it and just who this creature is.

There are some run-ons and too much detail in particular in "They were both dressed in black leather which hid away any multi-coloured skin on their abnormal bodies, their eyes were the only revealed parts and even those weren't an ordinary colour, shining a glistening yellow and no matter how alluring those eye's seemed, Ginger knew the Mutants were deadly." I think this could be shortened, or even broken up and could flow better. "Dressed in black leather, their multi-colored skin was hidden; only their yellow eyes glistened beneath the garb. No matter how alluring those eyes were, Ginger knew the Mutants were deadly."

It is a little confusing as to why the Mutants ran away, and which character is positioned where in the scene.

However, while fast-paced, this is a pretty interesting concept and a good first chapter to the story!

Comment swap brought me here!! I love your story so far!! Please feel free to read mine!

Hi!!! Comment swap brought me here. I will admit that I'm not a very big fan of X-Men generally, but I really love the details you have here. The concept is also really good and I think a lot of people don’t really think about the concept or the details before they start to write something. So, it’s refreshing to see that change.

Hi! I stumbled upon this with Comment Swap. I have to say that this story, isn't really my side of the books. So needless to say, I was hesitant to read it at first, but, it's not just because of the type of story it is, it's because I never seen x-man a day in my life, and I had no idea what the hang was going in through out the story, but the further and further I read, the more I found myself wanting to read more and more. You were fairly detailed with out being to detailed and boring. I really did enjoy it. I can't wait to see what else you decide to do with it. -Emi

This isn't exactly my cup of tea. I'm not big on sci-fi. I enjoyed the concept though, and you write well. It was fast-paced, which kept it exciting, but wasn't too fast that you overlooked too many details. I also really liked the way you named your characters.

I really liked how you included so much details in this story! I also love how you shaped your characters, as well as your use of words in the title! Ginger was really interesting to read about, and I can't wait to read more!

Edit: Just realized I posted this twice sorry!!

I really liked how you included so much details in this story! I also love how you shaped your characters, as well as your use of words in the title! Ginger was really interesting to read about, and I can't wait to read more!

Sequel!!! You have ended this one at the perfect place.

Comment swap: This is really good! The writing is a bit matter-of-fact in some places, and there are a few times when you simply state that "as a consequence, this happened", whereas you could probably use some more descriptive language to explain what's going on (e.g. "This did nothing but make the Mutant more persistent, his face contorting with rage as he wrapped a second hand around the girl's neck.") Apart from a few small details like that, though, I really enjoyed the story and I think you're an excellent writer! :)

Hi there, I'm here through comment swap.
love this story, it's great... It's well written and the description is awesome! Your writing style is amazing and your flow is perfect.

I read through your first chapter and I'm going to start by saying that I like Ginger ,an interesting character, I like that she's not afraid .

I'm not much of a sci-fi person but this story was pretty good I liked the ideas with the 'children of the atom' and the ideas there. It's a bit of a shame the user deleted because the story was pretty well written despite a few grammatical errors here and there, but I liked it. Ginger is a great character and the writer did a great job at developing her. Further, I'm not even into X-men, and this was good.

Hi there, I'm here through comment swap. I read through your first chapter and I'm going to start by saying that I like your style. There's room for improvement, I think, but overall it's very nicely written. Ginger seems like an interesting character, I like that she's not afraid to be sarcastic. Although I think this account is inactive now, so I'll just leave it at that. Cheers!

First of all, that title was just freaking brilliant oh my gosh. I absolutely love cleveer titles like.

Moving on, I really like Ginger's character. I like that she has this sort of weakness to her and this vulnerability, but you see her building up as she tries to get ready to fight, and I really love her growth as a person as she begins to learn.

I love that you started out with action that sort of defined the story. It wasn’t a boring setup that felt like a chore to read and it kept me interested.

I thought this story was brilliantly written and I really enjoyed it!

PLEASE WRITE!!

This is really good! I love the layout with the nebula. Like other users have said, try to improve your grammar a little bit. Other than that, the story is going great.

Here from comment swap:

It's a pretty nice story so far, but the grammar can definitely be improved. I find myself having to stop at certain parts to re-read it before I understand what it is you're trying to convey. There are some words you don't need to hyphenate, and some things you don't need to capitalize. My suggestion is just reading over your work before submitting it or asking someone to help edit. Otherwise, I think the story's not bad so far.

Here from comment swap:

It's a pretty nice story so far, but the grammar can definitely be improved. I find myself having to stop at certain parts to re-read it before I understand what it is you're trying to convey. There are some words you don't need to hyphenate, and some things you don't need to capitalize. My suggestion is just reading over your work before submitting it or asking someone to help edit. Otherwise, I think the story's not bad so far.

Here from comment swap:

It's a pretty nice story so far, but the grammar can definitely be improved. I find myself having to stop at certain parts to re-read it before I understand what it is you're trying to convey. There are some words you don't need to hyphenate, and some things you don't need to capitalize. My suggestion is just reading over your work before submitting it or asking someone to help edit. Otherwise, I think the story's not bad so far.