Messy Ending - Comments

I really like this so far. I am usually not into band fiction, but this is ok for my taste. I like your main girl, she' not your typical fan girl who is totally in love with him and is stalker crazy - dating him in her mind type. lol I am not a fan of POV changes in the same chapter but I'll get over it. I'm seeing it more often so I guess it's whatevs. I liked that Ben is still thinking about her and is upset that he cheated but...don't most guys? lol that's just me sterotyping.

Anyway, there are a few grammatical erros so I would just sugggest going back and re-reading what you've written. I do it all the time and find a lot of errors in my stories that I just skip right over with my eyes.

:)

I love this story. I've always had something like it floating in my head but it never really came together. Good job on it! I cant wait to read more!

i cant wait for them to run into each other :)

I've been waiting for this chapter! I cant wait for more! Update SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is really good. I have to admit, I wasn't sure if I'd like it at the beginning, but as the story went on I got hooked. XD I love Dia's personality and the way your character interact. Keep going! :)

i love the story so far, i cant wait to read more of it :D

Ahh! I have to read moree! xD Update! :D

Like some of the other commenters, I'm not that familiar with Asking Alexandria, however I do like where the story's going. I liked the way you portrayed Ben and how you can clearly see that Dai’s an exception to the ‘other girls’. I also like how Dai is written, and love how you write her friends personalities as well :P

Okay I comment as I read, so I'm sorry if it seems like a train of thought.

Although, I'm not a fan of Asking Alexandria, I do applaud you for writing a good fanfic here.
I like the characterization of of main female, Dai. One of my favorite personalities in fictions is the girl being innocent and getting together with a guy far off from her personality. Okay anyways, the relationship that the two have even in the first chapter is just ugh, i love it. I love how Dai is over-thinking herself about the casual one night stand, and how Ben is also doing the same thing. I also love how you ended the chapter, with Ben saying the same thing Dai said in her car. Ben has a girlfriend?! No. He can't. Him and Dai are meant for each other. Awww! Ben admitted he was an asshole for cheating on his girlfriend, Ali with Dai. And he thinks Dai's gorgeous! He also thinks she's not a slut which makes me love this story more. Off the topic, though, I noticed there's grammatical errors too. Such as capitalization of words in the middle of sentences, though that can be easily fixed! It doesn't take away from getting into the story so it's a minor issue. I have to say, your story is one of the only Asking Alexandria stories I've read ever, and I have to subscribe to this, because I do want to read more. Great job and continue writing please. :)

The summary instantly let me know that these two characters would be foiling each other, yet some how end up making a relationship work and most likely blossom. Your first chapter is nicely written, and reveals the innocence of the female, in a sense. I also like that you are comfortable with profanity, and don't hesitate to use it.

I like your story idea! I'm not too familiar with Asking Alexandria, but I still enjoyed it. I like how Dai's just an innocent little server at a restaurant, yet Ben's a rockstar who cheats on his girlfriend constantly with any girl who wants him; and yet they're drawn together after they hook up and can't stop thinking about one another. I like how you portray Ben's confusion, how he doesn't even want his girlfriend anymore half the time, even when he's as drunk as she is. You have some grammar that could be corrected, and some more descriptions rather than dialogue would be helpful, though this does has a nice balance in it for the most part. I think you did a wonderful job :)

I am a huge fan of Asking Alexandria and there aren't many stories of these lovely lads that I have found that is actually really good, now having said that it did take me a few chapters until it had me hooked which isn't all that uncommon. Personally I don't really like the layout that you have for the story and the font could have been a tiny bit smaller, but quiet frankly if you like how the layout is then you shouldn't worry about my opinion but I thought I'd just let you know anyway.

The paragraphs are well spread out which I prefer as I strongly dislike paragraphs that are long and blockly, I would say that you could work on your grammar just to do with how you set out your sentences and use with the commas, also I think the content would appear better if you used paragraphs and not have single sentences within the text.

I LOVE it can't wait for more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Very good writing. I'm an Asking Alexandria fan and its hard to find good stories written about them.. its mostly chopped up and boring to read.. this is really good please please please write more :)

I'll admit, I'm not the biggest fan of A.A. bt you have a really good writing style. the layout could be better, but that's just my personal taste. and I liked the character page, too.

sorry, I guess I didn't write enough the first time around.

I'll admit, I'm not the biggest fan of A.A. bt you have a really good writing style. the layout could be better, but that's just my personal taste. and I liked the character page, too.

...I am a new fan.

I've always heard of Asking Alexandria, and have listened to plenty of their songs, and I went to one of their shows a couple years back (to see a headliner that came on later that night); but I'd never found myself getting much into them as people (in the ways of fan fiction and getting to know the musicians behind the set and whatnot).

You, my dear, have completely changed that. :)

I absolutely love this and would ADORE. reading more of it; in fact, if I don't get to read more, I may just go into withdrawals.

Update, love!

Molly

It is a good start for this story. Nicely written and someone who has good grammar. Nice touch, haha. I like that you added a character page. It allows me to read and picture the people at the same time. Keep up the great writing!!

Such a good story, got me hooked on the first chapter! Can't wait for more! X

gosh ,please write more! one of the best bb storys ever. :)
apart from this, i feel a little bit sorry for Ali. =/
but anyway good chapter liked it! =)