Echoes of Lost Boys and Cigarette Smoke - Comments

First off, I suggest adding capitalization to the title. Just something that bugged me.

Second, that was an intense read! It's a great short story! I don't know how you'd make it longer, but I rather love the way the characters interact. Not too sure about whether the nicotine addiction is enough to drive Noah to whoring himself out, but I'll confess to naivety on the issue. However, the way you use the imagery of the cigarette, the reference to Winnie the Pooh, it was brilliantly done! I wasn't expecting the twist of sex, and though it wasn't an addition I was expecting, it was definitely well written and a nice touch.

Oh my. What did I just read? You must keep this up! It was brilliant and well written. Amazing. I love me some boyxboy every once in awhile. Hehe. I very much enjoyed reading this and couldn't stop. Though it was difficult to know if Noah (before you stated his name) was a boy or girl. Still I think now I should've known since your title states "BOYS" but oh well. Too late for that. Anyways, I hope you keep writing this story because I will subrcribe. <&3

wow, i was gripped for the entire thing. i just kept reading on and on and on. the layout is great, and your writing is just brilliant. also: congratulations on second place in that contest. you deserve it with this.

wow this is amazing. it's sick and twisted and i love it! i ate up every second of it. it was the perfect length, the variety in sentences and paragraphs was perfect and it was just great!

i don't know if there are any errors because i couldn't stop reading to check. the layout is beautiful too, it is so crisp and it works so well. <33

You had me at the first paragraph; its completely and utterly captivating, and I was pleasantly pleased to see your poetic dance with words continued right on up to the very last line. You paint these images so beautifully, they're so vivid even despite the dark context of the story everything is completely captivating. It's amazing how you can make an item as plain as a cigarette appear Luke something so much more complex and mystifying. I adore this story-- as well as your username. Congrats on this, its beyond fantastic. I absolutely love it.

I love the title of this story, already it's pulled me. The summary was very intense and has me questing everything. Christopher is gay? Winnie is a guy or a girl? My mind is running. In the first paragraph of the chapter i got this idea that he's talking about being gay, I could see how he would describe it as something you didn't even realize was there. This was crazy amazing. I usually am not interested in slash because they never really frame it right but this, this was good.

1. I love this layout. It's mysterious and dark and relates to the title perfectly. I also really like the quote, as I'm sure basically everyone reading this can relate to it.
2. Your diction is unbelievable. The words you chose to describe everything are beyond perfect and I absolutely love it.
3. I wish we could have gotten a glance of "5 year old Noah", but it doesn't take anything away from the story. It might just add a little something.
4. I hope you did well in the contest! You deserve this. It's incredible.

Ooooooh. The poor child. ;___;

I really like this story. Seriously. You genuinely convey the "lost" air of boys that grow up like this, with nothing else to cling to.

I love the repitition of "I wonder if five-yearold me.." throughout the story. It brings back this bitter feeling, as if I can see how Noah "was", before, as a child, even though you never really show him to us. It makes a contrast between *this* Noah and *that* Noah. And I love that.

Also, I love the dull, impassive way they speak to one another, as phlegmatic as, I suppose, the smoke coiling out of their burnt cigarettes. Not only can I see the smoke, but I can hear it in their voices. Everything about these characters is wispy. Even though I don't know you, I can't help but feel proud of you for that. XD

Good luck with your contest, I say, and I sure hope you win it. I'm subscribing even though I don't think this story should go on any further.

I really liked your layout because it set the tone for the story and I liked the quote.
I liked how you opened the story in your first paragraph and how you provided ample descriptions throughout the chapter. One thing I noticed though, was that twice you used "it's" instead of "its". You used its properly the first time, but the other two times you used the "it is" contraction isntead of "its". That wasn't much of an issue though, it was just something I noticed.
I liked this line a lot: I wonder if five-year-old me would be proud.
I thought this was a solid story about growing up and leaving childhood innocence behind. I could feel the tone of regret in the words you chose. This was well written- great job!

First off, I really adore the layout. It's pretty. You've done a great job with this story. I was really impressed. Your writing is in a style which I really like and a couple of the lines you wrote really entranced me. For some reason the line "burnt ashes fall onto the dusty floorboards," I absolutely loved. It seems to be both simple, yet complex. If that makes any sense whatsoever. :D As for your spelling and grammar, I only noticed one error. In the sentence, "I’m not done my smoke yet." I think you left out a word. Perhaps it should be "I'm not done with my smoke yet." Besides that, I really don't have any other critique. Overall, I really liked your characters and I think you're a very talented writer. Great job!

I love the opening paragraph. It enveloped me and had me thinking about what the story would be about. I think you did an amazing job writing this story and I really have no criticism. You were very descriptive, but not overly so. I like how the writing was kind of choppy but still flowed.

WOW. First of all, I love the title and the layout. I can honestly say I have never read ANYTHING like this. I like how it’s short, yet it says so much. I find it dark and beautiful at the same time. Overall, it’s very well written as a lot of people before have already said! Haha :)

(I had to repost this for comment swap purposes. I'm sorry)

the tittle got my attention from the start and the summary made me want to read more :) i like how this is so well detailed. this story is so dark and different from others i have written and maybe that is why i like it so much. this was very well writen and i hope you do write continue :)

Wow, this was really good! Your writing style is very dark, and intriguing, and i'd like to read much more of it! Keep up the good work, and i'd love to see more chapters possibly added!

WOW. I can honestly say I have never read ANYTHING like this. I like how its short, yet it says so much. I find it dark and beautiful at the same time. Very well written!

Some food for thought while I was reading.

five[-]year[-]old me would be proud.

Same thing for the second five-year-old me.

Overall, I love the imagery of this, and the whole vibe to the piece. The characters you've built really shine in just a short span of time and I'm thoroughly impressed with that.

I also love the last line. It leaves an unfinished feel to it, but it fits perfectly.

The writing was also really great. It had a good flow, the dialogue formatting was correct and it lacked grammatical errors.

Great job on this!

xxx Bee

A lot of people's first reaction when they read this is "Wow", and honestly, I don't blame them. This is beautifully written, with some traces of dark humor laced in here. I can really relate to the narrator, but not because I'm a smoker or lust addict, but because I have friends who are like this. I can feel what they feel, and this really draws me in.
This is an amazing story, and I'm excited to read more of what you have to write with everything else you publish

CONTEST JUDGEMENT:
Wow. This was shockingly amazing and beautiful and just wickedly mesmerising. There was just something about this piece that really made me want to read more, that just urged me to keep reading about Noah and his strange obsession and lust over cigarettes. You expressed his obsession perfectly, and I commend you for that. Your style is one that I really love- it's just so nice to read and is quite raw.
There was only one mistake with grammar but I'm not going to be nasty and bug you about it!
This story is unique, and the layout is beautiful- I couldn't have made one better myself!
I'll be marking this out of 50, but your score will be released to you when I announce the winners- I'll be looking to see how you go in my contest!

Thank you for writing such an amazing story- it made me one happy reader! :]

Literally, the first thing I said after I read this was one word. "Wow." I thought it was incredibly well written. You are a spectacular writer. Just excellent. The okt was great, the descriptions were great, the characters were great, and this was just a great story altogether. I commend you for such an amazing thing. :)

"Wow" is really all I can think to say. This story is poetry, it's so beautifully written. I love the tone of the story, I can feel the regret and the detatchment when I read the story. It's great, and I hope you will continue with it.