Cherub - Comments

These descriptions are incredible! I was hooked from the first paragraph. (I'm here from comment swap by the way) and I really enjoy your work so far, you've got such an interesting way of writing and I love it!

Amazing work! I love it! (here from Comment Swap)

I love your descriptions and the little details you add into the plot, they really make it a memorable read for me. My only piece of criticism is that the layout/format of the really big and spread out paragraphs is a little hard to read simply because I can get kind of lost halfway through a really long paragraph, and then I end up skipping around unconsciously when it just looks like a big block of text.

Comment swap! I'm glad that it brought me here, I quite enjoyed this story. It's a great plot and your detailed explanations are all very great and very informative. The plot, like I said, is great. It's a very great and unique concept and I'm a sucker for really cool and interesting names. The layout is very well made and I love the colours you used as well. Very great story, I'll recommend it.

This is a really interesting concept you're working with. You're attention to detail is great and you're very descriptive. I've only ready the first chapter so far but I'm intrigued. One thing I would fix is the lay out of the story. Instead of centering everything put it in paragraphs like hoe you'd type it in Word. It just makes things cleaner and more presentable. Other than that it's great!

i love the whole plot of this, it's just a really interesting concept to work with, and you've done it really well. i've not read all of this story, but i'm well into it and i can't wait to finish this comment and carry on reading.

the way you write as cherub is lovely too. it really feels like you're inside her head, especially when she's talking about the colours she's seeing in connection with sounds. there were a few little spelling errors, but i think it's mainly stuff like 'caked' instead of just 'cake', so just finger slips whilst typing.

it's really good. <3

I really like it
There are a few grammar mistakes, but other than that it's amazing.
I hope that you continue as it seems like it could go far

I really like how different from other story this was, it was very unique. I really like how you have written Cherub readers are able to relate to her. If I were you I'd go back through and edit it again. I'm picky with grammar but not spelling because clearly I can't spell.

Wow. Just truly wonderful. I just love how you you describe sounds as colours. I thought that the start was really slow but it turned ou to be really good. The lay was hard for me to read but that could be due to the fact I'm half blind. I think that with a bit of work it'll make a really good story

I like the thought behind the story, but I thought the beginning was a little slow. A story should always have an intriguing opening line that makes the reader wonder about what is going to happen next. I think the story has a lot of potential, but it's just too slow for me. Don't give up, though. You're really talented. By the way, I like the name Cherub. It's different in a good way. -A

This is a very unique story line! I love the descriptions of sounds as colors. I also love the name Cherub; very original and pretty. I also thought the layout was simple yet lovely. There are a few places where the words don't flow together seamlessly, but overall this is very well written, and again I love the idea behind it. Very nice job with this!

This was a really good story, but the layout was a bot distracting. I don't know why I thought so, but I guess it's just a personal preference. The concept that you described in the summary is brilliant, and really original. I really can't wait to finish reading this!!

I like this, except I don't like the layout - the layout makes it extremely difficult to read (and normally I am not one of those people to complain about those). I'm also trying not to complain, so sorry! Other than this, it's extremely well written and I like it.

Hey there. Some food for thought while I was reading.
[] - Add
{} - Remove
Not sleeping or even resting... >> I think the "even resting" line was accidentally moved to the next line so just watch out for that.

just waiting-for the next day. >> Not quite sure why the hyphen is between waiting and for. It would read fine without.

"the feeling had grown like a melon..." >> I love this line.

You have a great mix of imagery and internal monologue that makes it easy to get through and doesn't drag along.

18, 18th >> Eighteen, eighteenth. Nitpick of mine, write out numbers.

"Oh, happy birthday[,] bumblebee!" {,} [My] >> Comma before you address someone, no comma after the dialogue. Be sure to get rid of these, you can get reported for this.

"{}I can't believe it's been eighteen years!"{,} [She] >> Unneeded space before the dialogue, and unneeded end comma. "She" should be capitalized because it's not a dialogue tag.

"Happy birthday!" Mom said. >> Right
"Happy birthday!", Mom said. >> Wrong

...on my lap[.] It >> "It" is capitalized, so that means that the previous sentence must end.

"it's silvery, metallic..." >> This is present tense. "It was silvery, metallic..." would be the correct tense.

...with big boxy letters[.] "[Eighteen] years ago..."

The writing is great in this - the description, the flow and the concept of the dialogue.

What needs polishing is the grammatical construction of things. Like your commas outside of the quotes, or lowercase letter when it's not a dialogue tag.

These are easy fixes though, so you shouldn't have a problem. If you have any questions, let me know!

I really like Cherub's character - I've tried to write someone similar but I've never mastered it, but you have, my friend. She's meek, but in a likable way. She kind of makes herself feel like she would be a forgettable character, but I can tell that she definitely won't be.

Great job with this! Happy writing(:

xxx Bee

This is quite an interesting story. I like how you wrote about a disease rather then something others have done a million times before. Everything flows so smoothly and it's easy to follow. One thing though is in the third chapter you switched points of views and you should have something to differentiate between the two.

This is an amazing story. The layout is beautiful, and it matches the storyline perfectly. I love the use of detail and description used throughout the story and Cherub is a very strong girl and she is very interesting. The story flows very nicely. It is a fantastic story, please continue it and update!

I really like this story. The writing is so dream like and beautiful. Cherub is a very interesting character. Your layout is very easy on the eyes, simple yet elegant. The only thing is: watch out for spelling and grammar. Other than that, I love it!

I've made it to the third chapter so far, and it's pretty good :) Cherub seems like a pretty relatable character, and that's the key to getting a good start. I like the whole concept you wrote out in the description, too. Solid story :) The only thing I'd be careful of is typing errors and run-on sentences. It's not a big deal, but it would make the chapters much more clean looking. Excellent story :)

First off, in the summary, you have ”and has not one friend but and old cat”. It should be an[/n] old cat instead.

I really like how descriptive this is. I’ve never heard of such a disease, and I think it’s great that you’ve written a story about it. It’s very informative, and I like it! It’s very inspirational too. There’s not much dialogue, but it works for this story 

I am not particularly fond of the layout. The title of the chapter is kind of lost in the background picture. And the spacing of the paragraphs and words could be a bit neater to fit with the story and everything. But that could just be me! And I know that the New Mibba layout template is very weird and confusing and such, so it’s not really such a big deal but it’s something I noticed.

All in all, great job! Bravo!