Behind the Lines - Comments

You're very good at describing the scene at hand which I admire. Especially the way you describe the first paragraph, it really sets a tone. I honestly am not a fan of stories that are in the present tense just because so many times it leads to really awkwardly put together sentences but I think you actually did a decent job at that. Maybe watch your use of 'I'? Especially when starting a new sentence. It's pretty tricky I know, even I struggle with it. All in all though, I really enjoyed it.

Come back I loved this story so much

Comment swap brought me here! I've just finished the first three chapters. I think you have a strong sense of details. You're very descriptive and I really like that! My main criticism would be to "show not tell," when it comes to details. Like you don't have to say, "I blurt out, not regretting anything I said." Just show us through details that she doesn't regret it. You also have a lot of foreshadowing that I think is good to keep readers interested!

I like the character, and I like the names. I also appreciate your fairly colorful vocabulary. You use a strong array of words when you write. My main criticism would be that you have too many lengthy sentences. Consider using shorter, choppier sentences to break up the long ones. A variety in sentence length will make for a smoother read. Also, you don't have to explain every detail of her movement. While sometimes that is a beautiful thing to read, it isn't necessary to spend a whole page detailing how she got up off the ground to move. Allow the reader to make some inferences.

First of all.. I love journey's name! Exotic names are my thing. She reminds me of myself, espescially in the first paragraph. You are really good at description and I like your layout. The only thing I would say, is maybe make the ext a bit bigger because it's a bit hard to read. Other than that.. good job! I didn't read it all but it's good :)

I've only just read the first chapter, but it's already great! It was all really detailed, even her sitting in the grass. You've got a way with pulling people in, and there's this huge underlying question of what happened- over all, I thought it was awesome! I also loved the description of his eyes, that was a nice touch :)

Update soon I love this story and have to find out how it ends!!!

Comment Swap!
At first when I read summary and I saw the word "Werewolf" all I could think was , "oh no." I was afraid this was going to be another twilight spin off or something but nope! The first chapter got me hooked! I've only read the first chapter for right now but I'm subscribed now! The descriptive paragraphs were great but once you got into dialouge I felt like you were rushing through describing and the end of the chapter came too soon. Watch out for that! I do it too, so no worries. I really want to know what happens next so best of luck to you!

~Cafuné

I'm really sad about the celeb thing. It seems like he just disappeared into thin air all of a sudden.. I liked him and Journey together. I hope you still keep their relationship a tight as possible. I still don't think she should forgive her family / old pack so quick --That goes for their alpha too.

Really loved this chapter! I cannot wait to see what the prank is :D

I am usually a silent reader but I love your story so you need to update so I can continue reading. I LOVE IT. Update soon!

I got hooked by your story! Is amazing! keep it up!<3

yay for at least one of the brothers being decent. I love Brandon!

That first line is a great hook, probably if the description of Landon was put first that line would immediately make me not want to read it. Great relationships and good grammer, those two make for a great story, KUDOS.

Loved this chapter I was literally smiling the whole chapter, it was my favorite so far!!

Adorable, theyre being friendly!

Love your story :D Update soon thankk yooooou Oh and your other story, Hope to Die is also really good

Awesome. Update soon please :D I love your story

Latest chapter is hilarious! I Love this story!

i really love your story