Winners - Comments

Ahh I am in love with this story! I'm a big hockey fan (especially of the Kings, no less - ps, stanley cup winners '12 yayyy)

I normally don't like switching POVs between guys and girls but I am really enjoying the way you write it. It is most definitely changing my mind about POVs.

I could tell right from the get go that I was going to love this story and I do. You have an amazing writing style and I found zero grammatical mistakes and spelling mistakes, which I am always acutely aware of when I read stories.

I love Harper's personality because I can totally relate to it (especially with my hectic work schedule). And Taylor and Lily are like my best friends in real life. My friends literally act the same way haha. It's great to be able to connect to the characters in stories like you have done so well. Yay!

I'm really looking forward to your next chapter, and I subscribed. <3 :)

So first off, random changing pov's are my biggest pet peeve so trying to focus on the plot line was difficult for me. Maybe you should get a layout too, because I greatly despise the default one. You're a good writer though, and these things don't take away from that. Keep it up.

to be completely honest, before comment swap brought me to this story, I had absolutely no idea who Kyle Clifford was.. but I really like this story!! :-)
you have a good writing style, and a way of making things flow. and that's helpful AND enjoyable for the reader.
you obviously have a talent for writing, so don't give up on it! and, pretty please, update soon? can't wait to read on!
- Olivia <3

First thing I notice with this is the changing POVs. This is problematic and sometimes confusing, especially since the switch is within one chapter. I mean, how often do you see published books spelling out whose point of view this is? Just a small tip (but don't worry too much, I think most of us have done this at some point in our writing careers).

Within the first couple paragraphs, I like this Harper person rather a lot. Very respectful and easy to care about. I appreciate that. Also, I laughed at the comment about Canadians being obligated to adore hockey. I feel unpatriotic for not caring about it. :P

I like the description here, and the tone. I feel like there's a real voice to the story, which I do enjoy reading. A couple of grammatical and style errors, but nothing glaring (other than the POV thing) and nothing that really detracts from the story. :)

Well Comment Swap lead me here first of all.
Second.I'm not a huge kings fan but reading this made me smile. I'm interested in the fact that Harper is an equestrian girl the fact that both of them are on opposite sides of the sports world makes for an interesting story.
I really like that you made them opposites. The fact that hes a bad boy and only wants a one night stand. Shes a good girl working two jobs and goes to school.
This seems like a genuine story, no alternate reality which is nice because so many stories are unreal in how people meet. I really like this a lot.
Sarah

im not a big fan of hockey (no one kill me!) but this story is pretty well written. I do like Harper's character because I can relate to her at times. I just dont think this story is for me because comment swap brought me here but i know a friend that will love this story! dont stop writing!!

Hello! I hope you remember me, comment swap threw me here this time :)

This is the first hockey fic i have ever read. To be honest, it has never caught my interest before. But it's interesting so far!
I love Harper's character. She seems to be a very fun-loving and witty person. Harper and Lily are a good combination, and really fun to read. Taylor and Harper are very funny together too. I like you manage to write the banter and interaction between Harper and her friends, it's all very natural.
I'm glad you're going to explore the two characters more in detail! I know what you mean, i've read too many fics that seem to bring the two characters together far too quickly and it's sickening. I'm dying to know how you intend to bring Kyle and Harper together!

I really enjoyed this story. I felt like you did a great job making your original characters feel realistic with their backgrounds and their interactions. They didn’t feel like they were kind of just jammed into the story just to be there, and as someone who also writes original female characters in their fanfiction, I can appreciate that. I have to admit that, though I liked reading both Harper’s and Kyle’s perspective, I felt like the point-of-view switches in the middle of the chapter were a bit sloppy. I would suggest maybe expanding upon what’s told from each character and just alternating point of view between chapters because it’s a lot…neater, and that would eliminate the need for awkward labels each switch.

Let me just start off by saying that i love this! I usually read musician stories but this is the first hockey story I have read. You are an amazing writer and I love how you bring the characters to life. After reading the summary, I knew that I couldn't wait to read this story. You are doing such a great job and I can't wait for the rest!!! Oh and I also want to thank comment swap for suggesting this awesome story! I'm subscribing for sure :)

I have never before read a Hockey fan fic but this one has got me hooked and its only the first chapter I really like it, your detail in the first chapter is really good I get what is going on with out getting confused.
I like how you put two point of views in the first chapter it gives you a look into both mind’s

Your plot for this story seems really good cant wait to see how it all plans out and how things happen. Can’t wait for the next chapter update soon please excited to read chapter two.

I really like this story! The details are exquisite and the plot is strong. Unlike many hockey fics that I've read that are choppy, this one doesn't have them jumping directly into a relationship, and I love it! I can't wait to read more!(:

I really like this a lot! It's funny because my name is Laura. Hahah Anyway, I don't know much about the subject, but your writing is helping me out with that. I don't like Savannah; she just already irritates me lol. This story is just really good and I totally can't wait to hear more. I love your style of writing and I'm sure it's just going to get better and better each chapter. For sure subscribing. :) Keep it up!

To begin I have no idea who these characters are.
Admittedly, upon reading the summary I felt that your story was going to an average story, not very descriptive or well written but you proved me wrong.
You gave nice descriptions, and wrote intense dialogue.
This is a good start for a great story. Nicely done, cannot wait to read more.

Helllloooo, comment swap brought me here.
At first, I was a little hesitant to read your story, since I really had no background on the subject, but I quickly got over that. The way you write is so simple yet crafty. The reader doesn't have to know full details on what you're talking about because you make the story so easy to follow. I definitely like your writing style, and found no faults in this story at all. So, good job. Keep it up.

-Jess xx

I really love this story so far! I hope you update soon! I'm not very familiar with hockey so I think it will be awesome! I need to google Kyle to see what he looks like, but the way he was described sounds pretty damn sexy to me. hahaha! I'm totally subscribing. The dialogue was brilliant and clever!

Holy hell! I love this! I don't watch any hockey games, but I sure love playing it. I love the characterization factors you gave Harper, she just seemed so real to me. And I just googled Kyle, he is pretty hot. I want more updates so bad you have no idea. Subscribed!

I'm not the biggest fan of hockey stories. And this story just failed to catch my interest...The werd mixture of horses and hockey with really no connecting materials...I did not have fun reading it as much as I just felt myself trudging through it. Don;t take it personally it is not anything that you did or wrote but I just did not find it particulary appealing or fun to read. Just my personal thoughts. But I do wish you the best of luck on continuing the story.

I have absolutely no idea about horses or hockey or anything really, so I might not have usually read this story, however I actually enjoyed the storyline and it was really interesting. It was well-written and only had a few errors and to be honest all stories have some errors as I know mine do! You used a good amount of dialogue for me because I get bored easily when a story is all just description : ) I might not carry on reading this but what I did read was good, carry on writing!

This story is interesting to say the least. I love the way it has started out.I like hockey, but unlike some people I don't follow the players. So, when i stumbled upon this story, I thought it'd be like all the others on this site. This, however, was not the case.

I love the way you did Kyle's point of view. It's actually really good. Some people suck at doing a male's point of view, especially if it's a girl, but you nailed it.

There are a few errors, but I like the start to this.

You should post soon, it's quite superb.

I'll be honest, I really, really, really don't like hockey. At all. But that didn't matter while reading this. It wasn't a dull, frankly annoying narrative of a game that I couldn't care less about. It was interesting, and your writing style is strong and intriguing.

Like 'Ohh Star' said, a bit of editing could make your story technically superb (not that it's that far off, anyway).

I really enjoyed reading this and I hope you post more soon! <3