Hey there I got your story through the comment swap, I read the first three chapters, I hope you don't mind me not reading the whole things.
Pros: I like the main character, as having just moved out of my house (with help from my parents) I can relate. I like the small details you give to characters like the tv reporters nervous tick, and the sensory details that are prevalent in every chapter I read.
Cons: I must admit I'm a little biased, vampires stories just aren't really my thing, so I didn't enjoy this story as much as I might. Two things that really bothered me though are A) It seems really unrealistic that she was out in the middle of know where and two guys just showed up randomly to rape her. B) I'm like 90% that no police force would let reporters film the bodies, they would contaminate the crime scene and are there for required to stay like 100 meters away, so even zooming in your wouldn't get that great of images.
I kinda get bogged down in details, but the bigger parts of your story are nice, good writing style, good summary, good suspense.
Sorry I haven't commented in a while! I've been busy myself, but I still love the story; you guys never cease to keep me hooked, and I always check everyday for if it's been updated!
Product of comment swap but holy shit. I haven't really read a straight fic here since I've been engrossed in the slash world but damn you got me hooked. Obviously I subscribed. Can’t wait for more. :D
Product of comment swap but holy shit. I haven't really read a straight fic here since I've been engrossed in the slash world but damn you got me hooked. Obviously I subscribed. :D
Pros: I like the main character, as having just moved out of my house (with help from my parents) I can relate. I like the small details you give to characters like the tv reporters nervous tick, and the sensory details that are prevalent in every chapter I read.
Cons: I must admit I'm a little biased, vampires stories just aren't really my thing, so I didn't enjoy this story as much as I might. Two things that really bothered me though are A) It seems really unrealistic that she was out in the middle of know where and two guys just showed up randomly to rape her. B) I'm like 90% that no police force would let reporters film the bodies, they would contaminate the crime scene and are there for required to stay like 100 meters away, so even zooming in your wouldn't get that great of images.
I kinda get bogged down in details, but the bigger parts of your story are nice, good writing style, good summary, good suspense.