Unit 731 - Comments

I love how you tied your summary into the prologue of the story. It was if this was a longer summary, or the summary was a shorter chapter. Either way, this seems like a really awesome idea. Ugh, I can't get enough of your writing. I have a plan, as soon as all of this uh Easter stuff is over, I am coming back and combing through your stories. /fangirling/ What? Yeah. You're that awesome.

This is so well written and really interesting plot line. I actually can't wait to see where this is going to go. It's so vivd and feels very real as I am reading it. I love that about it! I have not read many WWII stories on here and this was a refreshing read. Its awesome.

dude i'm so glad you recommended this to me, it's a unique idea and really well written. i love this and im definitely subscribing and recommending

This is a very interesting concept, and definitely a perspective I have not read from when pertaining to WWII. I like the character a lot - he's easy to understand, and you express his emotions in a way that the reader can easily intercept.

The only problem I really faced with this was the inability to take Takahashi seriously. Maybe it was just the way his dialogue was worded, but it seemed kind of childish to me (but maybe it was intended!).

I enjoy quite a few of your descriptions in this. Especially in the recent chapter, where you briefly describe Unit 731, it was worded delicately. I think, though, that this story could definitely benefit from a bit more expansion on description.

This is really great, and I can't wait to see where this goes. (: I hope you update soon.

Layout

Very simple and nice, and very easy on the eyes. Thank you for that. I skimmed through first and noticed all the big blocks of text and I was like "oh yes — here comes the wonderful description." i'm excited.

Prologue

First paragraph is just what I excited. It's the puller to get the reader to stick with the story, and you did that very nicely. The description of the person still hearing the screams, and how the torture these people are doing "gets easier" was wonderful. Got me intrigued already.

Second paragraph oh lord. A deeper description of these people's faces and their screaming and how the Empire sees it as something that needs to be done? A perfect cap of things that has happened in history, especially in America. Very realistic and relate able to the real world.

Wow, and the ending to this prologue? That was great. Truly great. How you can limit all these horrors and point of views and descriptions in just a few sentences is amazing. I wasn't much interested when I first clicked on this story, but I really am now. Great job, love.

Chapter one

The beginning with this person's ambitions and past, and a little about their family life was a good set up. Usually when people begin like this they tend to go on and on about it and it makes me lose interest, but you kept it fairly short, but long enough to give me more insight into this person's family life. Them choosing their dream over the military is a commendable decision. Even though it seems to have not gone where they wanted it to.

I also like how the action of them going to this place where this guest speaker will be talking to them was kept just as descriptive as before it, with the rain and the drenching and everyone going to the same place. Also you did a good way of sneaking in more of a personality for the main character -- fleshing him out -- before gliding back into some action/movement.

. . . completely unaware that their life as they knew it was about to end. Nice way of showing the narrator's feelings and the irony of it all. Without reading on yet, I could tell this meeting is pretty serious. Probably about them helping out the army, perhaps?

Oh god, and the excited man talking to the students about helping the army. Obviously, them helping isn't going to be a "good" kind of help, and his excitement about it is kind of scary. More than scary, actually. Very realistic for all the students to be frightened about it, too.

The description of his father's shouting and the look in his eyes, though. :( Wow, the character jumping to the future again and talking about what his father has/is going through is also realistic. You can never recover from something like that...

THE WAY YOU ENDED THIS CHAPTER, TOO. WOW. I know I keep pointing back to realism, but this really was very realistic. Your telling about how not serving Japan was dishonor, so everyone did it, and how the main character couldn't let his father down, so he signed his name (and life; that part gave me shivers) away was amazing.

This is good already. So good. I'll probably be back to review chapter two (and possibly three) when I get around to it. You're a great writer.

Hi I'm from comment swap. I've never read a story like this before, and even though I didn't know much information behind the whole story but since you go into so much detail it made it easier for me to understand. I usually only read fan fictions but I really enjoyed the first couple of chapters of your story.

Hello,
you commented on my Valentines Blog on...well Valentines day. I just wanted to apologize for not finding this beautiful piece of writing earlier than before. I must say, I absolutely adore watching documentaries on WWI/WWII and all that stuff, so I totally understand your urge to write something based off these horrendous ordeals.
Summary
The main fact is, is that I'm in love with this. I don't care what others think or say, I am madly in love with this and I just read the summary. As far as it all goes, the detail to this is beautiful beyond recognition and your ways of coating such a beautiful scene (well, not naturally beautiful as you say it, beautifully portrayed I mean) is amazing. You have my respect as an author. I'm going to subscribe to this and come back and read more of it for I just finished the Prologue and am on Chapter One.

Hi! I'm from comment swap and I love this story. The whole concept is so original although it is highly disturbing its a great story. Poor dr seiko, he has so much depth as a character though! You really portray his guilt and how haunted he is by his actions very well. Theres so much emotion in this story, awesome job!

(Finally read the latest chapter )

This story fills me with so much dread. I just know what's coming but I'm so engrossed in it that I can't stop reading. And Takahashi, it's been a while since I've seen such cold blood without the character actually killing someone then and there. Every time I read this I just fall in love with your concept again. So, so terrifyingly brilliant.

First, let me start by saying the summary totally captures the readers attention, or well it captured mine. It seems so dark and malicious and let me also note, I don't typically read stuff like that unless it has to do with mythical creatures or zombies.

And all I am thinking while going into the story is, what the heck is Unit 731?!

Okay the prologue is totally gripping and I can just picture the events in some dark laboratory. The narration was just so raw and emotional, I liked it a lot.

Amalgamating - you just taught me a new word lol, I was like whoa, never seen that one before. In this chapter I really like the narrator, I really do it has an excellent tone to the story and I feel like I know what he even sounds like.

Anyways, this is written wonderfully and while this isn't something I normally read, it was capturing and intriguing. I'm happy to recommend this story and thank you for sharing it with me.

I will start by saying this is amazing. The summary defiantly drew me in, but your eloquently written words and character construction kept me reading. Your main character is easy to relate to which will have readers on his side as the story progresses. There are a few minor grammar/word-choice mistakes, but not nothing that hinders the flow of the story. Aside from the few, your word-choice is excellent and the descriptions provide wonderful imagery. Keep it up, I can't wait to see where your story goes~

Comment swap had brought me here, and I'm glad it did, because I love this story so far. Your writing is amazing, and everything is written well. I haven't seen any mistakes or errors, which is good. I love the description in the chapters and your idea is very original, I love how different it is. Your story has got a good atmosphere to it, it's very compelling and intriguing.

Keep up the good work! I can see this being amazing. (: x x x

The summary and prologue really drew me in, and the flow of the piece is amazing! This isn't something that I would normally read, but your descriptions and the character's narration is very compelling. I love the introspective nature of the piece.

I'm guessing you did a lot of research for this, and that really shows in the way you write the family interactions and the culture at the time.

Comment Swap: Like alot of the other users are saying, your choice of idea is awesome. straight up. but unfortunately as i read the parts you have written, nothing has gotten to 'anything good' quite yet, so i very much encourage you to continue writing. That's not a bad thing though, a true story needs a climatic hill to create an invigorating atmosphere, so keep going. your actual writing is good too; a very clear indication of editting which is the only way to make a good story. keep going; im subscribing.

The idea is very original and the description is very nice. It is not something I would usually read but it has caught my interest. I am exicited to watch how you develope the character more. Keep up the good work.

Comment Swap

I must say I practically fell in love with your story just from the summary, it's different and the way you use description is so imaginary and it's like I can actually feel what is happening and what is going on. Especially in the first chapter. I've recommended and subscribed :) Kudos for you!

Wow! Another great story!! I thought the plot was really original and it really makes the reader wonder what will happen in the coming chapters. Once again the summary was incredibly descriptive and I thought the ending was superb! I loved how in the first chapter you talked about the gargling sound that the victims would make as they died, it was really graphic and I could imagine what it sounded like.
Great, great job on this! :D

Comment Swap!
Writing:Wow, your writing is something impeccable. The description used, and the stylistics of it all. I can feel what you are writing. The pain you describe in the summary and the first few paragraphs of the prologue is amazing. But I have to say, the last few lines of the prologue is truly what got to me.

What the Empire didn’t realise, however, was the effect it had on not only the surrounding Chinese community, but the doctors themselves. Not one person escaped the wrath that was Unit 731. Not even me. I think those lines are what reel the reader in. It definitely has me hooked. I want to know everything. I want to read what happens next.

Your imagery is so captivating. It really paints a picture for the reader, and your tone is touching and heavy.

Plot:There aren't that many stories like this on here. So, I Give you props.

One of the best stories I've received from the comment swap!

Style:
You are absolutely amazing with your description. In the prologue, when you're describing the victims and their pain, I could picture it and imagine their pain. The only thing I have to say is that the paragraphs were extremely long, and it got to be a little overwhelming.
Plot:
I don't see many historical fictions on this site, so I really like that you went out of the box with this plot. You did a really good job describing Unit 731 and what the doctors/scientists would be forced to do for the government.

I think you've got the beginnings of a really great story, and it is extremely catchy! I like all the emotion and pain in this story, and you did a very good job with it!

For your sour skittles! :D

Wow okay I love stories like this! The layout and the summary would definitely have made me read on if I'd just happened across this. The summary is beautifully written and I can't wait to read the rest of it!

Prologue:
Aasdfghjlkj I love your opening sentence! It's chilling and definitely draws the reader in! However I think that instead of a semi colon you should use a comma there. I may be wrong but I believe that it's supposed to go between two sentences that could stand alone. I love your description! chilling, gargling sound. Two sentences in and I already love this.

Wow this is extremely powerful. Your description throughout it simply amazing! I know I've already said that but oh well :'). I could actually put myself in the doctor's shoes which is so odd seeing as he's torturing people. Also you ended it lovely. The final sentence definitely makes me want to read on :D

Chapter one:
I really like your writing style. It just flows really well and idk, it's just good. (I didn't say this was going to be an accurate and professional review :P). The characters and the scenarios all seemed really believable, the undecisiveness of the doctors and making a snap final decision, everything.

I would write more but I'm really pushed for time. I would have recommended this anyway and I'm subscribing. As soon as I have more time I'm coming back to finish this :D