Facade - Comments

I'm so glad you asked for a Reese's! I agree with miss zombie. your layout is phenomenal and the banner truly captures the essence of the story.

The characters each have their own, haunting feeling, or that's what I get from it. I think this is written exceptionally well and will for sure be subscripting. Keep it up love!

For your Sweet Tart:

To start off with, the whole layout is just beautiful. I really like the tone you've set, and everything matches perfectly together.

The summary you've written is very suspenseful, and definitely draws the reader in. I like the idea of a village, instead of just a town, ya know? I got a more personal and edgy feel.

I'm really enjoying how you're developing this story and the characters. Rachel is an amazing lead, and everyone else meshes in extremely well. I honestly feel like I'm reading a teen crime novel, or something of the sort. Your writing style is very unique, and I especially like how you modernize the characters. It helps us to relate better.

I'll definitely be subscribing. I'm excited to see what happens with this. Update soon!

K, here's your Twix bar.
I read the prologue and it was amazing. Not to mention the beautiful layout, I'm thoroughly impressed.
The starting sentence was great: "It wasn't me who found her." Immediately my thoughts went to murder, even though it was a suicide, and considering I rarely jump to conclusions that was a good move.
Certainly gonna keep reading ;D

"Maybe to stock up on douche bag tablets for you?" That's a great comeback. Haha. Oh, Rachel, I'm beginning to really like you right now.

Riley and her's interactions are so entertaining to read. I think they really capture how a relationship, though with not knowing each other for that long, can be where they're not always that nice to one another but can have a laugh about somethings at times.

I'm interested about her father being the prime suspect of the girl's murder, and just why those words had been written on her car, not to mention how the person who'd wrote them knew that it was her car and that she was his daughter. Unless it's someone she knows, but then that's only three people so far so I'm not going to entertain that idea just yet. Maybe once more is posted *coughcough*

It was a great chapter, Rosie. Can't wait to read more. :)

Let me start by saying I love the layout.
Okay, now we can move on xD
So, this reminds me of Pretty Little Liars, I don't know if you've seen it, but it's a little like that.
Although it's not the most original and unique idea I've seen, you have managed to develop it really well with a very good writing style and choice of words. I've spotted a couple of mistakes, I would suggest getting a beta reader just to avoid these things, they're not horrible mistakes that kill the story, but it's just more professional to have none. Other than that, I really enjoy this story.

This was amazingly good. No joke, while reading this, I felt like I was reading some sort of novel or something. That's how good you're writinig is. When you're introducing Joey, you say she has green eyes and then when you described Rachel, you say she has pale blue eyes. That's all the mistakes I have seen. I'm definitely subscribing

"Google image it" Brilliant! I love when you can truly tell that a character is a modern day character with phrases like that.

I like the little bit of Riley we saw in that chapter, though he and Beth don't seem too welcoming, but he does sound more welcoming than she does. Well, at least he does in my mind.

Hello there. XD Comment swap brought me to this story of yours. This isn't something I would pick to read, it just isn't my thing. The summary was really interesting though and the descriptions were well written. My eyes a few writing mistakes here and there but nothing too major. The characters you created seem interesting too. :D Keep up the great work and share your imagination with your fans. XD I guess that's all I have to say so bye. XD

First I got to say I love the layout

Now with your story,
I quite enjoyed this, I love the plot and the story that is developing. I do like the fact that you give just enough infomation to where I want to read more and not put me to sleep. I can't wait to read more and find out what the hell is happening. Plus I haven't found any kind of grammar or spelling mistakes so that is very nice. This story is chilling.

Keep up the good work.

Comment swap brought me here :)
An I love the way your write, It doesn't give to much information to where your snoring, it gives just enough so that you WANT to keep reading and find out what is next to happen. You've got an interesting plot and story going on here :) and I L-O-V-E the image on your layout, it is so...peaceful yet sad, yet loving...yet just awesome!!!

Grammar: I'm going to be picky with this, just because that's how I am and I'm the kind of person that likes to know these things. Feel free to ignore it(;

"Whenever I was home a sick feeling settled in the" *there should be a comma after home

"settled in the pit of my stomach wondering if someone would come to the door" *this part didn't make sense to me. I think I'm just reading it wrong, but I wanted to point it out.

"After she died I found it hard to believe" *there should be a comma after died

"A biting wind was pulling at everyone’s clothes and hair ferociously, and to top it all off, a depressing drizzle was slowly soaking " *I just added in the commas where they needed to be

"She’d never hugged be since," *You meant me instead of be

Overall, I think your grammar is just superb. Those were really the only mistakes I found in the first two chapters, and there were only a few, and they weren't big ones!

Style:

I think you had a really nice structure going on, especially in the prologue. The prologue was just excellent writing in general. You had the perfect mix of sentence fragments and longer sentences. And, I liked the way you flowed between paragraphs. It was like each one had a separate thought, but they were still connected.

Plot:

I like that this isn't going to be one of those cliche 'girl moves into a town, meets a boy, and falls in love' type of stories. What I see of it, the plot seems interesting enough, and I'm sure you'll get into it more in later chapters (obviously).

One thing I'm confused about right now is that, in the summary, you said a girl had been murdered, but the girl committed suicide in the beginning, so I'm wondering if there is a new girl that is going to be murdered, or if everyone just thinks it was a suicide. I guess I'll just have to wait to find out!(;

Characters:

Gran is my favorite character, so far. There is something about old women that I always just connect to. She seems sweet and motherly, and you can just tell she has a world of experience under her belt and knows how to deal with people's emotions.

I think the father is just terribly awkward, but in a good way. I really like that he doesn't seem to be a 'dead-beat' like I usually see.

I like that readers really get a feel for the main character without knowing much about her. I know how she thinks, how she deals with certain situations, and how she feels about family, but I don't know her hobbies, friends, or really anything else, and I like that. You dug down deep with this character and that really makes the story more interesting.

Overall

It grabbed my attention because it started with the death, which raised questions and brought my interest. It seems great, so far, and really seems like something I'd like to review for the Mibba Magazine. If you have more chapters posted in a few weeks, I think I'm gonna do that(:

Firstly I just want to say that I hate you for being so good at writing and I've literally been waiting torturously to read this ever since you mentioned it to me, and secondly the summary is perfection. Especially the first small paragraph. Way to draw a girl in, Rosie.

On to the prologue. The first line is a great start. Make me wonder who her is and just what was found out with her - was she missing before and was finally found? Or something else? Then the rest provides an amazing explanation of just what the first line was hinting at and more or less what's going to provide the first solid brick of the backbone of this story.

Now to the first chapter. Ooh, so we start with her having to go through her goodbyes and then driving off to meet someone who hasn't been in her life when they really should have been. I can tell I'll like Rachel because I get motion sickness badly so I can relate.
It's almost embarrassingly hilarious at his attempt of flattery on her by saying that she turned out to be "something special". Not a good thing for a stranger to say, I know that much. And he's got a son who's a year older than her. Makes me wonder whether his wife is his mother and why he'd go from her (or the boy's actual mother) to Rachel's mother but only stick around for the boy. It'll probably be explained later, but I just like to wonder.

Overall, it's a great start to it all and I'm so excited to know more about it and you must update soon because I demand it, especially as you wrote way more than I did before giving up this month so I know you have more done.

comment virginity! great start, update soon? love you! xx