Masquerade Feelings - Comments

I like the ties to the actual Phantom... but the writing itself could use a few commas. Also, the characters don't have much depth and don't come across as very real. Characters give in to things too quickly to feel real, and reactions are really volatile-- enough that they feel like overreactions, even though they mostly fit the situations. Possibly that's because of the brevity of the piece. Also, watch tense switches (past vs. present).

Please understand, I'm trying to be constructive here. It really was an enjoyable read. These are just some things I noticed about it.

I like the ties to the actual Phantom... but the writing itself could use a few commas. Also, the characters don't have much depth and don't come across as very real. Possibly that's because of the brevity of the piece. Also, watch tense switches (past vs. present).

Please understand, I'm trying to be constructive here. It really was an enjoyable read. These are just some things I noticed about it.

Comment swap brought me here, as it usually draws me to works of yours!

Your layout is just brilliant. Simple, yet there is a sense of intrigue with the banner.

I did notice, however, that there were a few grammatical errors. This could easily be fixed by getting someone to beta read your work before you post. Nothing that distracts from the story though! So that's good.

Overall, I thought this was a great oneshot. It's got a great pace, and just enough edge in the characters to make them interesting. Keep up the good work!

I am so sorry this took so long for me to comment on, but this is for the Prewrites Contest.

Let me start by saying the overall story was quite good and the idea fun to read however the story can still be tidied up a bit. There’s a lot of ‘fluff’ in the beginning which isn’t necessary as it doesn’t progress the story or develop the characters for example, the reader doesn’t need to know who likes cheeseburgers or cola.

Like someone else said before, Vulcan and Cole’s characters could be a little more developed and less time given to Anne.

Now the scenes with Cole were great, the flow was good, the description was good and the feel I got from it was a mix of all her emotions, so thanks for that :)

One last thing, what happened to Vulcan or Anne? Is Cole living in his own house, by himself? Are her friends not worried for her? Some more info on this sudden 5 year reunion would be great too.

Apart from that, this is a great story, full of emotions, good dialogue and fast paced, exciting, intense scenes. I enjoyed it :)

I don't usually comment on this, but I love your layout. I haven't seen anything like it before

Your title is intriguing and the picture is coupled with it beautifully.

I really like the essence of your summary, but I think there are a couple of things that could be tidied up. I think the "now" in the fourth line is unnecessary and interrupts the flow, and the last line is awkward. "Don't make my mistakes" might be a better fit, and without the exclamation point too. Just a thought.

I loved the actual masquerade scene. It was very mysterious and the atmosphere was perfect.

I felt like you spent too much time on some things, and not enough on others. I don't think Anne needed as much time as you gave, but Vulcan deserved more. I didn't know Aria loved him until it was pointed out to me. I should be able to tell that just from description.

For a girl in love, it was also strange that she didn't talk about Vulcan and his family until much later, not even a hint. Cole kind of came out of nowhere.

I think you did a reasonable job of the rape scene. It was painful, and violating, and really did ruin Aria's life, the way it unfortunately ruins rape victims' lives in reality.

Overall, I love the idea, the story just needs a bit of reworking. Good luck in the contest!

I loved this story! I don't usually read original fiction, I usually feel like I can't connect with or picture the characters in my head but this wasnt the case with your story. I thought it was an interesting and unique plot line with a well thought out twist (here's me thinking she was getting her dance with Vulcan halfway through my first read.) I really loved how you linked it to Beauty and the beast as well, contrasting the childhood innocence with the very adult topic of rape. Your vocabulary choices, spelling and grammar were excellent and I really enjoyed reading this!

I loved this story! I don't usually read original fiction, I usually feel like I can't connect with or picture the characters in my head but this wasnt the case with your story. I thought it was an interesting and unique plot line with a well thought out twist (here's me thinking she was getting her dance with Vulcan halfway through my first read.) I really loved how you linked it to Beauty and the beast as well, contrasting the childhood innocence with the very adult topic of rape. Your vocabulary choices, spelling and grammar were excellent and I really enjoyed reading this!

I loved this story! I don't usually read original fiction, I usually feel like I can't connect with or picture the characters in my head but this wasnt the case with your story. I thought it was an interesting and unique plot line with a well thought out twist (here's me thinking she was getting her dance with Vulcan halfway through my first read.) I really loved how you linked it to Beauty and the beast as well, contrasting the childhood innocence with the very adult topic of rape. Your vocabulary choices, spelling and grammar were excellent and I really enjoyed reading this!

I am writing this as I read. (:
First of all, the layout is amazing. Not only that, but the story banner is beautiful and mysterious.
The title you have chosen is beautiful, dangerous.. And of course, it's very much unique! Just brilliant.
The first lines were mystic, beautiful and somehow so.. sad and desperate. They got me hooked. I just HAD to know what had happened to her.
You introduced your character well in the first lines; telling that she wasn't that kind of out-going girl. Also, I think the fact that you mentioned the ball and masks right away got me even more hooked.
I also loved that you introduced "Anne Basting" right away after mentioning her name in the text.
Then, it was great to read a story where your characters don't live in the USA. There's nothing wrong with that, but Greece gave this story a touch of uniqueness. I love to read about other countries and cultures.
And, what also was good was the way you compared her into Belle, because that tells a lot- Most of us know who Belle is and what she's like.
The idea of what Vulcan did; got dressed as that teacher; It really made me laugh. That's what it was, being young and free!
I looked so forward to the ball, and the way Vulcan acted got me very disappointed at first, but in a good way. I wasn't disappointed in the story, but in Vulcan as a character.
When he met that guy she thought was Vulcan, the whole story became so mysterious, and a slight bit dangerous. I had this 'don't do it'- face for the whole time I read it..
The way they kissed was very romantic and exciting, though.
Next lines of the story make your obsessed, you just can't stop reading. It was brilliant, yet a bit scary.
The way Cole rapes her and then asks her to forgive him made me confused. He first seems like a monster and then feels sorry..
The way you ended the story almost made me cry. It was desperate and sad, so sad, but still a small bit beautiful. Just great.
The title fits the story perfectly and I couldn't find any spelling mistakes, so credit for that! This story was beautiful, unique and emotional. Very strong.

xx Ninahx

Gosh! The feels! Why do you're stories always start off like they're going to go and be so sweet and lovie-dovie, only to just up and emotinally destroy you? I really liked the suspense when she first saw Vulcan/Cole in his costume, and he was leading her from the party, though. That was nicely done!

Here from the Comment Swap! So for starters I like your layout, it's a lovely title picture you have going. In regards to the summary, I can't be bothered with them really so I don't mind if it's a little too long or too short, as long as you are introducing the reader to your story then you have accomplished what you needed to. Now as far as the actual story, it was a really good idea with the plot twist and the keeping it to only a one shot but I feel like you lost a little in translation. The rape scene was not ultra realistic. Not in the actual act but the aftermath. Maybe I am just wanting it to be a lot more than what it is. I just think that the twin showing up after five years and suddenly raping her and then letting her go seems slightly far-fetched but that's fiction for ya! As far as your actual writing style I do think you have a talent in the making, you just need to sort out some awkward wording here and there and you're golden! Keep it up!

Firstly, I am in love with the layout. I think it's beautiful. Secondly, I love the theme of the story, I find it to be very interesting. Actually, I like the whole story itself. Though, I think you put a little too much in the summary, but that's just me. However, I like the warning tags. As the person below said, not a lot of people put them, so it's good that you did. c:

Update soon, please. I look forward to reading more. c:

Layout

Beautiful layout, but the picture no longer exists. I would make the text one shade lighter, because it blended Lmost too well. But that's just me.

Summary

It had a little to much going. Like I said on the others, you don't have to put all that. But I very much like the warning tags. A lotof writers don't put that. Thank you that that.

Character Development

I don't know if this is one of your newer pieces but I absolutely love what you did with the characters this time. Cole being his twin brother... Such a twist! I like that very much. Maybe when you explained Vulcan you could have wrote he had a twin brother far away? But it's fine the way it is though. Very well developed.

Chapter One

Now this story you true talent came out. Remember what I said about your other stories? On how you Info Dumped or rushed? Not this one! I knew you were a amazing writer and this proved it. You added the best details and left out the ones that didn't matter. I very much liked how this one sounded and flowed.

This one I didn't stop or anything, I was very interested in the story. Nothing threw me off or anything. The tone was the same throughout the story, just the way you phrased things. I'm to much for rape but you explained her feelings very realistically. How she felt and even what she did was real to me. I felt so sad for her when it happened. The very ending I liked that part a lot. A tad bit rushed...but not enough to do anything. Again I love your writing style. It's very good!

Wow, that was really long. But I'm finished, finally! :)
I think this is a really original concept and you definitely explained a lot and made sure the readers were up to speed on what's going on in the story.
You are very descriptive which is pretty hard to find these days, so you need to give yourself a high five for that :)

Here's one of your comments from my comment swap blog!

To start off with, I really like the layout. It's quite beautiful. It's simple, yet elegant, and easy on the eyes. :3

As mentioned in the previous comments, I think you put a little bit too much information in the summary. It's always good to leave something to the imagination, especially considering this is in a series, so the majority of readers will already know a lot of the information you're covering.

Overall, the concept you have going is very original. I loved how you were able to give enough information, to where we wouldn't have to go back and read the other stories to know what's going on. I love that in a story. It's a great skill to have, and you've certainly mastered it.

Overall, this was a great story. Keep up the good work!

This is really good, you`re attention to detail is great, and you`re really descriptive. I really love the names you choose for your characters too, they`re unique, and your characters really come to life! Over all it`s really well written, there`s just some awkward sentences and phrases. I really liked the story! :)

Comment Swap
Ooh, a one shot. I've noticed that nearly all your layouts are dark and the titles are a bit gothic like. Correct me if I'm wrong though! There's always a sense of darkness behind it. I think you should try to stray a bit farther from your comfort zone and try a few other shorter or eye catching titles c:

Anyway, there were a few awkward sentences but aside that, this was perfect. You really know how to develop a plot and chapter and that's wonderful in a writer ^.^

I totally agree with everybody dies; on the description. It's really good and just wow. I love that you put a back story to your characters. The name Vulcan stands out very much and I like it. He seems like the perfect dream guy to be honest so I like him. Oh my God, I would be so pissed if I were a guy and some girl ruined my surprise asking out. Ugh, rude lol.

Yep, don't like Cole whatsoever. How could you just pretend to be your brother? That's just crazy creepy.

Aww! I wish she hadn't felt that way in the end. Poor Vulcan didn't even do anything it was his brother. Ugh, poor baby. I straight up feel like I just watched a soap opera. This was so freaking good!

I'm here to deliver a Valentines treat

Again, you use description greatly to your advantage. As someone else has already pointed out, this piece has a certain air of mystery to it. I wasn't expecting Cole instead of Vulcan, but it was a fantastic twist to the piece.

The only niggle I have with this is that sometimes your tense can switch between past and present, and as has been mentioned before, you give too much information out in the summary. Keep it short and sweet, it keeps the readers guessing.

Comment swap:
Talk about a story the draws you in!
This is a very interesting tragedy that grabs the reader. While the wording is a little sketchy at the beginning, it all falls to the wayside once you get into the story. The buildup is great, the suspense is thrilling, and the action is exciting. While the subject matter is unfortunate, (moreso if you are writing from experience), it is still good writing, and a well done story.