Red's Heart - Comments

I'm here judging the entries for the Winter Wonderland contest!

Content

I love the shortness and finality that the first chapter seems to exhibit. It's so...sudden and it draws me right into the story from the get-go. The last line is both thrilling and haunting at the same time and it really does make me worry for what will come next but at the same time, it's like a hook; it keeps me wanting to read on. For a very short first chapter, it's absolutely incredible.

Your description from the second chapter onwards really is what makes this story. Reading through, I can imagine exactly what the narrator is seeing. The fact that Red means so much to him, yet he has these urges to just tear her apart is just so intriguing and interesting to read. It's like a battle of the mind and the heart and it's a battle that throughout, I was really interested to see who would win.

The characters in this are enthralling though, they drag you right into this fantasy world where Red and the narrator seem to go from strength to strength, but they still have these fabulous flaws - Red with her ever-trusting nature and Wolf with his constant battle between the human and the werewolf forms. I adored Red's dark side as well, that was a sight to behold and something I wasn't expecting!

Honestly, the ending for this was just perfect. It was bittersweet - I loved the repetition of the prologue beginning and I loved how even though I was sad about Red, it just seemed right. Really incredible job on the ending.

Concrit

I didn't see anything throughout, so good job!

Overall

Th was a whirlwind of a story! I adored every second of it and I think it's a really unique and original plotline. Incredible job!

I've actually commented on this story before, my opinion hasn't changed, I really love it! :) Sorry I can't be more helpful.

Just finished! UGH! So good! The character development, and how the wolf really is a blood thirsty creature and not some misunderstood "monster" like in most pop culture. I love this so, so much, I'm so glad I found it! C:

Comment swap

This! This! This is what I needed and I didn't even know it!

The first chapter is brilliant, I love, love, love that fact that it's from his perspective and not hers, or at least where I'm at (Ch. 3)

His internal diaglouge is kinda addictive.

I really don't have a criticism for this I love their banter and Red's innocence and the way the wolf is like discovering his own I guess kinda sexuality, which is an ironic idea when sexuality is normally associated with animal nature. Which I feel makes a great statement on violence being a human construct. The wolf initially wants to cause her pain, kill her, while a normal wolf would just want to feed. I don't know maybe I'm reading too much into this.

god, i really love this story.

I'm eager to finish the story as well as read some other things that you've written. Your grammar and spelling is great and it helps make a remarkable story that much better. I thoroughly enjoy this. I think it's my fave thing I've found through comment swap.

awesomeness

I'd say this is my favorite of all your stories.. :) Fabulous intro; definitely have me hooked on reading further!

Loved this one as well:)

Holy shit. That was INSANELY beautiful, I love it :)
Great work on this story

Cant believe its over...loved!

I'm going to comment on the second last chapter, then read the last chapter and comment on that one! So here goes. First of all, his passage on Soul mates was actually rather sweet, that I thought maybe that is the most romantic thing he could ever muster. But it's a start, and I am thinking more and more that they are just perfect for each other! When I read the second paragraph, I had a mind blank and for a second thought this was 8 years into the future and he had killed Red! I was like, what the fuck! Hahaha but then when he explained the girl of the sun, it definitely calmed me down. :') Red is downright creepy. It's almost as if Red seems to be twisted in the head with all her thoughts and feelings, whereas the wolf is twisted in the things be physically does.

My eyes trained on the doe eyed nurse before me.

I don't think you realise how perfect this little piece if writing is. What came to my head was the picture of a wolf stalking a doe, reading to take and consume his prey. The way you have converted this into a humanly interpretation is very clever. You keep the animal nature of both of them whilst keeping the image if them being people.

This chapter actually made me a little bit sick, it was very entwined with psychotic thoughts and what not. Especially the creepy tree bit, that was plain gross man. How do you think of this shit? For the story, I think it was great and intriguing. For my stomach, not so much! ;) hahaha. Alright, about to read the last chapter! I am in suspense!

What! D: I thought maybe some massive twist would arise and she would be okay or maybe Wolf helped her! :( This was a sad ending. I was so hopeful of them being together for the rest of their lives type thing. The writing, though I must say, was flawless. You integrated pieces of the first chapter into a concluding way of the last chapter. Which a lot of people find difficult to do well!

"Sweet dreams, my Alice."

This was tragic, and very beautiful at the same time. :( Poor wolf.

@ Just.Call.Me.Goldie
Thankyou!! I'm glad you enjoyed!

@ TaraJanee
That's exactly what I was going for! I wanted her to want to use him as a sort of prize. Like she showing off her new friend!

...that was wicked =)

This story is truly disturbing! D: Now, I truly think that Red and the Wolf are just as bad and twisted as each other. On a completely equal playing field. Their relationship, although they wouldn't like to admit it, had become so wonderfully bonded because of their similarities I think. They both needed something that the other had to offer, and that makes me think that they really could be life long companions.

It's a little funny, because they're both pretty damn animalistic. Sometimes their blood lust reminds me of crazed vampires, and then I remember this is more on the wolfish side haha.

Towards the end, Red actually freaked me out a little bit. She reminded me of a little child bringing something special for show and tell. Though I did think it was pretty bad ass that she's bringing this monster along with her, almost like her partner in crime or body guard or something.

Ah I just don't want this story to end!!

Yay!

@ saber cat lucas
awwwww! I'm so sorry I haven't updated yet! I've been super busy getting stuck into my new novel but I PROMISE I'll have one up tomorrow! Cross my heart!

Please update my life is sad and empty without this story..:(

@ xXLoveForEternityXx
Yes that is a much better wolf than what I had imagined hahaha :')

@ TaraJanee
I never truly thought about how you see the progress of the characters. I've always known where I want Red to go, so it's nothing new to me. I just keep forgetting that you didn't know she was insane! It's hilarious reading your reactions!

I've definitely tried to keep the imagery in the story. The plot, I don't think, is deep enough to truly hold on its own. Since it is simply a collection of memories from Wolf and what-not, I figured that description would be the all encompassing feature. I want you to feel what he felt. So imagery plays a large part.

I have character profiles --- so you can see what my view of Wolf is :) sexy man!

Have I ever complimented on your writing skill? Yes? I don't believe I've focused on it enough. Your writing literally never fails to impress. Over time, most stories seem to dull. The writing is amazing within the first few chapters, but after time the author simply focuses on the plot rather than the imagery. But I think, and this is mainly because I believe imagery is an integral part of this story, that you've successfully maintained beautiful writing throughout.

I can't comprehend how much you surprise me, it's crazy! I think that this Tory is going one way and then in the next chapter it swivels in another! It's so difficult to attempt to predict or even put a finger on the characters' true selves. Though I do think the only thing I've truly been able to identify, is how much Red and the Wolf seem to increasingly swap places. The characters introduced at the beginning were such extreme opposites, and as the story has progressed, they've slowly begun to seep into each other's realms. I think it'll continue like this, to whatever point the story will end, until they are so equally matched in the middle.

But seriously, what the hell Red. Crazy lady! Literally! Hahaha. I think the wolf is both. The way the perspective has been written behind him, we hate who he hates and like wo he likes. So he's our protagonist. But I think, in reality, when we stop no actually think about his character and his nature, we know in our hearts he is someone we'd be scared shitless of.

Ps. I keep accidentally imagining the wolf as a big hairy wolf, so you can imagine my laughter when I read the little raunchy bit. Hahaha.

No words, I am in awe.