The Return. - Comments

HI I’m here for a comment swap. Well first off I love your layout, it’s very clean cut and easy to read. I always hate when people have crazy layouts and I can’t even read the story! Anyway, I am totally digging this story, i love the whole mysterious theme going on, and I want to know what’s with this house. If it’s so dangerous why can’t they tear it done? Aha, I’m sure we’ll find out later in the story, but great work! I can’t wait to read more of this story! To give you more feedback I’d say to possibly add more information. I kind of felt like I was just dropped into the story, with no background kind of information. Sometimes it’s good to give more information when doing a story like this. I guess I’m just the person who needs more detail, and other people are different with that. I also noticed you can tend to get pretty repetitive, and that’s not bad! I mean I get like that too! And that’s the struggle when writing from a characters own POV. But all of this aside, I can’t wait to read more of this! I’m totally subscribing! Please keep up the good work and I can’t wait for the next chapter!

Love the quote. I think it was from a subscriber? Not sure, but it's an interesting lead to the story itself. Only got past the first and second chapter, but I found myself liking the psychotic background. I can tell your main character is in love with his fiancée, despite her being crazy. Hope my foreshadows are right :)

@SBurgundy Hey, I know it was a long time ago that you commented. I was just curious about how other ways one can go about changing the "I"'s. First person POV is kinda difficult to me once I re-read my stuff. And it does seem a bit repetitive. "I ate that. I looked there." I'm trying really hard to find another way of putting it but I'm blocked. Please help. XoVaizabel

I couldn't read all of it, but, so far, it's pretty good. I love your format and cover photo looks pretty cool beans. I love the mystery aspect in this story. Like really, the whole thing with Jana, Dakota and Daniel is awesome.

Well, this is pretty interesting. I've read some comments and I conquer on many things. For example, in the final Chapter you say "murmur effortlessly" seems a little odd. and some areas seem a bit repetitive just because of the way the protag speaks so I suggest reading it aloud just to hear it.
I like the way you avoid giving away too much but I hope you get to it soon. Not too much of course, but kind tease the read at least a little bit? Otherwise you risk the video game "rage quit" from readers who prefer to be a little more interactive with their protag. Or possibly give us more about the protag himself. We have a lot of what he's done in his past, but I don't feel like I know who he is as a person. I like his voice and character, but who is he? We see he's kinda shabby but is that really THAT different from who he has been?
You get me?
But I really like his voice and his....craziness? I'm pretty sure this guy needs help and I can't help but laugh.

Here from Comment Swap.
Well firstly I'd like to pay a quick compliment to your layout. It's pretty, easy to read and but overall a nice and clean cut layout. You have added an element of mystery into this story which I rather enjoy, it is not often done in many stories like this, so kudos for that. I like how you've developed your characters, you didn't rush and you put time and effort into it. You have quirky little details added in here and there which add to this as well, so overall I liked it. Well done.

This is a very interesting story, I'm drawn in by suspense and mystery of the story and this is honestly something I look forward to reading till the end! Everything flows so well together and the descriptiveness and the way you write is just enough for me to picture everything in my head as it were happening like a movie!
Keep up the awesome work! n__n

oooh this is very interesting...I can already tell it is going to be very good and full of suspense! So we know that Jana is Daniel's fiancee and that she is disappeared but the fact you are giving nothing away is fantastic and just makes me want to read more!

And this thing with Dakota is really interesting as well...and what is this creepy house, why can't anyone go in and if it's dangerous why isn't it just knocked down or barred up...and what will the relationship be like with them seeing as he dumped her.

This is a very interesting plot and has me hooked after only reading the first chapter....I am going to subscribe. You have gained another excited reader!

I caught up with all the chapters, yay!
Your story is so great, I can tell (as I'm sure others can) that you've put a lot of work into this story and it definately shows. I noticed though that you can get pretty repetitive with starting sentences with 'I'. It's something I do sometimes too when dealing with that POV but from what I've learned you want to be more diverse with your sentence structure. Ugh, I sound like my English teacher, haha. But seriously, keep up the good work and keep writing!

this is sooooo great! I haven't read a awesome story like this in forever!! the background the style the everything is spectacular!!!!!!!!! Daniel seems like a whacko though, im subbing so I can read more when it comes

I really like the detail in this story, it isn't so much that it disturbs the flow, and just enough to put the scene in the readers mind clearly, making it come to life. I really like your style of writing. The main character very much intrigues me. I anxiously await your next update. I'm really glad comment swap brought me here.

I really like the detail in this story, it isn't so much that it disturbs the flow, and just enough to put the scene in the readers mind clearly, making it come to life. I really like your style of writing. The main character very much intrigues me. I anxiously await your next update. I'm really glad comment swap brought me here.

Comment swap*
This is very different to what I usually read however it is extremely well written and the overall storyline is great. The way that you have chosen to not really involve Jena yet is intreguing. Great story hope you continue it and it does well.

I really like this so far, and I'm glad Comment Swap brought me here. I plan to keep reading for a specific reason: I like the character dynamics you set up. Daniel is going after the girl he loves, Jana. However, we're not seeing any Jana. It's going to be interesting. The audience mostly likely will fall in love with Dakota,because she's the main female character, only to have Jana come back into the picture. I'm actually really excited to see how you go about handling this in the climax or how you build up Dakota so that the audience doesn't prefer her over Jana.

•Comment Swap•
I really enjoyed reading this. I liked the mystery and it was just so well written. Youre really talented!! The only thing I'd like to suggest is that you make your chapters longer as its really annoying that they're so short. Other than that this is flawless! Great beginning. Keep up the great work!

@ cherry_checkers

I absolutely loved your comment! <3 Thank you so much!

Dear author, this isn't my cup of tea story but since the comment swap feature brought me here I gave it a try. The summary was marvelous. Brownie points for that one. :) The chapters are well written and your writing abilities showed in your work. I liked the mystery going on. Many stories lack on mystery but yours has it. I think you are off to a great start. ~Marian.

Dear author, this isn't my cup of tea story but since the comment swap feature brought me here I gave it a try. The summary was marvelous. Brownie points for that one. :) The chapters are well written and your writing abilities showed in your work. I liked the mystery going on. Many stories lack on mystery but yours has it. I think you are off to a great start. ~Marian.

I like your story so far! I don't know why, but for some reason I was surprised when I realized that the main character was a guy. I'm so used to reading about female protagonists, and yours being a guy was a nice change! I'm a little confused about the whole deal with this house, though. It's kind of creeping me out, but I feel like that's what it's supposed to do, so that's okay. Anyways, great job setting up all the drama between Daniel and Dakota - even though the story gives a little bit of background about them, there's enough mystery left in the story of the two of them to make it intriguing. I'm really interested to see how Daniel will go about saving Jana ... and is Jana going to make it out of the freaky house alive?! Only time will tell. Great job!

@ Grotesque
Lol, I just put that cause it seemed like people never read the status. Although, the essence of your comment seemed rather bitter, it did bring random joy for me. Thanks:) and I changed it! lol