Death - Comments

I’m here as the new host for the ‘Show Me What You’ve Got’ contest.

So this definitely wasn’t my first experience with a personified version of Death (I’m pretty sure I’ve read another one of your stories that was also in the same vein), but this was a really interesting one what with his fascination being with his polar opposite. I like this idea because life and death complement each other, they go hand in hand in the most morbid of ways, and there isn’t one without the other. I like how you had Death sacrifice himself for Life because it seemed fitting and poignant. Their first and last interaction was very sad, but also really sweet because he smiled for her. I really loved the line “For every start, there is an ending.” Very beautiful and powerful.

My only problem was that I wish this had been longer so it would have flowed smoother. I feel like this is definitely an idea to expand on with more details and a longer timeline.

Other than that, I thought this was a nice one-shot.

Wow, this story was definitely interesting. The idea of life and death, I mean most people already said it in the comments, but it's a really sweet concept for a story and you wrote it beautifully. I thought the way you described each as humans fit them perfectly as well, and I thought the story was beautiful. I don't have much else to say because others have already beat me to it, haha, but yeah I loved it. You're a great writer.

To start, I love the layout.

But oh my goodness, I loved this story. To be honest, it definitely made me shiver - in a great way. I felt sad for Death, for no one ever considers that (if Death were a person), no one would ever love him for we fear the idea of death. However, Life and Death are inseparable, if not contradicting, ideas. They go together; without one, there wouldn't be another.

Also, I like how both were characterized; how Life was a beautiful young woman who was always smiling and Death was always cold with black hair and eyes. This is just too perfect and if it weren't a oneshot, I would be demanding it to be a full-length novel. Life and Death are interesting concepts to work with. Awesome job :)

The layout, as it is the first thing I saw, was amazing. It really popped out there and made it all worth it really. Reminds me of a tattoo I need to finish... Anyway! To the story!

It was a nice twist at the end. Not that the beginning wasn't worth it, as the first paragraph entrapped me into this piece. I wish there was more, but I will have to make due with this. Honestly, this is one of the best Death related pieces (including my own) I have ever read.

Beyond that, I like your personified portrayals of things intangible, it makes them all the more real to our minds.

I love the layout. Really interesting, I really like the picture that you've used!

Anyway, moving on. I was really gripped by the first sentence. It's so short and to the point. I've read one or two stories in the past where Death has been humanised, but this is possibly one of the best ones that I have read. Having him lust after a human that isn't dead is definitely a twist I haven't read before, so you definitely get points for originality. I loved the little interaction between Life and Death at the end (and I love how you had Death refer to her as Life!) and I loved that you had Death smile for the first time at her. The entire story is bittersweet; the ending is beautiful but it does have a massive tinge of sadness to it.

I was definitely impressed by this! I'll be announcing the winners for the contest at some point within the next week, so good luck!

This was so good! I'll admit, I was a little wary when I read the summary and saw the word 'anime', but I shouldn't have been! I loved the descriptions in this oneshot, and while I thought it was a little short, I think the descriptions fit the length nicely. Overall, a very good oneshot!

Holy cow, this is perfection.... It feels so short though, like it needs to be a chaptered story but at the same it's because of how short it is that it's perfect... sorry for rambling but holy cow... this...I love it so much. I love the concept of Life and Death being people, I've always thought about what it'd be like if they were twisted up in a forbidden type of love. Great read!

You portrayed Death and Life so well here, it was great. You gave Death human qualities and emotions, like loneliness and love. I especially like how you were able to tell a complete story with needing just that one line of dialogue and I think that's a big part of why it left such an impact on me.

I'm going to recommend this because I enjoyed the different take on Death.

Really beautiful.

"Life, why are you crying?"

I was so surprised for this, but made me understand the longing for her. I loved this. I honestly can say this was very well written and I really like how condensed this is, it makes the words that much sweeter. I can't wait to read the next one. Friendship (:

“No one wanted to accept him but everyone accepted him in the end” Love that quote! This was a beautiful piece, although I think you could have put more into the ending. But overall it was nice.
Check the contest thread on April 29th to see if you’ve won.

That was amazing, amazing, amazing.
I have no words to describe it.
It was too deep and took my breath away.
Happy???

I read the oneshot immediately after reading this because of how the other comments mentioned it, and I'm very impressed. The feeling is still there, yet you've condensed it into a couple of paragraphs.

I really like the brevity. It's more "One moment in the life of..." than "One day in the life of..." and it's full of so much description and explanation. It's true flash fiction, and I admire you for it.

I've never read the manga, so I can't compare the two.
Overall, I enjoyed the story. There were minor spelling mistakes, but the imagery was very good.
I feel like you could've drawn out the ending a bit more, but the short ending made it more effective, so eh.
Good job!

@ Rosi Phillips I said I was inspired by the manga, I didn't copy it so it isn't the same. For the part where the souls kept him company, it is till the souls reach their destination after Death has taken their lives. When writing, not everything has to be stated. The reader can imagine and connect with the story as it is. Thanks for your comment and your personal view on this.

@ Rosi Phillips I said I was inspired by the manga, I didn't copy it so it isn't the same. For the part where the souls kept him company, it is till the souls reach their destination after Death has taken their lives. When writing, not everything has to be stated. The reader can imagine and connect with the story as it is. Thanks for your comment and your personal view on this.

It was a good piece, but it could have been even better without the simple spelling mistakes. I find it best to let the work sit for a while and then go back and edit it. Plus having another set of eyes on the story is always good.
Over all I thought your story was light, to the point, and achieved the emotions you were trying to portray. I'm not exactly sure what the last line is supposed to entail, "..Death had taken what he wanted." Did you mean Death had taken Life's heart? Her love? I wasn't sure, but depending on the reader this might be a good think because it allows them to formulate their own conclusion.
Also I wasn't sure what you meant by the souls kept him company? You never expanded on that and from reading the manga didn't he just eat the souls?
But I will say your imagery is on point, your writing is good, and your are to the point without too much fluff.
Please keep writing. :)
-Rosi

It was a good piece, but it could have been even better without the simple spelling mistakes. I find it best to let the work sit for a while and then go back and edit it. Plus having another set of eyes on the story is always good.
Over all I thought your story was light, to the point, and achieved the emotions you were trying to portray. I'm not exactly sure what the last line is supposed to entail, "..Death had taken what he wanted." Did you mean Death had taken Life's heart? Her love? I wasn't sure, but depending on the reader this might be a good think because it allows them to formulate their own conclusion.
Also I wasn't sure what you meant by the souls kept him company? You never expanded on that and from reading the manga didn't he just eat the souls?
But I will say your imagery is on point, your writing is good, and your are to the point without too much fluff.
Please keep writing. :)
-Rosi

It was a good piece, but it could have been even better without the simple spelling mistakes. I find it best to let the work sit for a while and then go back and edit it. Plus having another set of eyes on the story is always good.
Over all I thought your story was light, to the point, and achieved the emotions you were trying to portray. I'm not exactly sure what the last line is supposed to entail, "..Death had taken what he wanted." Did you mean Death had taken Life's heart? Her love? I wasn't sure, but depending on the reader this might be a good think because it allows them to formulate their own conclusion.
Also I wasn't sure what you meant by the souls kept him company? You never expanded on that and from reading the manga didn't he just eat the souls?
But I will say your imagery is on point, your writing is good, and your are to the point without too much fluff.
Please keep writing. :)
-Rosi

This is a very powerful piece. The imagery and the emotion, it really shows through the words. Amazing, that's the word that most comes to mind. Keep up the great writing, you're going to go far with it.