Bloodshot Eyes - Comments

Comment swap!!

Wow, you're an amazing writer. You give such good details. This story is very intriguing and drew me in immediately. Can't wait to meet Matt! But you should include more dialogue so you get more of a feel for the characters. Yay for comment swap to bring a good story my way.

greetings from comment swap~~
first off, im going to say this: i wish i could effin write like you! you have such feeling and emotion it literally took my breath away. i was just inspired and bewildered by your dialouge and attention to detail. your an amazing author and i can just pray that one day, ill be as amazing as you.

I like the sentence you use as the introduction to the first chapter.

Have you ever wanted something so badly it hurt?

It somehow draws me into the story and keeps me reading more.

I think this is the first time I read a story about gymnastic. And I didn't expect it, especially since the character is Amy Lee. I thought her dream was to be a singer because well, she is a singer. But it's a good surprise. I totally love the way you describe everything and how you weave her thoughts to the readers. It's absolutely flawless.

And the banner you use is gorgeous. Good work! ^_^

Alright, before I even have read anything, I LOVE the pairing. Amy Lee is so beautiful and Matt Tuck is GORGEOUS. Mmf. Sorry. okay. Going to read now.

And wow! I didn't imagine it would be gymnastics! But I like it! It's so different and original! I'm excited to see where it goes!

When I saw the names of the characters I did not even think it would be a gymnastic story. But I love it. I enjoyed that you were able to write a never dull chapter without dialogue, something I have so much difficulty with. I cannot wait to see where you take this story. Your grammar is perfect as well. Everything flowed. Totally subscribing to this!

The glory of comment swap is finding great stories you never thought you'd be interested in. There's a good chance I wouldn't have found this story, but I'm thrilled that I did.

In the beginning, you did a great job creating a character that others can relate to. Even if the dream is different, there are a lot of people that feel the same way about what they want to do with life. The leotard part is pretty great too, seeing as there are plenty of kids that are actually like that. The actions of a child weren't completely unrealistic, and that is rare in a lot of stories.

The meeting between the two was perfect. It wasn't overdone and glorified beyond belief. It was sweet and straight to the point.

I enjoy the second chapter just as much. The way you elaborated on her past experience being in dance was great. I'm sure everyone has been in Amy's position, or her little sister's.

I'm eager to read more :)

Comment swap brought me to this story but like... at first it has some sort of innocence to it. You really created a character most people can relate to. It's fun to read though, I just wanted to keep reading.

Unlike a lot of stories this isn't the whole 'this is how they met think', I like how you simply let us know how they met in one sentence. I also like that it's something realistic.

It's well written and it seems a good story so far, I'm curious to see what's next. Definitely not a story I would've looked up in search, but glad I got to read it anyway.

@ Timeless
The past two chapters were written by my co author on this story, as I hate beginning stories, but sadly she deleted her account. So when I get time I will go back over this and try to re write some parts, thanks for letting me know though. :]

Whoa...that was...wow.

First off, you writing style is very lovely. There are some spots that sound a bit odd to me, I'm not sure if it's because I'm American, or what.

Example: I suppose in some way we all have, may it be a dream holiday, a new job or even something as simple as a new colour of nail polish. The "may it be" is what was throwing me off.

I love the way you describe getting a leotard for the first time. I loved picturing the fight to get it off her and into her uniform.

However, did her parents enroll her into classes at the community center, or at a specific place that only teaches gymnastics? That part was not explained to well.

The end of this chapter was very powerful. Nicely done :)

I came from comment swap. I adore Matt Tuck so I really can't wait to see how this turns out. I do like how you have given us some background information about Amy, her family and how she got into gymnastics.

I appreciate every single one of your comment, It really means a lot to get feedback and ways I can improve on my writing. But can I just say that I do realise that Amy appears to be 'too perfect'. I mean for her to be like that, when this story unravels a little more you will hopefully see that it was necessary to portray her like that. So please know that it was not a mistake or anything. Thanks again for your comments!

Comment swap led me here!
First off, you're layout is phenomenal. It's plain, simple and not too overpowering. I agree, you do do a lot of telling and not showing of your character. 'Show Not Tell'! Also, I hate to say this but your character a Mary Sue (which is when your main character is way too perfect). But other than that I think you're doing fine. Good luck, love! xx.

Comment swap led me here!
First off, you're layout is phenomenal. It's plain, simple and not too overpowering. I agree, you do do a lot of telling and not showing of your character. 'Show Not Tell'! Also, I hate to say this but your character a Mary Sue (which is when your main character is way too perfect). But other than that I think you're doing fine. Good luck, love! xx.

Comment swap led me here!
First off, you're layout is phenomenal. It's plain, simple and not too overpowering. I agree, you do do a lot of telling and not showing of your character. 'Show Not Tell'! Also, I hate to say this but your character a Mary Sue (which is when your main character is way too perfect). But other than that I think you're doing fine. Good luck, love! xx.

Comment swap led me here!
First off, you're layout is phenomenal. It's plain, simple and not too overpowering. I agree, you do do a lot of telling and not showing of your character. 'Show Not Tell'! Also, I hate to say this but your character a Mary Sue (which is when your main character is way too perfect). But other than that I think you're doing fine. Good luck, love! xx.

Comment swap led me here to read your story. Overall for your first time it's good but you do have some little ends you can tie up.
First you do a lot of telling and not showing about your character. Some things are really random and don't go with the moment and you can easily show her traits.
Second you're making her way TOO perfect. A "Marysue". When I started writing I used to always write these perfect characters who excelled at everything and had to be better than everyone around them.
Finally just your spelling, their easy things (loose - lose) and the misuse of some words. You said "shuck" instead of "shook".

Overall, I think this is awesome for a first time! I really like it and her passion is something that makes me love the character! Keep moving forward! It's wonderful!

Comment swap led me here to read your story. Overall for your first time it's good but you do have some little ends you can tie up.
First you do a lot of telling and not showing about your character. Some things are really random and don't go with the moment and you can easily show her traits.
Second you're making her way TOO perfect. A "Marysue". When I started writing I used to always write these perfect characters who excelled at everything and had to be better than everyone around them.
Finally just your spelling, their easy things (loose - lose) and the misuse of some words. You said "shuck" instead of "shook".

Overall, I think this is awesome for a first time! I really like it and her passion is something that makes me love the character! Keep moving forward! It's wonderful!

Comment Swap:
The way you're developing this is interesting to me, I'm really satisfied with the first person point of view here. You're handling it expertly for your first story. The sentences aren't weirdly long winded and they seem conversational and real. I do think that your interaction with the teacher and Amy in the second chapter seemed rushed to me. The advice I would give you is to act like conversations/dialogues are a story all on their own, and it will help them come to life. You're off to a great start!

Comment swap: I think the character development of Amy in this story is excellent. By including her thoughts, feelings and past in such detail you've laid the foundations for a very engaging story. I look forward to seeing where it goes after the introduction of the male character.

Comment swap

I like how you write and how you make the charactors completely your own. I also like your style of writing it is easy to follow and nice to read this is unlike any fan fiction I have ever read. I like the gymnastics aspect of it because it shows the main character has discipline and the boy she is in love with is in a band which kinda means he is awesome but has discipline of an different sorts which kind of puts them on two differen side of the charts and even though he has not been really introduced I feel like they will make a good couple.