Bloodshot Eyes - Comments

Via Comment Swap!

I read both Chapters that you've posted and I can honestly say that this story is pretty good. You're writing style is pretty good and I'm very envious on how you write (being able to write inside the main character's head). I'm still trying to master that concept... Another thing I loved about this story was the passion she felt for gymnastics. It reminded me of a few passions of my own and made me want to keep reading to see how this passion of hers flourishes. There were some portions in the story where I found some mistakes but overall the story is pretty well written. I enjoyed reading it and I'm looking forward to reading more. =) Keep up the good writing!

Sincerely,
Red981456

You're writing style isn't bad,it just needs to flow better and I saw a couple of spelling mistakes but that's all.I know we all get excited and want to post as soon as a chapter is written up but proof reading is key! More than once is good too! While not a fan of the band or fan fiction in general it'll be interesting to see where it goes.

Comment Swap - I am enjoying the gymnastics aspect of the story, I like the main character has a passion that is clear. There are a few mistakes with mixing up words but it's easy to miss those when re-reading - I do it all the time! I think the writing needs to flow a little better but overall it is very good writing! Keep it up :)

I like it

~Comment Swap~

I am very interested to see where your story goes. The summary alludes to some possible drama in the future :) which is always a plus ^^. I like your main character, and can't wait for you to introduce Matt. I did notice some grammatical errors, but they are easy to fix just have someone proof read (its easy to miss when you keep re-reading lol). I definitely see potential , keep it up!

I am from comment swap.

With the first stories of most people, there's normally a bit of stumbling around and trying to find a style, but not you. You jumped right into awesomeness. Seriously, great story. It's very original (I've never actually read a gymnastics based story on this sight before, so this is quite exciting!), and generally your grammar and spelling are excellent. I've found very few errors, which is quite enjoyable.

Bottom line, I really like this. Like REALLY. Can't wait for the next update.

*Comment Swap*
I really like how you write and how the story is going. Your main character is very likable. There are some places in the stories where the words don’t flow very well, but other than that your idea is great. Keep it up!

I like this, I like your style of writing. And I love to read something that has a good vocabulary. That is so refreshing to me. I came here on comment swap, but I'm keeping an eye on this. ♥

I like this. I like her passion for gymnastics you capture it well. As a dancer myself I like the character of Lily more than your main character though, I'm biased.

I think your style and flow needs a little strengthening, so I suggest reading what you write out loud. Also be careful of your pronouns, "you" shouldn't be used for the most part (with the exception of your opening question).

This story has a lot of potential so keep working at it!

I really like the question you asked in the beginning. Most of the times, questions don’t work too well starting off stories, but yours definitely immediately set the mood of the story. The strikeout of the word “wanted” and replaced with the word “needed” was also a very strong way of creating the voice of your character. You have a really good thing going for you in this story. I’d love to see where you go with this.

I really, really liked this. I enjoy the way you describe things, and I think Amy is a really relatable character. I'm excited for Matt to come in, I'd love to see the way their relationship unfolds. What I love most though, is the theme of this story. It was our dreams that brought us together. It will be our dreams that will tear us apart. I don't know why, but I just love the whole idea of that. I love stories with characters reaching for whatever it is they want, and of course I love love stories, and I love drama -which I'm assuming there will be- so it's no surprise why I enjoy this whole thing so immensely. Great work, love, keep it up <3

**Comment Swap**
I really liked your first chapter! I used to do gymnastics, and I am sad I had to quit! I didn't expect it to be about gymnastics, so that was cool and surprising! I like your writing style, it flows very well! You can already tell the main characters personality pretty well in just the first chapter!

It's amazing. She reminds me of myself so much and I could easily relate to this story. My dream was always to become a ballerina and I didnt grow up enough to let it go. So now I still dance and have danced for my whole life. Your story is interesting, because I love gymnastics. All characters are great and this is good so far. I dont think the first chapter was too short. I subscribed (:

It's amazing. She reminds me of myself so much and I could easily relate to this story. My dream was always to become a ballerina and I didnt grow up enough to let it go. So now I still dance and have danced for my whole life. Your story is interesting, because I love gymnastics. All characters are great and this is good so far. I dont think the first chapter was too short. I subscribed (:

wow

I actually liked the details of Amy's past that you put. It gave me a really feel to how her life was though i do think it could have been spread out a little more.
I really liked Amy's emotions for wanting to be a gymnast.
Like when she thinks/says/narrates
"I know that most girls grow out of their little fazes of wanting to be a ballerina or a singer at around the age of twelve, but for me the dream stuck."
I love where the story is going and look forward to reading the next chapters.

Comment swap bought me here
wow this is such a good story I would love to know if this story is based around you tell me

oh and please write more

Wow, you're an amazing writer. You give such good details. This story is very intriguing and drew me in immediately. Can't wait to meet Matt! But you should include more dialogue so you get more of a feel for the characters. Yay for comment swap to bring a good story my way.

Comment swap :)

Your an excellent writer and I've listened to both bands here and there but I'm not super into them. Needless to say your writing is superb. The only critique I would have is there needs to be a little more action and a lot less thinking and explaining on Amy's part. I found it a little tedious to read without a break in her thoughts. Other than that the story is fantastic.