Wings - Comments

nicely done

I feel so bad for him

Poor kid!!!

Wonder what Shero wants

Breaking the diet...

aww

Loved the update. Really good.

Really good chapter... I though it was really cute

thank the lord pat caught on about his 'neck' this should be good

... aww

: )

wow.. Love the amount of depth in the chapter we see about El. Not many people would help competition let alone, give away a gold medal. Just incredible.

Maddi is right. Right now all you're doing is telling, not showing. IT's all dialog and I statements. He said she said. You aren't setting scenes. You aren't describing people, places, things, actions, etc. The characters are just yapping away. And you're still missing a lot of punctuation. Like all the periods or commas that should go before the quotation mark in a bit of dialog.

: )

@ Thatmom
Thank you .

I can't wait for her and Jon to really get together. Love your story.

@ Maddi;
It is helpful advice! thank you, i will definately be adding more description to tell my story.

Hello! I'm going to give you a bit of what I hope is helpful advice. I really think that this story could benefit from having more description and actual story telling in it. Right now, it is all dialogue, and that doesn't make for good story telling. You should try describing the scenes, the characters actions, and their thoughts more, as opposed to just doing everything through dialogue. I wasn't able to really read or get into this story because it was only dialogue, and it make it hard to follow aloong with what was happening. Basically, instead of just telling the story through dialogue, you need to add some more detail and action in it to make it better.

thats so cute

Another great chapter. I see you like little mix : )