I love chapters 1-10 but it starts to go a bit odd there kinda like you suddenly decided to change the plot line and it all seemed kinda less... detailed...
great chapter. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that her father was talking about wanting it to have been her that died instead of her mother or maybe she had a sister/brother? i dont remember if you'd referenced a missing family member before, so that could have been totally redundant.
THIS STORY IS RAD. I honestly can't think of any valid critisism at the moment, so I probably won't be of much help in that department. the pace is good, as is the story line and your writing style and grammer. I've got absolutly no complaints. ...except maybe more frequent updates?XD