I just found this story, and I have to say - it's pretty good.
I haven't come across many stories like this, so I have to say, congrats on the plot. Not only that, I like the title. It's well-thought up, in my opinon. I really liked how you started off in the middle of an argument between Gabriella and her mother, which put the reader straight into the heart of the action. This really drew me in, because you cut to the chase, instead of embarking on a clichéd and over-written ramble.
Although the chapters ARE a little short, the quality makes up for it, in my opinion. I like how you've managed to create the regal atmosphere for Gabriella and the rest of the royal family without spending long paragraphs describing everything about where they lived and how they lived their lives.
In fact, I think that when you said "He remembered all the hard work he put into helping set up and pack up her party", this not only indicating how hard-working the servants had to be (and most probably how badly treated they were) but also shows how lavish and possibly lazy the royal family (and their noble associates) are.
Another thing I wanted to mention is the slight hints of mystery that you've put into Unlawful. For example, when Gabriella and Gerard first meet, he's playing a piece on the piano, but we don't know what it is. The dialogue seems to be well-thought out, but quite natural and life-like in my opinion.
Now, the one thing that I really, really like about this story (which is sort of inevaitable because I love romance fiction) is the way tht you narrate the interactions between Gabriella and Gerard – as well as the reactions of those reactions. For example, after Gerard has walked Gabreilla to her door, I found the part when she sat down –
She took a quill from the ink pot at the corner of the desk and let a small drop of ink drip onto the paper, watching it soak in, until it was dry, to be there forever. Her mind had fluttered with a million words to scrawl down onto the paper just moments before, but now she was drawing a blank, so to speak.
Her eyes wandered to the roof, trying to trace, with her eyes, the tiny pieces of wood that compiled the logs that compiled the roof, but it didn't work, and she ended up dizzy, with the perfect words in her head.
I met a boy today,
I had to quote that section, because although it was simple, it was lovely. Several other parts of the story were touching, like when Gabriella went down to the servants quarters to give Gerard's letter to him. When she described him, using the line ...and brilliantly chiselled cheeks. His father must have been a master craftsman. I have to admit, it made me smile.
So by the time I got to the part in which he says "I beg your pardon, but it was worth it./i]" and when she reacted with "If I may be so bold" and then kissed him, I was squeeing inside.
(I did read some of the chapters more than once so I could get quotes from them, so that may be why you have a higher readers number on some of your chapters).