I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love

“Good night!” screamed Joel in the mike while Benji was smashing his guitar against Chris’ drums. I winced and covered my eyes with my free hand, the other was holding my third beer. I hated it when Benji smashed his guitar… I could never do that! Poor guitar…

“It’s okay, he’s done!” whispered Ash as she patted my shoulder. I opened my eyes and looked at her as she pushed me a little so she could sit next to me on the amp.

“We are all going to one of the buses after the show, are you coming with us?” she asked me, eyeing my beer.

“Sure… Maybe… I don’t know… what was the question?”

“If you could stop looking at Benji’s broken guitar on the floor for a second and focus on what I’m saying, it would help you know…”

“Sorry…” and I looked at her. “Sure, I’ll come with you!”

“You didn’t even listen!” she argued. I ignored her and jumped off the amp as I saw Matt coming this way and I hurried to Benji and Joel.

“Where’s Billy?” I asked as soon as I was between them, my arms linked with theirs.

“Nice to see you too Lyn. Thanks for telling us how much you loved the show! Sure, we’ll sign you an autograph…” said Benji, shaking his head at me. I grinned and kissed his cheek.

“You know you rock, I won’t repeat it after every show! So, where’s he?”

“It’s always nice to hear compliments…” argued Joel.

“Fine! You’re awesome! You rule the world and no band can defeat you…”

“He’s over there…” Benji replied, pointing at where I was just a few seconds ago.

“No one, except Green Day!” I quickly added before I ran to where Billy was.

“Come back here!” yelled Joel, threatening me with his beer. I grinned and slowed down, my grin fading at the same time. Billy was surrounded by the enemy, I mean Avenged Sevenfold. I stopped dead in tracks, trying to find something to catch his attention… That’s when I grabbed my cell phone and dialed Billy’s number. I sat on an amp and waited for his reaction. I saw him taking his phone out of his pocket and looking at the caller ID before he slide the phone back in his pocket and said something to the guys. I tried to keep the smile off my face as he made his way towards me.

“You’re being childish!” That was the first thing he said as he sat next to me. “You could have come with us you know, they don’t bite…”

“Are you sure about that?”

He shook his head and patted my head. I glared at him. He was acting like I was completely insane or paranoiac or something… His whole face was saying “Poor girl, she’s loosing it!” I shoved him and he fell off the amp.

“Ooops…” I said, grinning. He pushed himself off the floor, brushed the dust off his black pants and mock glared at me.

“So… Now that your set is done, can we go somewhere else? I need a shower, you need a shower… Hold on! That’s sounded bad, doesn’t it?”

He nodded, obviously trying his best not to laugh.

“What I mean is: There’s no reason for us to stay here… I could go back to my bus and take a shower while you go back to yours and take a shower and then we could play videogames or something?”

“Or, we could stay here and watch Avenged?” he suggested, looking everywhere but at me.

“Humph…” I crossed my arms and pouted, looking at the floor so my hair was hanging around my face and Billy couldn’t see me.

“Oh no! Don’t do that! You know I hate it when you do that!” he argued, trying to look at me. “Look at me or I’m leaving…” he threatened.

I looked at him, my face expressionless.

“Fuck it! Alright, whatever you want! Just stop looking so blasé… Please…” he sighed in defeat.

My face broke into a smile and I kissed his cheek. I was about to say Let’s go! when I realized that I was acting like a spoiled kid… I mean, if we actually watch Avenged, it couldn’t kill me, right? And plus Billy will be happy… Maybe he’ll let me win at Halo 2…

“Alright… Are you even listening to me?”

“Huh?”

He sighed and shook his head, “I was saying, are we going or what?”

“Nah, I change my mind… We can stay and watch or listen or whatever...” I said as I rubbed the back of my neck and looked at the stage where the roadies where setting Jimmy’s drums.

“Really? You sure you don’t mind?”

“Psh… I can’t always get what I want, and you’ll beat my ass if we play video games, so yeah…” I rambled as I took a look at my beer, which was getting dangerously empty. I will need an other one before it starts… “I’ll be right back!” and I ran to grab two beers, not even paying to attention to the weird look Jimmy gave me when I almost ran into him and didn’t apologize.
I handed a beer to Billy and opened mine.

“You should calm down on the drinking…” Billy warned me as the guys took their places on stage, each of them high-fiving Billy on their way. I simply ignored his remark and kept my eyes on the beer in my hand.

They started with Unholy Confessions. I kept my mind focused on the beer, trying to read the inscriptions in Chinese and Spanish so I wouldn’t have to listen to them… and it worked, for the first two songs… Not for the third one when I understood Matt’s screaming:

Left the childhood, left the memories, left the good times in the past,
Moving on your time has run out,
Wishing the clock would stand still, the world can wait,
Wasting away once again, once lived as friends,

As time passes by, regrets for the rest of my life,
The ones who I confide were gone in the black of the night,

I felt uneasy, there wasn’t any reason though… He was just singing/screaming a song, but this one caught my attention…
Matt and me, we never were the bestest friends, I was his younger sister and of course our goal in life was to annoy the other but there were time when I would stay up late and go in his room and he would play some guitar or tell me a story about when I was a toddler. Or the first day of high school, I was afraid Matt would ignore me and he did just the first five minutes before someone pushed me little because I was standing in the way and he almost kill that guy because he didn’t apologize… The countless sleep-overs, the horror movies, the bowls of pop corn, pillow fights… My first gig… Every thing I had tried to forget was coming back at me…

Growing I looked to you in guidance. I told him that, once…

And there he was, standing on stage, wearing his aviators, a leather jacket, black pants and a cap. If you just look at him like that, you could totally understand why everyone has an ‘obsession’ with M.Shadows… And the same goes for The Rev, Vengeance, Christ and Gates… But he wasn’t my brother… My brother was always glued to Val, playing piano, watching porn with the guys, drinking… I guess he was still doing all of that, I was just out of the picture…

Nothing can take away the time and the memories we had,
Come back - to the days when we were young
Come back - to the days when nothing mattered
to the days when nothing mattered

And I feel time passes by, regrets for the rest of my life,
The ones who I confide were gone in the black of the night

I took the time to look at every person standing on stage, playing their hearts out. Were they really different from the people I use to hang around with? Maybe they’re still the same, maybe I was the one who changed…
Maybe, just maybe underneath this Fedora, Brian is still here, the Brian I fell in love with…

“Lyn, are you crying?” asked Billy as he squeezed my shoulder.

“Who? Me? No, I’m not!” I quickly said as I took a swig of my beer and looked at my hand. His hand in mine… Wow! I seriously need to stop that!

“You sure? If it’s too hard for you to stay here, we can leave if you want…” he whispered, rubbing small circles on my back. I shook my head,

“There’s no reason for me to leave, I’m not crying! I never cry!” I argued, tightening my grip on the bottle.

“Alright, their show is over anyway… Maybe we should go and take a shower like you suggested… I mean, you and I in different showers of course!” he said with a small smile as he stood up, stretching his arms above his head. I smiled and shook my head at him as I followed him to the buses.

“I’ll see you in about twenty minutes I guess… Since you’re a woman and all…” he said with a slight smirk as he headed to his bus. I shook my head at him,

“I’ll be ready before you…” I said as I opened the door.

“We’ll see…”

And I ran to the bathroom.

In less than ten minutes I had the time to wash my hair and everything. I quickly dried myself and grabbed some clean clothes. I put my shoes on, not bothering to tie the laces, I apply so eyeliner and made a run out of the bus.

I rushed to the room backstage. I had to button my jeans and be careful not to trip on my laces as I ran down the corridor. My hair was dripping on my back, spiking in all directions, my make up was probably smudged... That’s how I swung the door open, just at the same time as Billy opened the other door. We starred at each other before eyeing the only spot left on the couch. I made a run for it jumped over the small table and sat on it at the same time Billy did. We collided and fell off the couch. Well he fell on the floor, I fell on Jess.

I quickly got up and sat on the couch.

“I win!” I shouted as I looked down at Billy. He let out a sigh and I held out my hand to helm him up.

“I don’t even want to know!” said Benji shaking his head at the both of us. I grinned and tried to make my hair look decent. Something that wasn’t easy to do…

“I want to know! I think I deserve to know the reason why I was so rudely tackled to the ground by my supposed best friend…” muttered Jess as she pushed herself of the floor and mock-glared at me.

“It’s his fault!” I said pointing at Billy. “He told me there was no way I could be ready in less than 20 minutes…” I explained. Just then, Brian walked out of the shower… I had totally forgotten about the showers here… I always walked back to the bus to shower. His hair was dripping on his shoulder, he was wearing nothing but a towel. I decided to busy myself by tying my laces. I took all the time I could, tying them, untying them and tying them again before I decided that I would just stay in socks so I kicked them off and sat on the floor.

“What’s wrong with your shoes?” asked Ash, eyeing them suspiciously.

“Nothing’s wrong, why you ask?”

“You tied the laces, untied and everything before kicking them off… There must be something wrong with those shoes…”

I was just trying not to look at my ex boyfriend handsome body…

The room fell silent…

I didn’t just say that aloud, did I?