I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love

‘Thud’.

“Fuck! Who let that bag in the way…”

“What’s that?”

Aaaaahh!!!

I sat up on the bed, my eyes wide and my heart betting at an incredible pace. I looked around and saw that Billy was awake, laughing. I looked at him and then saw Paul, holding a hand over his heart and he was trying to catch his breath.

“Oh God…” he whispered, glaring at his band mate. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

My face broke into a smile as I realized that Paul had tripped over my bag and had nearly stepped on Billy. My guess was that Billy grabbed Paul’s ankle at you know the end of the story…

I stretched my arms over my head and yawned. The bus was stopped. My eyes widened and I jumped off the bed, rushing to the window. I placed both hands on the window as I pressed my face against it, tying to see something. I over-slept… I didn’t see our entrance in San Francisco. I cursed loudly.

“Fuck! I over-slept! And know I missed our entrance in SF. And I’m not even ready to leave the bus, I’m gonna waste so much time! I won’t be able to visit everything I planned…” I ranted, pacing in the bus, making sure I wasn’t stepping on Billy.

“Lyn, calm down! We’re just at the gas station!” said Billy as he grabbed my ankle, to stop my pacing. I looked at Paul, waiting for his confirmation. He nodded. I screamed and then ran to the bathroom, pushing Benji out of the way and locking myself in the bathroom. I was ready in a record time, I swear I had never been this fast in my life! I swung the door opened, put my shoes on and hurried outside in the small restaurant where we were supposed to have breakfast. I made my entrance at full speed. I didn’t sleep much but knowing that every minute was bringing us closer to San Francisco was enough to keep me awake. I felt like screaming my joy but I knew that most of the people here were hangover or not fully awake. I took the sit between Brian and Billy and kissed their cheeks.

“Good morning!” I said cheerfully, before taking a sip from Brian’s glass of orange juice, I knew he wouldn’t drink it. He never did.

“Did you get laid?” asked Jimmy, looking at me from over his cup of coffee. I tried my best to swallow my drink before laughing.

“No she didn’t.” replied Benji. I raised my eyebrow questioningly.

“How would you know?” asked Zacky. Everyone stopped their conversations and looked at us. Great…

“Because we would have heard her screaming Billy’s name…” replied Joel in a ‘duh’ tone, you know, like it was the most obvious thing on earth. I glared at him.

“Why do you always think there’s something more than friendship between us?” I asked.

“Because you spend a lot of time together/” replied Cha. It felt like everyone was against me.

“That doesn’t mean anything! I spend a lot of time with you girls!” I argued. I could feel my mood changing.

“Maybe you had hot lesbian sex and we didn’t know anything about it…” said Paul with a shrug.

“Ash! You would have told me, right?” whispered Jimmy, looking at his girlfriend with wide eyes as he was shaking her by the shoulders.

“She’s right! That doesn’t mean anything…” said Matt. I looked hopefully at him, thinking he was on my side. “She’s spending a lot of time with Gates too…” he added.

I opened my mouth to argue, but I was cut off by Brian.

“We didn’t tell you but we had a threesome last night, just before we all got in the buses.” He said as both him and Billy wrapped their arms around my shoulder. I starred at Brian and then at Billy, my mouth slightly opened.

“That’s why you were late!” said Joel before everyone laughed. I couldn’t believe it! That was a fucking lie!

“I.can’t.believe.it! Billy! Brian! That’s bullshit!” I argued, slamming both hands on the table. They all burst out laughing as I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at them. “They were just helping me finding my…”

“Bra?”

They all laughed at Chris’ joke. Billy retracted his arm from over my shoulders, Brian didn’t move. I downedmy Brian’s glass of orange juice and grabbed a cookie. If we were late it was because they were helping me finding my wallet.

Why do people always bring everything to sex? Maybe that’s because they’re men… But then, why are the girls laughing too?! I let out a heavy sight and sunk deeper on my sit. I couldn’t understand them, and it was bothering me… So instead of listening to their lame jokes, I took my Ipod out of my pocket and started listening to it. No one seemed to notice that I was out of their conversation.

“Lyn, who do you like best, Billy or Brian?” asked Jimmy out of nowhere. I tried to pretend that I didn’t hear him.

“Me!” shouted Brian and Billy at the same time.

“I’m a better guitarist!” said Brian.

“I met her before you!” argued Billy.

“Lyn!” they both whined at the same time.

“What?” I asked, pretending I didn’t hear anything.

“Do you prefer me?” asked Brian.

“Or me?” asked Billy.

“You’re both my best friends. There’s nothing else to say.” I said, trying to avoid the subject. In my head, I was praying that they would drop the subject. I couldn’t choose, it was over my strength. I’d rather die than making a choice… Now that I had Brian back in my life, I couldn’t think about not having him, and the same goes for Billy. I loved them both equally. Billy because he was Billy and represented my present and Brian because he was Brian and represented my past.

“Oh come on Lyn!” urged Matt. They were all waiting for my answer.

“No! I won’t choose! It’d be like choosing between Ash and Jess! Matt, could you choose between Gates and Vengeance? Jimmy, could you choose between Ash and Redbull? Billy, could you choose between Joel and Benji? Of course you can’t! The same goes for me!” I argued, my fists clenched and my voice getting louder. “I can’t choose! And I don’t want to!” I yelled, throwing my arms in the air and pushing Brian’s arm off me so I could get up. I stormed out. I ignored their calls and kept walking until I reached the buses. I went to the GC one, grabbed my bag and headed back to the bus I shared with the girls. I climbed in my bunk and closed the curtains. I laid there, my arms crossed over my chest and glaring at the ceiling. I didn’t bother listening to my Ipod, I was too mad. My stomach groaned, I didn’t have the time to finish my breakfast.

What bothered me was their behavior. The way they wanted to know who I liked better. Like I could choose between them!
I knew I was over-reacting, they were just asking a simple question and I threw a fist about it. I just didn’t know anymore. I climbed off my bunk and headed to the living room area, taking a pack of Oreos from the cupboard and then sitting next to the window.

I definitely shouldn’t have reacted that way… But the question just took me off guard. It never crossed my mind that maybe they could be jealous of each other. My eyes widened at the thought and I let out a whine before I dropped my head on my arms. This tour was exhausting, I couldn’t wait to be home again. I needed some time for myself, and myself only. Away from everyone, I couldn’t think straight with Brian or Billy around me. I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket, I took it and looked at the text. It was from Cha, she was telling me that they would be staying with their boyfriends, leaving me alone in the bus for the rest of the ride to SF. I thanked her and then put the phone on the table. I went to the backroom to grab my acoustic guitar and started strumming.