Status: Completed.
I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love
Chapter 24.
I slammed the door behind me, threw my hoodie on the bed, kicked off my shoes and grabbed my phone from my pocket. I looked through the playlist and chose one.
“Demolition Lovers” filled the air as I put the phone on the chest of drawers, next to the bathroom. I switched on the light of the small bathroom and walked closer to the sink, looking at myself in the mirror. I clenched my fists starring straight back at my reflection. I wanted to pack my stuff and ran, ran far away from here. I wanted to leave everything behind, change my name leaved the United States so I could go somewhere where I wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone…
I made my way back to the bedroom. I threw my bag on the bed and started gathering my stuff. I was about to zip up my bag when I noticed my notebook on the nightstand. I reached for it but pushed it instead and it dropped open on the floor, a picture had fallen from it and was now lying next to it.
I picked up both the notebook and the picture. I starred at the picture first, it had been taken the day Perfect Nightmare got signed. I turned the picture and looked at the back of it, in purple ink was written: “We are in this together”. It was what Charlotte told me that day and I knew she meant it. No matter what happens, we’re a family first.…
If there was one thing I couldn’t do, it was leaving Cha and the girls. They didn’t deserve this…
I could leave Brian, Billy and everything else but I couldn’t leave Cha. This girl had done so much for me, it was unbelievable and even a lifetime of dedication couldn’t pay her back. She offered me a place to stay, a job I loved, she took me to get my first tattoo and the list goes on but mostly, she introduced me to the bestest friends ever.
I placed the picture back in the notebook and put it on the bed before I head back to stand in front of the mirror once again. I didn’t like what I was seeing. The girl starring back at me and who I really was were nothing alike…
Little did I know that it would get worse…
**
I couldn’t leave, so that meant I had to stick around...
I finally left my room and headed to Cha’s room. I knocked on the door and a blonde woman opened the door. I gasped.
“What happened to your hair?”
She smiled brightly and tucked her hair behind her ears.
“I dyed it.”
“No really?” I said, rolling my eyes as I pushed past her and went to sat on her bed.
“You’ve been against hair dye your whole life and now, all of a sudden you decide to become blond!”
“This –she said, pointing at her hair-, is just for you my dear. I knew they wouldn’t leave you alone with the Brian thing and I also know that you need some time alone so I decide to do something completely unpredictable that will keep them busy for the next 36 hours!” she explained, running a hand through her freshly dyed hair. My mouth was slightly opened. If there was one thing I’d have never expected Charlotte to do, it’s that. To you it might not seem important, but to her it meant a lot, she loved her hair nearly as much as I love Green Day, it was like a sacrifice for her…
I made the right decision when I decided to stay here.
“Does Zacky know?” I asked, laying down, crossing my arms underneath my head.
“Nope!” she said, and I could only imagine the proud smile lightning up her face. “He went to explore the city with the guys, they said something about bar hunting…”
“At 11am?” I asked.
“Like it would stop them…” she said with a laugh and I felt the bed sink a bit. I turned my head to the left and so her sitting on the bed, looking down at me, a frown on her face. I sighed.
“I know you wanna ask questions, shoot!”
She didn’t say anything, she simply looked at me. I sighed.
“Last night –I started and she moved to sit closer to me-, Billy was acting weirdly and I asked what was wrong… I’ll pass you the details of the conversation but be told me he loved me…” I paused, expecting her to gasp or do something to show some kind of surprise but she didn’t say anything so I kept going. “I had no idea how to react, I was tongue-tied and then, when I was about to say something, the guys ran in, purchasing Johnny… So I pretended that I need to sleep and walked back to the hotel. Then, I played piano for a bit and sat at the bar. Brian joined me, we drank. One thing leading to an other…” I trailed off, looking at my hands, biting my lip.
“You wake up in his bed and freaked out.” She ended, stretching her arms above her head. “Lyn, I really have no idea what to say… You could always give it a try with Billy… but if your relationship fucks up, I don’t think there’ll be anymore friendship between the two of you… Did you talk to Billy about what happened with Brian?” she asked. I looked up.
“Kinda… He said he was okay with that, he even say, and I quote: ‘ you’re with Brian. I understand that. It’ll be easier for me to forget you knowing that you are with someone else…’ was he really serious or just trying to be nice?” I asked Cha. She sighed and shook her head at me.
“I can’t believe you didn’t realize this before…” she mumbled. “Billy had always had a thing for you, you just never paid attention! So yeah, I believe him when he says it doesn’t matter to him. I believe him because he loves you too much to see you worrying about nothing, if you’re happy with Brian, then just stay with Brian and don’t feel guilty because of Billy. He doesn’t want that, all he wants is for you to be happy, if not with him, then with anyone else…” Cha explained calmly, looking at me to see my reaction. My face fell a little. I couldn’t quiet grasp the idea…
She must have understood it from the look on my face.
“Remember when you left Brian 5 years ago?” she asked me.
“Because I thought it would be best for me and him…” I replied.
“Exactly, the fact that Billy kinda stepped out of the picture is a way for him to let you be happy, with nothing to worry about.”
I frowned, “That’s not coherent! Of course I’ll still worry!” I argued.
Cha shook her head.
“Billy loves you probably more than Brian does, so…”
I cut her off.
“Because Brian loves me?”
She slapped her forehead, “Goddamnit Lyn! Are you blind or just plain stupid! Of course he does!”
I starred at the ceiling, my face blank. I really wish I had left… How was I supposed to face Billy and Brian knowing that I had to make a choice and disappoint one of them… I rubbed my face and closed my eyes, let out a deep sigh.
When I opened them again, I sat up and pushed myself of the bed.
“I think I know the way… I think I know how to get myself away from this mess…”
“Demolition Lovers” filled the air as I put the phone on the chest of drawers, next to the bathroom. I switched on the light of the small bathroom and walked closer to the sink, looking at myself in the mirror. I clenched my fists starring straight back at my reflection. I wanted to pack my stuff and ran, ran far away from here. I wanted to leave everything behind, change my name leaved the United States so I could go somewhere where I wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone…
I made my way back to the bedroom. I threw my bag on the bed and started gathering my stuff. I was about to zip up my bag when I noticed my notebook on the nightstand. I reached for it but pushed it instead and it dropped open on the floor, a picture had fallen from it and was now lying next to it.
I picked up both the notebook and the picture. I starred at the picture first, it had been taken the day Perfect Nightmare got signed. I turned the picture and looked at the back of it, in purple ink was written: “We are in this together”. It was what Charlotte told me that day and I knew she meant it. No matter what happens, we’re a family first.…
If there was one thing I couldn’t do, it was leaving Cha and the girls. They didn’t deserve this…
I could leave Brian, Billy and everything else but I couldn’t leave Cha. This girl had done so much for me, it was unbelievable and even a lifetime of dedication couldn’t pay her back. She offered me a place to stay, a job I loved, she took me to get my first tattoo and the list goes on but mostly, she introduced me to the bestest friends ever.
I placed the picture back in the notebook and put it on the bed before I head back to stand in front of the mirror once again. I didn’t like what I was seeing. The girl starring back at me and who I really was were nothing alike…
Little did I know that it would get worse…
**
I couldn’t leave, so that meant I had to stick around...
I finally left my room and headed to Cha’s room. I knocked on the door and a blonde woman opened the door. I gasped.
“What happened to your hair?”
She smiled brightly and tucked her hair behind her ears.
“I dyed it.”
“No really?” I said, rolling my eyes as I pushed past her and went to sat on her bed.
“You’ve been against hair dye your whole life and now, all of a sudden you decide to become blond!”
“This –she said, pointing at her hair-, is just for you my dear. I knew they wouldn’t leave you alone with the Brian thing and I also know that you need some time alone so I decide to do something completely unpredictable that will keep them busy for the next 36 hours!” she explained, running a hand through her freshly dyed hair. My mouth was slightly opened. If there was one thing I’d have never expected Charlotte to do, it’s that. To you it might not seem important, but to her it meant a lot, she loved her hair nearly as much as I love Green Day, it was like a sacrifice for her…
I made the right decision when I decided to stay here.
“Does Zacky know?” I asked, laying down, crossing my arms underneath my head.
“Nope!” she said, and I could only imagine the proud smile lightning up her face. “He went to explore the city with the guys, they said something about bar hunting…”
“At 11am?” I asked.
“Like it would stop them…” she said with a laugh and I felt the bed sink a bit. I turned my head to the left and so her sitting on the bed, looking down at me, a frown on her face. I sighed.
“I know you wanna ask questions, shoot!”
She didn’t say anything, she simply looked at me. I sighed.
“Last night –I started and she moved to sit closer to me-, Billy was acting weirdly and I asked what was wrong… I’ll pass you the details of the conversation but be told me he loved me…” I paused, expecting her to gasp or do something to show some kind of surprise but she didn’t say anything so I kept going. “I had no idea how to react, I was tongue-tied and then, when I was about to say something, the guys ran in, purchasing Johnny… So I pretended that I need to sleep and walked back to the hotel. Then, I played piano for a bit and sat at the bar. Brian joined me, we drank. One thing leading to an other…” I trailed off, looking at my hands, biting my lip.
“You wake up in his bed and freaked out.” She ended, stretching her arms above her head. “Lyn, I really have no idea what to say… You could always give it a try with Billy… but if your relationship fucks up, I don’t think there’ll be anymore friendship between the two of you… Did you talk to Billy about what happened with Brian?” she asked. I looked up.
“Kinda… He said he was okay with that, he even say, and I quote: ‘ you’re with Brian. I understand that. It’ll be easier for me to forget you knowing that you are with someone else…’ was he really serious or just trying to be nice?” I asked Cha. She sighed and shook her head at me.
“I can’t believe you didn’t realize this before…” she mumbled. “Billy had always had a thing for you, you just never paid attention! So yeah, I believe him when he says it doesn’t matter to him. I believe him because he loves you too much to see you worrying about nothing, if you’re happy with Brian, then just stay with Brian and don’t feel guilty because of Billy. He doesn’t want that, all he wants is for you to be happy, if not with him, then with anyone else…” Cha explained calmly, looking at me to see my reaction. My face fell a little. I couldn’t quiet grasp the idea…
She must have understood it from the look on my face.
“Remember when you left Brian 5 years ago?” she asked me.
“Because I thought it would be best for me and him…” I replied.
“Exactly, the fact that Billy kinda stepped out of the picture is a way for him to let you be happy, with nothing to worry about.”
I frowned, “That’s not coherent! Of course I’ll still worry!” I argued.
Cha shook her head.
“Billy loves you probably more than Brian does, so…”
I cut her off.
“Because Brian loves me?”
She slapped her forehead, “Goddamnit Lyn! Are you blind or just plain stupid! Of course he does!”
I starred at the ceiling, my face blank. I really wish I had left… How was I supposed to face Billy and Brian knowing that I had to make a choice and disappoint one of them… I rubbed my face and closed my eyes, let out a deep sigh.
When I opened them again, I sat up and pushed myself of the bed.
“I think I know the way… I think I know how to get myself away from this mess…”
♠ ♠ ♠
=)