I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love

As days passed I was getting closer to graduation. Just twenty more days and I’ll be free.
Twenty days.

It was a day like any other day, I slammed my locker shut and hurried to the parking lot, except that he wasn’t there. I looked everywhere, he was nowhere in sight. I sighed and sat underneath the oak tree, waiting for him.

It has been pretty awkward since that day… It has been a week and no change. I was staying at my parents’ house and Brian was picking me up in the morning, driving me to school and then coming back to pick me up and he’d drop me at my parents.

It wasn’t like I didn’t try to make things better… I was paying more attention on my outfit, trying to wear something he liked, forcing myself to listen to Pantera everytime he was in the house with Matt and the others. When we were watching a movie, I’d always snuggled close to him. He just avoided any real physical contact, like kissing or anything of the kind. I was really getting worried. Did I do something wrong? Was he cheating on me?
I had every kind of scenarios planned in my head, each of them worst than the other. I tried to hide the insecure feeling I had. I only let it show at night, when I was alone in my bed, crying myself to sleep.

I waited, waited and waited but he never came. It was around 5.00pm when I decided I had waited enough and started to walk back home.

“Yo Sanders!” I stopped and turn to look at the other side of the road where one guy was waving at me, jumping up and down. I chuckled and crossed the road.

“Hey there Berry! What’s up?” I asked, shoving my hands in my pockets.

“Nothing much, I was heading to Johnny’s ya know… But I was wondering, ya know, when I saw you walking back home which is something that never happen… Did the guys left already?” Matt Berry asked me. I frowned.

“No, there aren’t supposed to leave until I graduate.” I explained.

“Oh… but I saw Lea the other day and she was going shopping because she said that the tour had been put forward.” He explained, rubbing the back of his neck. My eyes widened a bit but then I shook my head.

“You must have misunderstood… Well, it was nice talking to you but I gotta head back home! See ya around Berry! And say ‘Hi’ to your brother for me, will you?” I asked as I hugged him.

“Will do! Bye Sanders!” He said, smiling. I smiled back and started walking back home. Scratch that, I ran all the way to Brian’s. I reached his house in record time and opened the front door. I held on the frame for support as I tried to catch my breath. Suzy came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on an apron.

“Adeline! I hadn’t seen you in ages! How are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m fine, just fine. Is Brian home?” I asked, trying to steady my breathing.

“No, he is at yours… You just missed him.” She explained, as she took a step forwards and wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug. I hugged her back.

“I hope to see you around…” she whispered as she headed back to the kitchen. I frowned, what did she meant…

I took a deep breath and ran back home. I swung the door opened and ran up the stairs, trying my best not to trip on my feet. I didn’t bother knocking on Matt’s door, I opened it without warning. I wish I hadn’t. Matt, Brian, Zacky, Jimmy and Johnny were all sitting in Matt’s room. Val was on the phone. And there were several bags on Matt’s double bed. I recognised the dark purple one. It was the one Brian used when he was going on long trip, like that time when he had to visit his aunt in New York. The closet was open, and empty. I gulped and turned my attention back to them. My face must have looked horrible, I had run all the way from school to Brian’s house and then from Brian’s to here… I was panting, my eyes wide and I was on the edge of hyperventilating… Brian was the first one to react. In no time he was in front of me and had his arms wrapped tightly around me. I pushed him away, and took a step aside so I could see them, every one of them.

“What the hell is going on?” I asked, trying to steady my voice. Brian was standing by my side, his hand resting on my back.

Val hung up the phone and got up, she hugged me and kissed my cheek. “I’m sorry…” she whispered before she went to sat between Matt and Jimmy. I was confused…

First of all: Brian had been acting strangely for almost a week, treating me like I did not exist and then the bags, Matt’s closet being empty, everyone smiling sympathetically at me… That’s when it hit me like a brick wall… I brought my hands to my face, waiting for the scream to escape my lips but it didn’t happen. I stood there, frozen in place, my eyes locked with Matt’s.

“It was true then…” I whispered, my voice shaking. “What Jason Berry said… The tour had been put forward.” I added. I turned around and looked at Brian, taking a step back. “You asshole!”

“Adeline, it’s not Brian’s fault.” Said Val, as she rested her hand on Matt’s thigh.

“You knew! You fucking knew and didn’t bother to tell me!” I ranted, my voice getting louder. “I can’t believe it Brian! You could have fucking told me!”

“Adeline, shut it!” said Matt as he got up and walked closer to me.

“You shut it! I can’t believe it! You were planning on leaving without me, that’s right? I can’t believe it…” I whispered the last part, as I started crying. Brian immediately wrapped his arms around me and we left the room. We stood in the corridor. I calmed down a bit, just enough to push him away and glared at him.

“Brian… how could you?” I whispered, between sobs. “You promised me I could come with you, you said that after graduation…”

“I know baby, I know… It’s not my fault, I wanted to tell you but we all know that you have to graduate first. I have to agree with Matt on this part. You’ll rejoin us after you graduated. You go to graduation and you jump in a plane and then…”
I cut him off.

“And then what? It wasn’t supposed to be like this! I was supposed to come with you!” I said. He held my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him.

“Adeline! You’re seventeen, you’ll be done with school in twenty days. Just wait for graduation!” he explained, trying to stay calm.

“No fucking way! I’m done with school! I’m coming with you!” I argued. There was no way I was staying behind! “It wasn’t planed like that!”

“I know! I know that baby, but you can’t drop out, not now! You’re almost done…” he tried again.

“We had plans! Have you forgotten?”

“Of course not! But it was after graduation anyway.”

“No! You said we were going on tour together, you said we would go to a Green Day gig in San Francisco together and you said we were going to have a big party in Las Vegas for my 18th birthday!” I argued, reminding him his promises.

“I know! I promised, and we will do all the things we planned but not until you graduated.”

That was it, I was fed up. I slapped his hands off my face and took a step back, holding back the tears that were threatening to fall. I turned around and ran into the room, swinging the door opened and scaring everyone to death.

“I’m coming with you!” I said, my eyes locked with Matt’s.

“No you’re not!” he argued as he pushed me and we were standing in the corridor once again. He didn’t bother to close the door, he knew everyone would hear us anyway. Hell, the whole neighbourhood would.

“You can’t leave me behind! You can’t do that!” I pleaded, my strength slowly fading.

“I’m sorry Adeline, but graduation comes first.” He explained, lowering his voice and wrapping his arms around me. “We’re leaving tomorrow.”

“You.can’t.do.that!” I yelled, hitting his chest with every word. He started rubbing small circles on my back, trying to calm me down.

“Twenty days, Adeline. Just wait twenty days!” he whispered, trying to calm me down.

“I called Kate, she’s calling the others.” Whispered Val as she went to stand next to Matt.

I pushed Matt away.

“Because they can come and not me?” I asked, my voice getting louder. What the hell? “Kate, Jamie and Lea are coming?”

“Adeline, they graduated.” Explained Matt. I wanted to slap him, I wanted it so bad that I clenched my fists, digging my nails into my palms.

“You know what? It doesn’t mater…” I muttered as I turned around and slammed my bedroom door in Matt’s face.

“Adeline!” called Brian from the other side of the door. “Just wait twenty days! Just wait and I promise you will come with us!”

“You know what? You can shove your twenty fucking days and your fucking promises up in your ass and see if I care!” I yelled and I kicked the door and threw myself on my bed.