I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love

When I woke up the next morning, I was in my bed, my head resting on Brian’s chest and his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I let out a happy sigh and snuggled closer to him, tangling my leg with his. That was something we always did, don’t ask why. I looked at the alarm clock and saw that it was around 3am so it was still pretty early. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. Last night events were thrown to the back of my mind…
But not for long.

When I woke up again, it was 7am. I got up and went to take a quick shower, I took Brian’s T-shirt and put it on and some jeans he forgot in my room a while back. I grabbed my black hoodie and walked to school.

The second I walked through the school gates, I became aware that today was the day the guys were leaving. Funny how you can put to the back of your mind some annoying facts and how they come back at you when you think you completely forgot about them.

That’s how I didn’t freak out when I woke up at 3am, with Brian. That’s how I casually picked up some clothes and walked to school… And that’s how I couldn’t stop myself from looking at the clock every minute, hoping that the day would be soon over so I could run back home and sneaked in their van. They would have no choice… Or maybe I would just say Goodbye…

The second the bell rang, I was out of the school. I ran all the way to my house to find the driveway empty. I frowned and ran to the front door. I unlocked it and stepped inside.

“Is anyone there?” I asked, looking in the living room and then to the kitchen. No reply. I checked the garage and it was empty, no more guitars or bass or drums sticks. My heart started racing at an incredible rate. I ran to Matt’s room. Empty. I ran to my room, the bed was made…

They couldn’t have…

I ran out of the house and straight to Brian’s. I knocked on the door and Papa Gates opened.

“Oh hi…” he said as he opened the door wider so I could come in.

“Hi! Is Brian here? Please… Tell me he’s still here…” I pleaded. I sounded so fucking pathetic at the moment…

Papa Gates slowly shook his head but pointed at the stairs. I kicked off my shoes and made my way up the stairs and to his room. The dark grey walls were still covered with posters and even the small Green Day picture I had placed on his closet was still there. I shivered and took a step forward, looking at every detail in the room. The closets were empty, only my clothes were left at the bottom of one of the closet. I took them and then sat on the bed. Normally, there would have been a pile of CDs on his desk, next to his CD player and the first CD case on top would be opened and empty because the CD was in the player. His desk would be surrounded by tabs. His acoustic guitar would be in the corner, right next to his desk and his electric on the opposite corner, with the amp. The bed would be unmade and there would be clothes both mine and his, on the floor. There would be a picture of me and Brian next to his side of the bed.
The picture was gone, the bed was made, the guitars and amp were gone. No clothes on the floor, no tabs on the desk, the CDs were on a net pile next to the player.

I couldn’t stay in there…

I grabbed my clothes and left the room. I walked out of Brian’s house with no attention of coming back ever again.

I dropped my clothes in the nearest trashcan and kept walking aimlessly until nightfall. That’s when I made my way back home. The house was still empty and there were several messages on the voicemail. I went to the kitchen to grab a bag of cookies and a glass of milk before I started listening to the messages.

Adeline, me and your dad will be gone for the next week. Your grandmother isn’t feeling well. I’ll keep you updated. Love you, take care.

Great! And please, note the sarcasm dripping from that single word.

Hey sister! Sorry we left without warning but it was easier for us. We really are sorry, and we love you. I gotta go now, we have sound check. We’re playing in a bar in Los Angeles tonight. Take care.

I took a sip of my glass, glaring at the phone. Sure, it would be easier for you… But it’s only for you…

Hey baby… I tighten my grip on the glass. I’m so sorry I didn’t get to say a proper Goodbye but I think it would have been easier for the both of us. It’s easier this way… And hum. I love you, and I’ll see you soon, okay? Bye, miss you already.

I kept glaring at the phone until something wet fell off my cheeks.
I was crying again…

**

I barely slept that night and when it was time to get up and didn’t wanted to, but I remembered that I only 18 days left now… I took a shower, got dressed and made no effort with my outfit, grabbed my backpack, an apple and left for school.

That day was the worst day I ever spent in high school… For two reasons: #1 I knew that no one was waiting for me back home, #2 Every one was looking at me with sympathetic smiles, like the whole school knew that I was left behind…

When the bell rang, I took my time. I walked around town for a few hours, stopping in the music store where Jimmy and Brian first met, and then went to the beach for a while. It was getting dark when I decided that it was time for me to head back home. I dropped my backpack in the hall, kicked off my shoes and grabbed an apple and a can of coke before I headed to the living room to check the voicemail.

Adeline, it’s me… Why aren’t you home yet? School is over, it’s 6pm you should be home! I wanted, no I needed to hear your voice… But well, I’ll try to call you later and see if you are back. I love you.

I glared at the phone, I had no intention of picking up it up. No matter how much I wanted to hear his voice, he fucked up. He shouldn’t have left like that, I wasn’t going to jump on the phone just to hear his voice.

I sat on the couch and flickered through the channels. That’s what I did, until I fell asleep on the couch once again.

**

I had managed to avoid the phone for 5 days. I only picked it up when it was my mother calling me. My parents were staying at my grandmother for a couple weeks…

The week end was over and I had to go back to school… Something I really wasn’t looking forward to. I had spent the week end in my PJs, eating popcorns and watching TV. Nothing too thrilling about it…

I reached the school and took my usual sit at the back of the class. My head was rested on my arms as I waited for the lesson to start. That’s when I heard something I shouldn’t have.

“Oh my God! You’ll never guess what happened to me this week end? I went to Longbeach ya know, and my best friend took me to a small bar and there was this band performing, I can’t remember the name but they looked so fucking hot! Like Brad Pitt, but hotter ya know! And my best friend hooked up with the guitarist, he was doing fucking awesome guitar solos and shit! It was just so great! And…”

I decided to stop listening to her rambling…
She could be talking about any bands out there, not Avenged Sevenfold. And if it was Avenged Sevenfold, they would have come and say ‘Hi!’ I mean, if it was them, they would have… No, it definitely wasn’t Avenged Sevenfold… It couldn’t be. I shook my head and lifted my head to see the teacher walking in class.

“And what was the guitarist name?” asked the other girl. They were sitting in the row ahead of mine.

“Something Gates, but it’s only a stage name. I think the singer was Shads-something. And was one of them was Jesus Christ. I would have hooked up with the lead singer but he already had a girl attached to his arms ya know… My best friend told me that they were born in Huntington…”

My heart missed a beat. She must have misunderstood. I have to be sure before I might do something stupid…

“Hey Kim, sorry but I heard you talking and hum… Were you talking about Avenged Sevenfold?” I asked, my hands griping the edge of the table, I was holding my breath.

She turned her blond head to look at me, and nodded with a gentle smile.
“Yeah, I think that was the name. Do you know them?”

I nodded, unable to speak. I threw my stuff into my bag, knocked the table and the chair over on my way out of the classroom. I heard people screaming my name after me. I didn’t give a damn. I grabbed all my stuff from my locker and left the school. On Brian’s last message he said that they would be in Los Angeles tonight because they were performing in an other part of town. I was going to see them and was going with them for the rest of the tour, graduation or not.