I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love

I got in the bus and was glad to see that it was only us girls in the bus, the boys had left.

“Hey Lyn, I thought you were with Billy…” said Cha as she was folding up some clothes on the table. Jess was gathering up the magazines and Ash as emptying the cupboards. I mean, she was eating. “The boys just left, they decided to go for a coffee, or a beer… They won’t be back for a while. That leaves us some time to clean the bus…” She explained. I nodded, shifting my weight from one leg to the other.

“I need to talk to you…” I whispered, afraid to look up and look at them.

“Alright, what’s wrong?” asked Jess as she took an empty beer bottle that had rolled under the table.

“I’m pregnant” I blurted out. My confession was followed by a gasp and a crash. Jess had dropped the bottle and was starring at me. Ash had stopped eating her cookie and Cha was starring at me, her mouth agape.

“Oh Lyn…” said Ash, dropping her cookie and wrapping her arms around me. “Does Brian know?” she asked. I shook my head and started crying. Jess quickly gathered the broken bottle and threw it in the trashcan before joining the hug as Cha put the clothes she was holding back on the table.

“You heard him last night, don’t you?” asked Cha, her arm wrapped around my shoulder. I nodded.

“He probably wasn’t thinking, he will probably be happy when you’ll tell him!” said Jess, trying to comfort me.

“We hadn’t been together for long, and I’m fucking lying to him…” I sobbed.

“Shh… He’ll understand, you just need to tell him.” Said Ash, handing me a cookie. I took it thankfully and took a bit. Cookies are always the remedy, or at least that’s Ash theory…

“But what about the band?” I asked, looking at Cha. I saw her face fell, and immediately regret bringing that on.

“Do you wanna quit the tour?” asked Jess. “We just have 2 more shows and then it’s over.”

“I’ll stay until the end, but I don’t know about the future, I don’t even know what’s going to happen tomorrow…” I mumbled.

“Just stop stressing and relax, it’s not good for the baby” said Cha, letting her motherly instinct out. I smiled at her and nodded.

“I’ll try.”

**

It was our first show in New York, the next one would be the next day and it would announce the end of the tour. We had finish cleaning the bus and we had gathered all our stuff. We would be staying at a hotel this night and tomorrow night before taking the first fly to Los Angeles, which mean getting up early. Let’s just say that I wasn’t looking forward to it. Sure I wanted to go back home, but where’s home?

Ash was moving in with Jimmy, Jess was going to live with Johnny, that only left me and Cha, but there was a strong probability that she was going to move in with Zacky. And I wouldn’t be able to stay in Cha’s house since she’d probably sell it… Just thinking about this house, empty, was heartbreaking. It was always full of life and music was always playing from somewhere, whether it was coming from my room or the kitchen. I loved this house probably more than my parents’ one.

I let myself fall on the double bed, in the room I shared with Brian and starred at the ceiling. I rested my hands on my stomach and sighed.

“You know, don’t listen to your daddy…” I whispered, rubbing my hands on my still flat stomach. “He doesn’t know about you yet but I’m sure he loves you. I just need to gather the guts to tell him… But you have to be sure of one thing, I love you.” I whispered, sitting up on the mattress and gazing down at my hands. I felt stupid for talking to myself but I pushed this thought aside and kept whispering to the growing thing inside of me.