I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love

During lunch, Matt had kept glancing at my t-shirt. It was freaking me out, did he actually recognize me? Or was it just the name that was bothering me. He should have paid attention, underneath the ‘ADELINE’ inscription, it was written, in small characters : ‘street’… Maybe it was just too small for him to see.

“Lyn, what is it you wanted to talk to me about this morning?” asked Brian as we were walking out of the restaurant. I froze and looked at him. He actually remembered?

“No…nothing.” I said as I started walking again and caught up with the girls.

**

It was now time for us to get on stage, we had been hanging in the dressing room the whole afternoon…

I had been dreading this moment. The last show of the tour… I was trying to remember our first show, I guess it was in Los Angeles, it was only us and Good Charlotte.

For the first time since that day, I was stressed. I couldn’t stand still, I had to move. I was pacing backstage, waiting for the roadies to set up the drums and shit. I hadn’t had the guts to tell Brian yet and it was getting on my nerves. I would have loved a beer, but I tried not to think about it and focused on the hem of my T-shirt.

“Lyn? Are you okay?”

I jumped up and turned around, it was Cha. She wrapped her arm around my shoulder as we both gaze at the stage.

“It was a great tour.” She said, nodding to her herself.

“Indeed…” I whispered, my voice breaking. I didn’t want it to end… I knew the ‘rock star’ career would have to be slowed down now. And thinking that this show was probably the last one I’d play in a while, I bit my lip and tried not to break down.

“I’m gonna miss this…” I said just as Jess and Ash joined us.

“Remember, we’re in this together…” said Jess. I shook my head.

“Listen girls, this might be Lyn’s last performance for a while, let’s just make the best of it, okay?” said Cha as held her hand up. We all high-fived each other before picking up our respective instruments, or drumsticks in Ash’s case.

We high-fived everyone else around us before walking on stage.

“What’s up New York?” screamed Cha. I just smiled at her before starting with our first song.

**

Our set was over and it was with a loud cheer from the crowd that we walked off stage. I headed straight towards Billy, wrapping my arms around him as he was next.

“You did great Lyn!” he said, kissing my forehead. I smiled at him. “Thanks.

“Have you talked to him yet?” he asked, quickly glancing at Brian before looking back at me.

“Not yet…” I whispered before I let him go and walked over to Brian. I was stopped mid track by Matt.

“Oh hey!” I said cheerfully.

“I just wanted to thank you” he said, looking straight at me.

“What for?” I asked, surprised. I didn’t do anything special, did I?

“For putting up with Brian… You’re his first real girlfriend since hum…” he gazed down at my T-shirt, before quickly looking up at me again, “since my sister and it’s really great to see him happy again, so yeah. Thank you Lyn.” He said before engulfing me in a bear hug.

I hugged him back, lost for words.

I felt a veil of numbness falling on me as he released me from the hug, ruffled my hair and then heading back to his girlfriend. It was like a zombie that I made my way over to Brian. I wrapped my arms around his middle and buried my face in his T-shirt, hoping he wouldn’t see the tears that were threatening to fall.

I didn’t say anything through Good Charlotte’s set, I was simply watching them doing what they did best and tried to record everything in my mind. I did the same when Avenged took their places on stage.

**

“Thank you New York! We love you all!” shouted Matt in the mike, as Zacky and Brian were throwing picks and Jimmy was throwing his drumsticks. I bit my lip, got up from my sit and walked on stage as soon as they had disappeared.

“Sorry to bother you again people” I said as I put the strap of my acoustic guitar around my shoulder and placed my finger on the neck.

“I just wanted to thank everyone in this tour for letting us share this experience, and I wanted to play this song, as a good bye.” I explained before starting playing ‘Good Riddance’.

This song had a special meaning because of Brian, at that was part of the reason why I decided to play it tonight, wearing and Adeline Street T-shirt, but also because it was a way for me to say my goodbyes to my fans. Because I knew deep down that this show would be the last for me…