If I Could Go Back in Time

Jenna was standing in the kitchen watching her little boy eat his lunch while Mercy and Zacky were in the living room talking over some kind of party. She always felt like telling Mercy to just ask him out already, but she mostly just kept quiet. She herself was a single mother after all, and hadn’t been on a date in years. She had come to realize that most guys would run from a woman with a child, and she didn’t really want a guy in her life. Her son was her only man, and she had decided that’s all she needed.

“No Mercy! We need more alcohol for the party. We are inviting some…friends.” She heard Zacky say. She rolled her eyes.

“Don’t you grow up and be like that you hear me.” Jenna said to her son. Austin looked up at her with his gray blue eyes and frowned.

“But I like Zacky. He’s awesome.” He said with a mouth full of ham sandwich. Jenna sighed.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, it’s not polite.” Jenna said.

“What kind of friends? Like girls?” Mercy asked while walking into the kitchen. She and Jenna shared a look and shook their heads.

“Well that too.”

“ZACKY! Come on now, you need more alcohol for girls?” Mercy asked with wide eyes as he walked into the kitchen. He smiled at her and took a few Doritos off of Austin’s plate. Austin shot him a look, and he shot it back in a playful manner. Jenna rolled her eyes.

“No, we need it for Hinder.” Zacky said before stuffing the cheese flavored chips into his mouth. Jenna had heard that name somewhere before. She was sure of it, she just couldn’t remember where. “You know they drink…a lot.”

“Hinder? Why is Hinder going to be there?” Mercy asked and got a drink out of the fridge.

“Because they are our friends. Where’s my drink?”

“At your house.”

“Okay fine I see how you are. Jen, are you alright honey?” Zacky asked, noticing Jenna’s expression.

“I’m just thinking about something. Will you stop eating his food?!” She snapped.

“Whoa, someone is ragging.”

“Shut up Zacky, she’s just his mom.” Mercy said, “Let’s get out of here. We have to finish planning this party of yours.” She said and pulled Zacky out of the kitchen. Jenna sat down next to her son at the table.

“Mom, what’s the matter?” Austin asked and looked at her with confusion.

“Nothing baby, just finish your lunch and you can go play with Zacky. I just have a lot on my mind.” Jenna said and patted his back. She got up and left the kitchen a few seconds later. She went into the room she slept in and lay down on her bed, listening to Mercy and Zacky. “My god, they are obviously hot for each other. Why don’t they just do it already!?” She said out loud to herself.

“Well it’s not that hard to plan Zacky, think about it. What is it you want the most? Booze and food! So buy a bunch of booze and buy a bunch of food! See, easy!”

“But still, we need music, and you and Jen simply must be there. What are we going to do with the little man?”

“I don’t know babysitter? Besides, Jenna isn’t a big party person.”

“Just because she got so trashed at that one. Just keep an eye on her, she’ll have fun. She needs to get out, I mean really, she needs to go somewhere and get laid.” Zacky joked.

“Don’t be a pig Zacky! Jenna is just fine how she is, and she loves her kid. So just let her be a good mom.”

“She’s a great mom, and I know she loved him! I never said she didn’t, I just think she needs to get back out there. She’s a nice girl, she’s pretty. I don’t see why she spends so much time in her room just thinking all the time. What fun is thinking?”

“You know how retarded you just made yourself sound Zacky hun?”

“We aren’t talking about me. We are talking about Jen. I mean, she is a…I don’t know. But come on Mercy, she’s your best friend; you know you want her to be happy. Maybe having a father for her kid will make her happy. Maybe she could hook up with one of the Hinder guys.” Zacky said.

“Oh yes Zacky, that’s just what she needs. One of them to mess her up more.”

“Hey! They are nice guys, yea I know they sound like a bunch of drunken pigs, but they rock. And only one of them is married.”

“Okay Zacky, whatever. Are we finished planning this thing?”

“Come on Mercy, smile. It suits you to smile a little more often. And I was only thinking of Jenna. She loves her kid, but he’s a boy. He needs a dad. Speaking of that, what happened to his dad?”

“I don’t know.” Mercy said honestly. Jenna never talked about that. “She never told me.”

“I thought you two knew everything about each other.”

“Well she didn’t really want to bring him up. All I know is that when she left him she didn’t know she was pregnant. When I met her she was almost going to have him. He’s a good kid, and she loves him to death. I never thought to ask about his dad.”

“Well you should. Not to be, like nosy or whatever, but you know, just to know.” Zacky said and then thought it over in his head.

“It’s her business, she doesn’t want to talk about it then that’s fine with me.” Mercy said. She and Zacky finished the party planning and Austin and Zacky messed around for a while before Zacky left. Jenna came out of her bedroom and got her son.

“Did Aunt Mercy give you dinner?”

“Yup.” Austin said. Jenna sat down next to her child on the sofa. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close to herself. “Mom, can I ask you something?” Austin said as he returned his mother’s hug. It was something he had been wondering about for a few months.

“Sure.” Jenna said and ran her fingers through his brown hair. It was getting long, but she didn’t want to take him to have it cut.

“Who’s my dad?” Austin asked quietly, not wanting to upset his mother. He had never had the courage to ask her before, because anytime Mercy or one of the Avenged guys asked his mom would get very upset and lock herself in her room for the rest of the night.

“What?” Jenna asked, hoping she had heard him incorrectly.

“Don’t be mad mom. Please…I just want to know. I’m the only one in my class that doesn’t know about their dad.”

“Look Austin, your father…he isn’t a part of your life okay. So just don’t worry about it.”

“But mom…”

“No Austin, I don’t want to talk about him.”

“Why won’t you tell me? Did I do something wrong? Is that why I don’t have a dad?”

“No honey, not at all! Your dad, he just doesn’t know you. I haven’t seen him in a long time.”

“Tell me about him mommy, please.”

“Not tonight. Come on, let’s put you to bed.” Jenna said and got up off the sofa. She took his hand and took him to his room, not noticing the tears that rolled down his cheeks. When she turned to give him his pajamas, her heart broke when she saw his tear rimmed eyes. She sat down on his twin size bed and looked at the ground. “Don’t cry Austin, please.” She said.

“Why won’t you tell me?” He asked.

“What’s got you thinking about your dad?”

“I heard Zacky talking to Aunt Mercy about it. I just want to know about him a little bit mommy.”

“Come on baby, you can sleep with me tonight.” Jenna said and led him by his hand to her room. She helped him change his clothes and tucked him under her big blanket. “Your dad…your dad liked baseball. He was a good pitcher, you got that from him. You got a lot from him, you look just like him. You are just as stubborn as he was. I think that’s all you need to know about him for now. Maybe when you’re a little older, we can talk about it some more. Okay?” Jenna asked.

“Okay mom.” Austin said and scooted closer to his mother. No matter how much he liked another person, his mother was his best friend. He kept scooting until she got the hint and wrapped her arms around him. He too put his arms around his mother and put his head against her chest. “Goodnight mom.” He said

“Goodnight my baby. I love you.” She said and kissed the top of his head.

“I love you too.” He whispered and fell asleep there wrapped up in his mother’s warmth.