Just Stay With Me Awhile

It had been four days since Lili had decided that she wanted to be with Zacky, and things had been tense on the bus ever since. While Brian wasn’t outwardly rude to her, she knew that she’d hurt him. She saw the pain in his eyes when she sat with Zacky on the bus towards their next tour date. Today, they were on their way to Santa Fe, New Mexico, and Brian looked more angry than anything else today. Lili still hadn’t figured out what to say to him, because she didn’t want to hurt him any more than he already was.

“Hey,” Zack said, walking over to her from the back of the bus, where he’d been napping. She smiled over at him faintly as he came to sit next to her, and kissed his lips lightly.

“Hey,” She smiled at him.

“Are you and Bri okay?” Zack murmured into her ear, hugging her. “He seems to be distancing himself from you and me lately.”

Lili shrugged, trying not to seem any different to him. She still hadn’t told Zacky that she had had sex with Brian while she’d been trying to figure out who she loved. She hadn’t told him that she’d gone on a real date with Brian, either. In fact, he knew nothing of what she’d done while she’d been broken up with him.

“I don’t know,” She replied, turning her face to meet his gaze. “Maybe he’s just having a bad week or something.”

Zack nodded, not doubting her in the least. The bus came to a stop outside a Holiday Inn, and she smiled at him. “I think I’m going to get a room with Dad and my uncles tonight. Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah, sure.” Zack smiled at her. “It’s been awhile since you’ve spent any real time with them. Go for it.”

She smiled at him and hugged him once before going to the back of the bus to grab the small duffel bag of clothes she’d started carrying on the Avenged bus since she’d started seeing Zack again.

She had just walked off of the bus and started heading towards the Motley bus when someone touched her arm lightly. She smiled and turned around expecting to see Zack, but instead saw Brian. She frowned slightly and found that she couldn’t meet his gaze; she still felt guilty about what had happened between them.

“Can we talk?” He asked her, his voice quiet in a strained sort of way. She nodded slowly, looking towards the Avenged bus to make sure that Zack wasn’t watching. He wasn’t, and she turned her attention to Brian again.

“Yeah, we can talk at my Dad’s bus. I don’t want Zack hearing anything, Brian.”

He only nodded, not saying a word as they walked towards the Motley bus. When they got there, she found her father standing outside the bus, seemingly waiting for her. He smiled at her and hugged her tightly before looking at Brian, nodding to acknowledge him.

“How’s my girl?” He asked Lili. She smiled, and they made small talk for a few minutes before he told her he had to get into the venue and do a warm up. He told Lili she could go on the bus with Brian before walking off, and she did so, Brian right behind her as they walked onto the bus.

She sat on the couch, and Brian, who seemed to realize that she wanted her distance, sat on the other side at the table, his chocolate brown eyes staring straight at her.

“What happened with us? Was it something I did? That night…In the country…”

“No,” Lili whispered. “I mean, it’s not that we had…sex…Brian, believe me when I say that’s not what it was…That’s not it at all.”

“Then what happened?” He asked her. “What did I say? What did I do?”

“You didn’t do anything, Brian.” She told him. “And I’m sorry that I…That I had sex with you. I don’t regret it at all, but it makes this so much harder than it should be. I can’t…I can’t be with you, Brian.”

“Why not?” Brian asked her. “I can treat you so much better than he will, Lili. He’s my best friend and I love him to death, but I’ve seen the way he is. He might not do anything now, but…But he will, and I don’t’ want to see you get hurt because of it.”

“I trust him, Brian.” Lili said, her voice finally at its breaking point as a sob escaped her mouth. “And I think I love him. No. I know I love him. And I can’t hurt him by being with you, not when I don’t love you like I love him.”

“You love him?” Brian whispered, tearing his gaze away from her for the first time since they’d begun talking.

Lili nodded, taking a small breath. “Yes, Brian. I’m so sorry I started seeing you when I wasn’t sure what I felt. It wasn’t right, Brian. And I hurt you, and I know that. I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Brian said weakly. As Lili searched his eyes, she could tell he was lying. It wasn’t okay. “I’m Synyster Gates, remember? Womanizer extraordinaire, the man who has no ties.”
“Brian, I didn’t—“

“I mean, why did I even think I could do the whole ‘one-woman’ thing? I’m not that kinda guy.” He cut her off, as though he wasn’t even listening to her anymore. “It wouldn’t have worked out. It never has. Every time I try, it just blows up in my face.”

More tears began to form in Lili’s eyes when she heard those words come out of Brian’s mouth. She hadn’t realized it, but she’d done what most women in Brian’s life had done: she had used him, to an extent. Even if she hadn’t meant to, she had. And now he was changed for it.

He sighed, and stood up, giving her a smile. “Hey, don’t cry ‘cause of me. I’ll be okay.” He told her, giving her an awkward hug. “I’m always okay. I’ll see you tonight, ‘kay?”

She nodded, not sure of what to say as she watched Brian walk off the bus.

As he walked away, there was only one thought running through Lili’s mind. What did I just do? She asked herself sadly, watching as he walked away from the bus quickly.