Sinister Smile With a Hole in My Heart

“Marry Me?”
Jill, overtired thought that this was the best joke she’d heard all day. Hell, in Days. She laughed aloud for over a minute startling Drew and Alex.
“I was, I am-serious.” Alex stumbled over his words but managed to get himself up and slumped himself on her bed.
“There is NO way, you’re serious.” Jill said once again taking on a cold tone taking in Alex’s apparent sober state. She switched her arm that she was cradling Drew in. Alex was mesmerized by the baby and gave Jill a delayed response.
“Well I WAS serious,” he said closing the small box. “But I’ll take that as a No.”
“What are you even doing here?” Jill questioned sitting herself down in her computer chair directly across from her bed yet not even looking at the father of the baby in her arms.
“Jill,” he pleaded, “Just hear me out.”
“Why should I?” she asked now getting purposely belligerent towards him. “you 'don’t want anything to do with the baby or me', remember?” she quoted his earlier quote.
“I know, I don’t even deserve you talking to me, the way I treated you. But I can’t.- I cant even function anymore. I can’t sleep-,”
“Oh! So that’s why you’re here. Typical selfish Alex Gaskarth. Need to clear your conscience. Well you can shove it. I won’t have my son be your charity case.”
“Dammit Jill! You’re so stubborn. You always have been. I can’t sleep because all I can think of is Drew. Ever since I heard about his birth two months ago, and since I saw his picture last month it’s only gotten worse. Then today, when I held him. It all clicked. I Need- I want,” he corrected himself, “to be in his life. Every child needs their father.”
Unintentionally Alex’s words stung and touched Jill who had a pang of depression at the thought of her own father and his absence. It made her begin to think of what he would want her to do, and she knew that he would want her to be at least civil to Alex at least in front of Drew.
“You hurt me. Really bad.” Jill said unable to look Alex in the eyes now.
“I’m sorry,” Alex promised, and it was one of the only times in his twenty-one years of living that he actually meant it.
A full two minutes of silence passed before Jill scoffed in good humor, causing Alex to look up in confusion and amusement.
“A proposal? Really? You’re about nine months too late for me to consider that buddy,” she laughed at her own joke that Alex didn’t find too funny. “What were you thinking?” she asked quieter as she saw Drew’s eyes being to droop closed.
“Honestly?” Alex asked looking down. “I was hoping you were still, well at least a small part of you, was still hung up on me. That you’d instantly say yes. And that we could be a family. All forgiven. Too fairy-tale right?” he asked embarrassed and shamed.
“Well at least you told the truth,” Jill shrugged. “There’s got to be something said for honesty…It’s actually kind of sweet,” Jill disagreed. “In a demented way. But Sweet.” She said seemingly distracted in her own thoughts. Then she let out a relieved sigh startling Alex who was caught up in the moment of civility between the two of them.
“He’s finally asleep again,” she whispered obviously satisfied with herself as she looked on at Drew.
Alex watched the baby sleep nearly entranced, longing to hold him. He felt almost transformed since he’d met the child. Even days earlier, Alex couldn’t imagine ever being so ‘sappy’ or ‘emotional’.
Sitting next to Alex, sitting here with Drew. It all scared Jill.
Stealing a quick glance at Alex, she noticed he was practically transfixed with the sleeping baby. That’s when she started to glance back and forth between the two males. It had already been obvious to her that Drew had inherited her dark hair, and Alex’s dark eyes. Amused she looked for other signs of Alex in Drew’s tiny face. Surprised she realized about eighty percent of him was all Alex. His facial shape, his nose, even his tiny mouth. The only parts of Jill that were clearly visible on Drew was his chin, and his eyebrows (thank god.)
The similarities in the two boys made Jill question her true motives for wanting to keep Drew from Alex. When Alex had stood by his “I don’t want anything to do with any of this” speech, it was to protect Drew from rejection. But now that he was coming forward wanting to be a part of his life, seemingly sincere, Jill was put through a whirlwind. Sure, Alex had hurt her. But even she could see that keeping Alex from Drew, potentially punishing her son as well, was not right.
“Can I think it over?” Jill asked getting Alex’s attention and looking him in the eyesfor the first time in this visit.
“What?” Alex asked surprised.
“Can I think about your part in his life?” she asked motioning to the baby.
“It’s better then the instant ‘No’ I expected after my not too smooth entrance earlier,” Alex said almost excitedly, positive.
“I guess you just grow up when you are responsible for someone else. You’re realize that not everything is about you, Nothing is about you.”