Silence You Lost Me

I’ve been on the couch for twenty minutes now, things haven’t changed much from the instance with Matt, but I knew that I couldn’t spend another minute on this bus.

“Mila. Adalyn. Let’s go somewhere.” Entering the bunk room, I grabbed my old friends and we readied to leave. I wasn’t about to leave looking like a five dollar hooker, so I changed into a pair of ripped jeans and a white tank, letting my long hair wave down passed my shoulders.

“Where are we going?” Mila spoke for the both of them.

“Wherever, just out of here. Away from the bus. I can’t stand this claustrophobia.”

With a stiff nod, Adalyn followed the two of us. “We’re leaving for a bit. Don’t wait up.” Mila giggled.

A single glance from Matt and I was gone. I couldn’t keep thinking of him. Yes, we were on decent terms again, but in reality, he’d hit me. I’ll put up a façade and pretend like it meant nothing.

Mila was elated to have just the three of us, I could tell. No other girls, no band members, just us. Just like it used to be.

“Do we want to go shopping?” Adalyn stuck out her tongue. “No? Ok…how about food?”

So we grabbed a pretzel from a nearby stand and people watched for a while. It was a nice day and I knew I didn’t want to spend it with anyone else. Not even Matt.

“Let’s do like the old days.” Adalyn suggested. I was shocked when she pointed up to a sign. It was neon and led the way to a strip joint.

“Oh, I don’t know about that.” I moaned.

Mila nodded, “It’s gonna be hard, but I know that you need to. Right now, you have this awful notion in your brain that all strippers are rude and boytoy-stealing, don’t cha?” I nodded sorrowfully, “Well, that’s how we’ll get you out of this mind frame.”

If they both agreed on it, you better believe they’re right. Interlocking our arms, we made our way into the strip joint. After finding seats, we grabbed some drinks and enjoyed ourselves. Mila pulled a girl over and soon, this beautiful woman was on my lap.

“That was a nice routine tonight. I liked your butterfly trick at the end.”

She stopped moving her hips, “You’re one of us, aren’t you?” I bit down on my lip, nodding as she continued. “Well we’re glad to have you here.”

“Just passing through, it’s been a rough couple of days.”

The girl pressed kisses to my neck, breathing compliments in my ear. My cell phone vibrated in my jeans. I pulled out a $20 and apologized, before getting someplace quiet to answer my phone.

“Hello?” a back ally. Great.
A laugh overcame the talking in the background, “Trin? It’s Matt.”

“I saw from the caller ID.”

A chuckle, “Oh, right. Hey, so, this is sudden, but…Val is here. She wants to meet you. Where are you at?”

It seemed innocent enough and from what I’d heard, Val wasn’t a fighter. I’d had enough fights in these few days. “Oh, Johnson’s Exotic Pub.”

“We’ll meet you up there.”

“Why? I can just come back…what’s the big rush?”

“Val and I are getting back together.” I was not expecting anything of the sort. “Trin? What’s going through your mind?” This was his concerned voice. Not the one he used the other night. Not the one he feigned when he was being an ass. This was the one from the beach that night; when I’d actually thought I’d mattered.

“Nothing. Just kinda shocked. You can’t drop information on someone like that.” I laughed.

“Well, is that alright? I mean, with everything that’s happened lately, I figured the best way to get over it was to move on.”

Move on. Right. Come on, Trinity. Just move on.

“Oh, right. Um, well why don’t I meet her when we get back? It won’t be too long.” I was suddenly cold.

There was some discussing on the other end. I heard Matt tell Brian where we were and that we’d walk back soon. “Sounds good. And Trin?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.”

The line went dead.

I closed my phone and put on the best smile I could. I was tired of the drama and the best way to deal with it was by going into any situation head-on with a smile across your face.

“Where’d you go?” Adalyn questioned.

“I needed a breather. You two were right, these girls aren’t all bad. Thank you.”

In turn, I gained two huge grins of accomplishment.

“Where to now, boss?” Mila joked as we exited.

I paused, really not wanting to go back yet. The night was too nice yet.

Heavy footfalls came from behind me but I was too busy glancing up at the store signs to notice. Well, there’s an H&M over there…Bath & Body…

“Trinity.” A single call of my name from a breathless voice and I turned.

“Brian? What are you doing out here…with no shirt on.”

He glanced down, taking glances at the passer-bys. “I needed to make sure you were alright.”

“Why wouldn’t she be?” Adalyn barely spoke.

He looked down at me, “Matt and Val are getting back together.”

Silence, but a quick tug on my hand from Mila. “Oh, dear.” She sighed.

I breathed in a shaky breath, “Listen…guys,”

“-Not one word. Do you want me to stay with you?” Mila asked.

I laughed, “No, I really….I’m okay. I don’t need.”

Adalyn just looked at me, “She needs to talk to someone who knows Matt. Come on, Mila.” Before I could protest, they both stalked off.

Well, wouldn’t you figure it: I don’t even tell them I need to talk to Brian, they just assume. I actually wanted to go back to the bus or shop with them. Apparently I’m the bad guy in any situation.

I sighed, “Let’s go buy you a shirt.” We tried getting him into American Eagle but wouldn’t you know the lady up front shrieked at a tattooed shirtless man and quickly sent him out. I bought the cheapest shirt I saw and left without a word.

“Thanks.” Brian tore the tags off and pulled his shirt on. “So, what do you need to know?”

“Actually? Nothing.”

“Well, I’m sure it won’t last. Matt was crazy about you and after all this drama HE started, he wants to let it all go? What a loss.”

“For him or me?”

“Him, of course.”

Shaking my head, we entered Starbucks. “I’m not so sure of that.”

Honestly, I didn’t believe I deserved better than a guy who beat me, who hurt me until he was satisfied with my bruises. Everyone else had such high standards for who I should be with. Why? What gave them the right?

We ordered and sat with our drinks.

I played with my straw. “Tell me what’s going through your head.” I’d heard these words before.

“Matt. All of him. His shirtless form, the night we met, how he slapped me, why I care about him so much, how I can’t get him out of my mind.”

“Do you love him?”

“No.”

“Really?” he was skeptical.

“Not yet. Maybe eventually. I’m not the kind of girl to fall in love easily. Especially when I continue to get hurt by him.”

Brian smiled. “It’s never too late to make him jealous.”

My eyes met his, “What?”

“Well, it’s kind of a pussy move that he wants to get back with Val to avoid that he hit you. So, why don’t we play a little game.”

“Go on.”

He scooted in, “Have you ever seen that movie Easy A?” I nodded, “Where the chick pretended to have sex with all these guys? What if we did that? Just to make him jealous.”

My face lit up. It wouldn’t hurt Val if we did that. Just Matt! I had nothing against Val, she hasn’t done anything to me. “Yes.”

Brian pumped his fist. “Fuck yeah!” people looked at us. “Uhh…let’s leave.”

“Right behind you.” I laughed.

It was about time to regain my confidence. Matt could be with Val, I could be happy. Things will work out, I was determined to make them that way.

Upon entering the bus, a blond stepped in our path. “Brian, did you need to kidnap her before I got the chance to know her?” It was Val.

I smiled sweetly, “I have heard so much about you.” She hugged me. I was shocked.

“Well, come on, sit! I want to know everything!”

Lacey gave me a knowing look and sat beside me, Leana sitting with Val. I knew that if something went wrong, these girls had my back.

Mila and Adalyn decided to make us all hot chocolate and we sat around bullshitting.

“So you’re happy here, then?” Val asked.

I took a breath, gazing around to all the familiar faces, “Yes.” I breathed contently. “I have everything I need, and then some.”

Adalyn took my hand from her seat in front of me, resting her head on my knee. I’d always felt protective of her.

“I’m glad to hear that.”

“Me, too.” Matt glanced at me, Val’s legs on his lap.

A pang in my chest made me breathe sharply but I didn’t break his gaze. Jimmy stroked my hair, tearing me away. I was grateful. One more look like that and I just might kiss him. Seeing the look on Jimmy’s face, he knew it too. He had questions, I know. When I looked at my friends I knew they all did, it was just a swarm of “what’s wrong”s and “how can we help”.

In due time, my wonderful friends.

Brian grinned at me. Sometime soon, our plan will be in action.

Oh I can’t wait for sweet victory.