Silence You Lost Me

While Val sat in Matt’s lap, Brian threw himself on the floor next to me. We were listening to Val speak about why she came back. I glanced up and saw the hurt look on Adalyn’s face. My mind put it all together and I stood and motioned for Adalyn to follow. She looked confused but reluctantly followed me to the bunk room. The bus had pulled into the hotel parking lot and everyone filed in the back with us, to get their luggage. My plan was ruined, but I asked her to walk in with me.

“What’s going on?” she seemed skeptical.

I bit my lip, “You have a thing for Brian, don’t you?” I questioned softly while we entered the hotel doors.

She averted her eyes and walked faster. “Trin…”

I sped up as well, grabbing the room key from Jimmy’s extended hand, and getting on the elevator with Adalyn only. The door closed in Jimmy’s shocked face. The rest of them would have to wait.

“I realized way too late. You should have said something to me. Mostly though, I shouldn’t have done anything with him. I’m sorry.”

She still looked pissed; the first time I’d seen that look on her face in months. “How far did you go, exactly?”

I breathed, “I don’t know the bases anymore, but we haven’t had sex. We’ve kissed a few too many times.” The door opened and she exited in a hurry. I unlocked my door when we got there, throwing my bags on the couch. My hand guided her in as well, where she stood awkwardly with her bag on her shoulder. “I am so sorry.”

Tears filled her eyes and she pursed her lips together, staring at the ceiling. “I know.” She broke, “I’m sorry too.” And she launched herself at me, enveloping me in a warm hug.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” I reassured her.

“I do. No, I do. You didn’t know for sure, and I was so mean. I glared at you, and cursed you under my breath.” She admitted.

I laughed. For her sweet self, this was unheard of. “That’s ok. I don’t mind.”

After she dried her eyes, we sat on the floor and talked.

“I liked him a few days after we met. He’s just so sweet when he talks to me, and he’s so handsome. But when you guys kissed…I didn’t mean to interrupt, but I was so hurt. I thought he liked me.”

“He might.”

She shook her head, “There’s no way.”

“Why not?” I asked. She looked away again. “You can tell me anything, you know.”

“Not this.” She spoke and I raised an eyebrow. “You’d be mad at me.”

“Shoot. Please?”

She gulped, “I feel like I’m always stuck in your shadow.” My eyes softened. I had no clue that’s how she felt. Before I could ask, she continued, “Your personality is so strong. You’re tough and beautiful. To top it off, you’re an exotic dancer!” She never liked calling me a stripper. “How can I compete with a best friend like that?”

“You shouldn’t have to. You’re perfect just the way you are.”

“No, I’m not.”

I perked up, “That’s it!”

“What’s it?”

I smiled, “We need to get you confidence!”

“I have confidence in the things I do.”

“Yes, but not yourself. You need to feel good in your own skin.” I paused, glancing at the clock. 7:09. “I know just what to do.”

I called down for the front desk while she changed into something comfortable. We left the room to find bags on the floor outside our door. Johnny and Lacey happened to be leaving their room next to us.

“Whose are these?” Adalyn asked them.

“Oh, uh…Mila’s. Everyone else is with their girls in their rooms tonight. The three of you are together, and Zacky is with Brian.” Lacey responded.

“You know what that means…” Johnny started. We all looked at him confusedly, “Sex!”

We shook our head and found Leana, Jimmy and Mila walking towards us. Mila ran and jumped toward me. “Hey, roomies! I thought you forgot about me.”

“No, never! Just weren’t aware the sleeping arrangements tonight.” Adalyn commented.

“Let’s get your stuff inside, and we’re going to get massages downstairs. You in?” The others went to the pool while my best girls and I got our massages on.

I filled Mila in on the plan to boost Adalyn’s confidence level. She agreed that it was necessary. So the three of us discussed our plan of action. We put it into place, too.

Our massages felt wonderful. We giggled on our way back to the room. Things were beginning to feel like old times again. I filled them in on everything they’d missed, including the whole Matt situation, and it was time to let them know my plans with Brian. I considered not telling them, in case Matt ever questioned, but I couldn’t keep things from my best friends. Plus I didn’t want to hurt Adalyn again.

After I informed them of the plan, I turned to Adalyn. “Is that alright with you, though?”

She thought about it for a minute, “No sex though?”

“No sex.”

“It’s just fake. Like, mess up your hair, close the doors and make it sound like you’re having sex, but you’re not?”

“Exactly!”

“Like Easy A?” Mila inquired.

“Yes, ma’am.”

Adalyn nodded, “Then yes. But, I wanna play a part in this too.” She giggled.

When we arrived back by our room, we saw a “do not disturb” sign on the door three rooms down. When I heard the screaming of Matt’s name, I knew it was Val. I chewed on my lip, opening our door roughly.

The girls put their hands on my shoulder, “It won’t last, and you know that. Val said she came back just because she missed the life. Didn’t say anything about him.”

“Mila, how can you be so sure?”

“Just a hunch.” She shrugged.

We went to bed that night, excited about the next day.

When Adalyn jumped on my bed to wake me up, I realized how comfortable she is around Mila and I. Others? Not so much.

“We need to get you comfortable talking to other people.” I spoke while putting my eyeliner on.

She came in, half dressed and pouting, “No!”

Mila laughed loudly, “Come on, it won’t be that bad.”

“Girls, what are you doing today?” came a call from outside our door. Adalyn instantly jumped back in our room and hid.

Mila opened the door for Leana. “We’re going to get manicures and pedicures and our shy little friend Adalyn is going to get her hair cut. New clothes, if we have time too.”

“Can I come?” she questioned, “I totally understand if you don’t want me to, and I’m sorry to impose.”

“No, no, you can come, Le!” I peaked out from the bathroom.

“Jimmy, we’re having a girl’s day. Go do something fun without me!” she called down the hall. Before we knew it, Jimmy was in our room, staring as I put my mascara on.

“You stealin’ my woman?” she faked a mobster voice.

I giggled, “Of course. I’m sorry to inform you that we’re just more fun to be around than you.”

Jimmy faked tears, “I knew it all along!” and he threw himself on a bed. Adalyn stood silently.

“Jimmy, Adalyn needs to be comfortable talking to people that aren’t Mila and I. Can you crack her shell?”

Jimmy bolted into a sitting position. “Can I ever!?” he began rambling things to her; bits of information, personal opinions on random topics as well as compliments. “You know, most women have trouble reaching orgasm during sex. That’s awful. I don’t think that’s right. If men can have pleasure, I think women should be able to as well. Those women just probably weren’t with the right man.” He took a breath. This was one of at least twelve rants like this. Adalyn was finally smiling. “That scarf looks really nice on you. Do you reach orgasm during sex?”

And that was it. Adalyn began laughing so hard, tears welled in her eyes. She held her sides and stumbled forward. “No, not ever.”

Jimmy was laughing too, “Why…why not?”

Leana and I chuckled at their antics, “Because I’m a virgin.” Adalyn admitted boldly. She stood straight, looking completely confused at her own voice coming out of her mouth so strongly.

“Holy breakthrough, Batman! Jimmy, you did it!” I commented with joy.

Mila and I hugged Adalyn and Jimmy. Leana smiled at Adalyn, “Are you sure it’s alright with you that I’m tagging along today, Adalyn?”

“Yes. I’m sure! I’ll actually be able to get to know you now.” She smiled. I was so proud of her.

Who knew that a half hour of Jimmy’s straight rambling would make Adalyn feel comfortable enough to talk to people she didn’t know well?

The four of us left, giving Jimmy, Lacey, Val and the band time to do whatever. While we got our nails done down the street, we asked Adalyn what made her want to get out of her shell.

“I think it was because Jimmy’s comfortable enough to talk – and ask – about anything. I started wondering why I cared so much how I sounded to other people. I’m still a little nervous, but this was just the step I needed.” Adalyn spoke every word thoughtfully.

With our new nail polish and soft legs, we went to the store to get Adalyn a better wardrobe. Leana urged her to become more in touch with her feminine side and we picked out some cute clothes for her to try on. Some, she didn’t like, but mostly she agreed that this change of style was a good plan. Mila and I bought new shoes, too; high heels to show the fact that we were above all the past mistakes and ready to walk on. Leana thought it was a fitting notion.

By the time we finished, she got her hair cut to her shoulder-length, bangs as well, a new wardrobe, and a new attitude.

She stood in the mirror before we left the beauty parlor and smiled, “I love this new me. I feel so much more confident.”

“And who knew you had such a cute shape below all those layers you used to wear?” Leana commented.

Mila and I nodded in approval. “We’ve done well.” Mila giggled.

Here was the big moment for Adalyn: walking into the hotel. The guys had told us to meet in Matt’s room for some booze, and we stood in the doorway before knocking.

“Knock ‘em out, girl.” I whispered. She nodded anxiously, shifting her weight from foot to foot.

“I’m freaking out!”

“You can do this.” Mila encouraged.

Leana piped up, “Yeah, just pretend they’re all ramblers like Jimmy. You’ll feel comfortable in no time.”

She acted like she was meeting everyone for the first time again, but when Jimmy was the one to open the door, she felt relieved. Jimmy’s jaw hit the floor.

“Damn!” he called.

“What!?” Johnny, Zacky and Brian peaked out the door. “DAMN!” they whispered in unison.

“Adalyn? Is that you?” Brian stuttered. He blushed softly and so did she.

She took a deep breath, “Yep.” Her voice came out strong and unwavering.

“Come in, come in.” Jimmy ushered us.

So we all piled in Matt’s room, grabbing some booze and relaxing together.

I smiled to myself, quietly telling Brian that Mila and Adalyn know the plan we had. He threw his arm around Adalyn and smiled, “And we’re all onboard?” he glanced over at her.

She smiled at me then raised her eyes to Brian, “Yes sir.” And she kissed his cheek, slowly but surely breaking from her shell.

One situation averted. One to go.

I glanced over at Matt who stared at me from his position on the couch with Val. I rolled my eyes and looked away.

If he thought I was going to be the “other woman” and be the one he cheats on Val with, he has another thing coming.

I may be a stripper, but I’m not going to be his home wrecker.

I have morals.

I have self-worth, and I’m on the road to getting my life back together.

Baby steps.