Super Avenged: Only Human

“And as you can see, the fireplace is in tip-top condition. There’s plenty of room for knick-knacks and pictures,” our real estate agent, Becky, insisted, walking over to the red brick fireplace and patting the top with her palm. Jimmy and I had been home from our honeymoon for about two weeks, and we’d decided to at least begin looking for a house. We weren’t planning on making any serious decisions yet, but we at least wanted to get out and see what was available to us. The house we currently looked at was a nice little two-story house right outside of New York City. I kind of liked it, but Jimmy wasn’t showing much emotion. During the entire tour, he’d just been standing with his arms crossed, looking around with a slight frown on his face. Slowly, the real estate agent had become more and more nervous, I think, because she was desperately telling us everything good about the house as quickly as she could think it up. Jimmy did this to her every house, and I was beginning to wonder if she would ever realize he was only thinking and observing, and that he wasn’t disappointed with any of the houses.

“Has Santa ever had any complications with this chimney?” Jimmy asked suddenly, frowning at the fireplace. “It looks sort of narrow to me. Has he ever gotten stuck?”

“Santa...Claus?” Becky repeated, looking curiously over at me, as if for confirmation.

“Yeah, you know who he is, right?” Jimmy asked, looking over at Becky. “He’s big and round, wears a red suit, has a big white beard....He rides around on a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer...Surely you’ve heard of him, right?”

“Of course I’ve heard of him,” Becky answered, looking more alarmed than ever. I seriously began to think that maybe she was questioning Jimmy’s sanity. Sometimes, I did too.

“Well, has he ever gotten stuck? I refuse to buy a house where Santa has to come in the front door. I’m sure it’s an inconvenience for everyone involved,” Jimmy continued.

“Um...” Becky said, looking more confused than ever. “I think I’d have to look that up...”

“Why don’t we just move on to the next room?” I asked quickly, walking over and hooking my elbow with Jimmy’s with the hope that I could keep him in line. “Crime hour’s about to start, and Jimmy could be called to action any—”

As if on cue, Jimmy’s cell phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and answered, “Hey. Yeah, I’m just house-hunting right now. Nah, I can leave. I can just do one of those virtual tours or whatever. I’ll be right there. Bye.” He hung up and looked over at me with The Look, which meant that he had to really go. I sighed and extended a cheek for him to kiss.

“Thanks, babe,” he said instantly, pressing a kiss to my designated cheek. “I’ll be home by supper, I hope. Get me the dish on that Santa thing,” Jimmy added, pointing towards Becky. She didn’t have time to make a response before Jimmy disentangled his elbow from mine and left the house. Becky and I watched him go, and I looked back at her.

“He really doesn’t dig this house-hunting thing,” I informed her. “But he doesn’t want me to get a house that he would hate. So that’s why he comes with me.”

“I see,” Becky said. “We’ll go to the kitchen next. It’s newly remodeled, you know.”

“It just sounds fabulous,” I agreed, following Becky through another doorway.
((*****))

“Jimmy, what the hell happened!?” I exclaimed when Jimmy came through the front door into the apartment. I launched to my feet and rushed over to him. He looked pretty beat up, and he was walking with a bit of a limp.

“That guy was a complete jerk,” Jimmy snapped, letting me lead him over to the couch. I pushed him down onto it and hurried into the kitchen to grab an ice pack, which I usually kept handy for situations just like this one. “He was in this giant suit thing with metal arms with pinchers on the end. And he totally kicked our asses. Finally, Zacky just dropped Johnny right on top of the guy, and Johnny dragged him out of the suit. I think he dislocated the guy’s shoulder during the process, but he deserved to get hurt that much. That bastard grabbed my leg with one of those pincher things, and I’m surprised that he didn’t break my leg! That’s why I’m limping.”

“Here,” I said, handing him an ice pack. “Put this on your black eye.” I crouched down in front of him and rolled his pants leg up to see how bad his leg was. His shin was bruised pretty bad, and it was beginning to swell. I ran my fingertip across it, and Jimmy’s hand instantly curled around my wrist and pulled my hand away. I looked up at him.

“Ouch,” he said, his eyebrows raised. I grinned sheepishly as he released my wrist.

“Lie down and put your feet up on the couch. I’ll get some ice to put around your leg to make the swelling go down,” I instructed him before going back into the kitchen. I grabbed two towels and put some ice in each one before wrapped them up and tying the ends. I strode back into the living room and placed one under Jimmy’s leg and the other one on top of it.

“So, how was the house?” Jimmy asked. He had his forearm slung across his eyes. I could see the ice pack peeking out from beneath his forearm.

“It was nice, but I don’t think it’s for us,” I answered. I walked over and sat down in the armchair next to the couch. “But I talked to Becky about a house that I saw. We’re going to go check it out Thursday.”

“Hm,” Jimmy replied. He pulled his forearm away from his eyes and looked at me out of the one not obscured by the ice pack. He wiggled his index finger at me, and I leaned closer. He pressed a kiss to my lips. I smiled and pulled away, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead.

“Get some rest. I’ll get supper started.”