Us; I love that

I looked over my appearance for the hundredth time, trying to smooth out my long baby-doll shirt. Nick’s dog-tags and necklace were tucked under the top. I hadn’t taken them off. I refused too. I broke-up with him… but I was stupid. I was so thankful that he called, just wanting to hang out… as friends. I felt tears threaten at just the thought. Months with no contact. Months since I had seen him. Months since I broke both of our hearts. I had missed him so much, but could I tell him? I just needed to focus on smiling and pushing my tears back.

I glanced down at the promise ring he gave me the night we made love. I hadn’t taken it off. I’m sure he’d see it, but I wasn’t about to go hide it. He still had my love… even if he didn’t know it. I just prayed I had his. I shut my eyes tight, shaking my head and taking a deep breathe. I jumped at the sudden knock at the door. My heart pounded in my chest as my eyes snapped open. I took a shaky breathe, pushing my bangs to the side and hurrying over to my door. I grabbed the locks, almost ripping them off the door, before carefully taking the knob in my shaky hand.

I pulled the door open to reveal Nick. My breathe caught in my now dry throat as my eyes met his dark ones. The ones I often dreamt about. The eyes that were now hiding from me. I glanced up at his curls, realizing they were a little shorter, making him look manlier, but he would always have that boyish figure. That adorable look. The dark locks were in perfect ringlets, pulling down slightly on his forehead. My eyes scanned back over his and down to his lightly tanned cheeks. He still had those little freckles. I let my eyes wonder down to his lips, taking in how soft and luscious they looked. How I longed for them to be on mine again. They were pouted out slightly. I took a deep breathe eternally and let my eyes trail down to his torso. He had on a plaid button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up. It showed off all his key muscles. I could see the muscles flex in his forearms as they twitched slightly. I longed to be in his grasp. He had on tight dark-wash skinny jeans along with a pair of shiny boots. I let my eyes shoot back to his, unable to read any hint of emotions. If it was possible… he had gotten even more beautiful.

“Hi Mitchie,” he said quietly, giving me a slight smile.

I tried a smile of my own, probably failing. “Hi Nick… I’m glad you came,” I sighed.

“I just thought we could catch up,” he said quietly, narrowing his eyes slightly as if he were concentrating.

“That’d be nice.” I tried to keep my voice steady. “Umm-come in.” I stepped aside, opening the door wider to reveal my tiny apartment. It wasn’t a complete mess, but I did have photography books strewn around here and there from when I was studying yesterday.

I watched as he entered carefully, taking everything in. he furrowed his eyebrows and let his lips pout out as he looked around. I knew that face-he was concentrating. His scent lingered under my nose and filling my lifeless apartment. I had missed that scent. I couldn’t sleep at night without out. I could barely sleep knowing that I had ruined my life, but I missed him. He stood by the wall, moving his head to look at me. I watched as his curls bounced slightly and he set a hand behind his neck. Was he nervous?

“Um… you can sit on the couch-if you want… I’m just going to get a soda, is coke okay?” I questioned, heading over to the small kitchen as I looked over my shoulder.

“Yeah. Thanks.” he said softly, heading over to the couch. I smoothed out my shirt once again, taking a deep breathe as I caught site of the ring. I grabbed the soda’s and hurried into the living room, not knowing when he would say he wanted to leave.

“Here you go,” I smiled slightly, handing him the soda. He gave me a smile in return, opening it quickly. I watched as his soft lips gently touched the rim before he moved to where the liquid would hit his mouth. His adams-apple bobbed slightly as he swallowed. I felt myself blush, knowing he probably was aware of me just staring, but only Nick could make something like drinking a soda sexy.

I sighed, opening my own soda and taking a tiny sip, setting it down on the coffee table in front of us. He followed suit. “So you live here by yourself?” he questioned suddenly, turning to face me slightly. I nodded, looking down at my hands. “That’s not safe. It’s New York… you shouldn’t be by yourself,” he said softly, but I heard the stern edge.

I looked up to meet his gaze. “I-I’m not always. Abby visit’s a lot. Once or twice a week.”

He nodded, looking away. “How’s your… photography going?” he questioned, keeping his gaze to the ground.

“It’s okay. Kind of fun… I like seeing all the landmarks,” I responded quietly. I did like seeing all of New York, but I hated doing it alone. I often wished Nick was by my side, with his arms wrapped around my waist and his chin on my shoulder as I took a picture of some random scene. I snapped out of my thoughts. “How’s the teaching going? Meet any interesting people?” I questioned, deciding to be a little nosy. What if he met some amazing girl aspiring to be a musician? I’d be way out then… even though I probably wouldn’t get a second chance now.

He met my gaze again, nodding slightly. “It’s, uh… it’s pretty fun-getting to help people improve in their music. Not many interesting people though…” he chuckled, flashing that radiant smile for a few seconds. I couldn’t stop my own smile. Hearing Nick laugh was like music of it’s own. His laughter slowly died and his eyes became serious as he focused on my hand… the ring. I felt my cheeks burn as he met my gaze, still unreadable. I hated when he shut me out.

“You still wear it?” he whispered. I bit my lip giving him a nod. “What about the necklaces?” he asked in the same whisper. I sighed, grabbing the chains and pulling them into view. I kept my eyes on his just wanting to see some type of emotion, and for a second, I thought I saw happiness. Only I could wish. He gave me a tiny smile.

“Do you want to watch a movie? I have tons…” I suggested nervously. I didn’t want him to leave.

“Sure,” he answered, grabbing up his coke and taking another sip. I stood up, making my way over to the case I had. There were so many, from The Notebook to Napoleon Dynamite. I didn’t know what to pick. I couldn’t pick a romance, I’d start blubbering and then he would think I went psycho. I wasn’t in the mood for laughter. I guess a horror was alright. I grabbed the DVD case of Rob Zombie’s Halloween and took the disc out carefully. I moved over to the DVD player, catching Nick’s gaze on me. I saw his cheeks turn a light pink before he looked down. I took a breathe, placing the disk in and grabbing the remote, making my way back over to the small couch. There wasn’t that much room between us, due to the size. I just wished I could be up against him. I needed his touch.

“What did you pick?” he asked, turning to me again.

“Halloween-Rob Zombie’s,” I answered quietly. He furrowed his eyebrows.

“You like scary movies now?”

I shook my head, feeling my heart rip at the memory of Abby’s girls night. “I just picked a random one,” I lied. I just didn’t want him to think weirdly of me if I started crying for no reason. He gave me a nod, but didn’t turn away as the movie started. I kept my gaze on him, watching curiously as he just stared at me. His chocolaty eyes burning into my skin. I bit my lip, wondering what was going on in his logical brain.

“Can I ask you something?” he asked in a tone unreadable. He was keeping me out of everything. I nodded, keeping myself blank. He took a deep breathe, keeping his intense gaze on me. “Why did you really break-up with me?” he whispered. My heart froze.

“Distance,” I answered quickly, unable to form a real sentence.

“Did you think I would cheat on you, Mitchie?” he asked next.

I shook my head. “I… I just didn’t want to get hurt,” I answered weakly, unable to tear my gaze from him.

“So hurting me was better?” he asked almost inaudibly, but the hurt was evident in his voice.

“I… I didn’t want too-”

“Then why did you?” he interrupted, moving his head to the side. I looked down at my hands. Why did I? that was a question I had been asking myself since the moment I said those words. The truth was-I didn’t know.

“I don’t know,” I muttered truthfully, looking back up at his angelic features. They were blank. “I didn’t want too. I wanted…” I trailed off, feeling my heart beat quicker.

“What Mitchie? Please just tell me what because I’ve been sitting in my little dorm, not wanting to get up because of you. You broke my heart. After everything I told you… I opened up to you, and you shove me away. I wanted to keep loving you, but you killed me inside. You really did. So tell me… what was going on in that head of yours? Did you plan it or was it just something you thought should happen? Because you can’t sit there and tell me that you didn’t want too if you didn’t have a good reason,” he snapped, anger in his rising voice. I froze, just staring at him. “Damn Mitchie.” he growled, locking his harsh gaze on me. I had never heard him swear before, even with such a meaningless word as damn. “you don’t know what you put me through. I spent nights lying in bed just trying to wrap my mind around the fact that you said you loved me. You said it over and over, but then in less than five minutes, you take it all back. Could you explain that to me? Obviously I missed something,” he lowered his tone, but it was still harsh. I couldn’t speak. I felt tears brim my eyes. I deserved this. I deserved him hating me. His face softened, no doubt seeing my eyes become hazy. “You really hurt me…” he whispered, looking down. “I-I just want to know why. Did I do something?” he whispered, keeping his head down.

I finally found my voice. “No. Nick, you didn’t do anything. Your perfect. I was… I thought…” I took a deep breathe as he met my gaze again. “I thought you’d find someone better than me. You’d make it big, doing what you loved and I’d be here… without you. I just thought I’d end it then before having to wait…” I answered truthfully, well-partially.

His eyes became soft, but his jaw tightened. “Mitchie, no one was better than you. No one is better for me than you. I would be doing what I loved with the girl I loved, but you shut me out.” He shook his head, taking a deep breathe. He stared into my eyes for what seemed like minutes before he finally spoke again. “There’s more to it.”

My eyes widened. “N-no-”

“Please, don’t lie to me,” he begged, leaning in a little more to watch me.

I sighed, looking down at the ring again. “Missy thought that you’d do great things. That I would burn out….” I started, only to be interrupted by Nick’s hands on my shoulders. I looked up to meet his intense eyes.

“You broke up with me because of something Missy thought?” he asked in disbelief.

I nodded. “It… It sounded so true-” Nick cut me off again.

“Mitchie… I never stopped loving you,” he whispered. My heart sank at his words. That was what I wanted to hear these past months.

“I didn’t want too. I took it back as soon as I said it. Nick… I can’t live without you. I cry all the time when I just see something that reminds me of you. When I listen to your music, I feel dead knowing that I can’t hear your voice. I can’t sleep without smelling your scent. I miss your arms around me. I miss just being with you… kissing you. I-” before I could say anything else, his lips were pressed against mine. I felt my heart flutter and my stomach turn as his soft lips moved urgently, getting me to kiss back immediately. I missed this so much.

His hands moved to my cheeks as mine tangled in his perfect and soft curls. His tongue grazed my lips gently and I opened my mouth, letting his tongue tangle with mine in this familiar scene. I tugged at his hair, hearing a moan come from him. I let out one of my own, pulling him closer. I needed him. He gently pushed me down on the couch, only deepening the kiss more. His touch became needy as his hands moved to my sides, tugging at the hem of my shirt. I paused, pulling away gently. His face turned bright red and he opened his mouth, but I interrupted, placing a finger over his soft and red lips.

“We need to go in there…” I mumbled, moving my head towards the bedroom. I felt myself blush as I looked into his eyes. They were questioning. “I’m sure Nick,” I answered his unasked question. I was able to read his eyes again, and I saw the love. He nodded, gently grabbing my waist and picking me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist, pressing my lips back on his as he made his way to the door. “I’m so sorry… for hurting you. You don’t know how much it killed me too,” I mumbled as his hands ran up the back of my shirt, sending shivers with his touch. “I-I missed you so much,” I mumbled again, hearing the door squeak open as he placed loving kisses on my lips.

“Mitchie… I love you,” he whispered, setting me on the bed gently. I pulled him down on top of me, grabbing for the buttons on his shirt.

“I love you Nick,” I whispered back, staring into his deep eyes as I hastily undid each tiny button, letting his shirt fall off. My eyes darted to his toned chest, watching the muscles flex as he moved his lips to my neck.

“N-Nick…” I moaned out. He didn’t pause the sensual kisses, but he did acknowledge me.

“Hmm?” I felt him mumble.

“Please don’t ever leave me again…” I whispered, feeling him pull away. His eyes met mine.

“Tell me you love me and I’ll stay,” he said seriously.

“I love you so much,” I said breathlessly, watching the emotions radiate through his eyes.

“Then I’m here,” he whispered, pulling my lips to his before he lifted my shirt off my head. I grabbed at his belt, pulling it off as he reached in his pocket. He pulled out his wallet. I knew he was getting a condom. He smiled shyly, letting pink touch his cheeks as he pulled one out. I smiled back, pulling him down to place my lips on his neck. He let out a soft moan as I sucked on it lightly, moving my hands to his pants. He helped me pull them off before doing the same with mine. I felt his cool dog tags on my chest as he pulled my bra off, kissing down to my stomach before pulling my underwear off. My breathe caught as I pulled him even closer, throwing his boxers to the ground. I just needed him right now and I was so relieved that he still loved me. I felt his hands move gently around my body, settling on my hips as his lips moved gently across my collarbone. No words could describe the feeling that came to me whenever he was near. He made me feel so loved… so happy. I could never live without him. He let out a soft grumble as my hands trailed down his chest and back up to his curls. I felt his lips hover over mine as he slowly entered, letting out a tiny moan as I arched my back, pulling him closer. It felt so amazing just to have him here and I would never let him go again.

He moved in me slowly, trying to hold in the moans that were so desperately trying to escape his perfect lips. His cheeks were flushed with a light pink and his chocolaty eyes with filled with so much love. I crashed my lips to his, grabbing at his hips and pulling him in deeper. I let out a louder moan, unable to contain it any longer as he made his way a little faster. I peeled my eyes open, watching his flutter close as his head moved back slightly, his curls tangling through my fingers. His dog tags flung side to side with his movements becoming faster.

“Nick!” I gasped as he hit a spot that felt amazingly right. He let a moan surpass his parted lips. He brought himself down so our chests were touching, letting another moan escape before latching his lips onto my neck. I dug my fingers into his shoulders, needing him far more. His breathe quickened as he went faster.

“M-mitchie,” he let out in a breathy moan. I shut my eyes, seeing stars as his lips moved to mine. “I love you.” he mumbled, sliding forward some more. I locked my legs around his waist, pulling him down farther.

“I love you too,” I groaned out, pulling on his ringlets before touching his soft cheeks. His eyes shut tight, letting out a low growl. I felt it… I was there.

“Nick!” I screamed out, pulling his waist closer to me, if it was possible. He breathed out, staring right into my eyes. I let another moan escape as I jerked upward, reaching my point just as he did. All that was heard was our voices working together.

He let out a final, muffled, moan as he nuzzled his face into my neck, flopping down on top of me. His chest was heaving at a faster rate, just as mine. I let my hands move to his back, rubbing it gently as he shivered. His nose grazed my neck, making my breathe catch as he placed a single kiss there, moving up to look in my eyes.

“I’ve missed you,” he whispered, his breathe becoming normal again.

I nodded, moving my hand to the back of his head. He placed a hand on my cheek, pressing our naked bodies together. I saw the light pink touch his cheeks, my own burning.

“I’m so sorry. I never should’ve been so stupid,” I mumbled, getting lost in his eyes. He shook his head, letting his unruly curls bounce.

“The important thing is now. Are we back together?” he whispered, letting his eyes trail to my hand and gently grabbing it. I felt tingles shoot through me at his gentle touch.

“If you take me back,” I whispered, catching his gaze.

“I’ll always take you. Anywhere, anytime, any situation. Mitchie, you don’t know how much I truly love you. Just, please, promise me you won’t say it unless you mean it,” he begged.

“Nick- I didn’t just stop loving you. The truth is, I never stopped. I only did that… because I was afraid-”

“You don’t need to be afraid when I’m with you,” he cut me off, setting his forehead against mine. I felt my lips turn into a smile.

“I love you,” was all I could say. His soft lips turned into a sweet smile as his eyes gleamed.

“I love you too Mitchie Johnson.”

I giggled, moving my lips to his for another amazing kiss. He held me close, turning over so I was by his side. He moved his arms snuggly around my naked body, pressing me up against him and pulling the sheets over us. I snuggled as far as I could into his side, closing my eyes as he stroked my hair. He trailed his hands down to my cheek, brushing it slightly before resting it on my side. I moved the hand that held the promise ring to his chest.

“Nick… don’t leave tonight,” I begged, looking up behind my bangs to see him smile.

“Never,” he answered, placing his lips to my forehead and closing his eyes. I felt myself drift into a peaceful sleep. A sleep that I haven’t had in months. And it was amazing, having Nick by my side again.