When I Look At You

“I don’t know what to do Joe.” she whispered. “Everything is falling apart.”

“I think you just need to confront him. Sit him down. Put the cell phones aside and tell him to listen. Tell him what you want. Tell him you want to be a family without work getting in the way even though you know how important it is to him.” Joe said, taking a seat on the edge of his bed and running his free hand through his hair. He glanced up and saw himself in the mirror. What he saw reflected the pain he felt having to listen to Faith talk to him like this. It tore him apart, piece by piece.

“Okay… okay I think I can do that.”

“I know you can do it.”

“Okay. I’m going to go back down to dinner and see…” she said and paused. “Hold on… someone’s at the door.”

Joe took deep breaths as he waited for Faith to speak again. All he heard was her breathing. He counted how many breaths he took while he waited. Once he got to fifteen breaths he heard her clear her throat.

“Joe… I have to go.” She whispered into the phone. “Nick’s at the door. I’m going to talk to him.”

“Oh. Okay. Good luck.” He said with a sigh. Inside his mind was enraged that Nick was there. He couldn’t do anything to stop it. There was a possibility that Faith would be hurt more and he couldn’t handle that.

“Thanks. Talk to you later. Bye.”

Joe still held the phone to his ear even though all he was met with was silence. With a sigh he pushed the end button and tossed his phone onto the bed where it bounced across the comforter before resting by his pillows. He looked at the clock and saw it was just barely 7:00… Faith and Nick had been on vacation for less than four hours and already there were problems. Joe hoped, for Faith’s sake, that the rest of the weekend would be better.

Even though he wasn’t hungry he knew he had to eat so he stood up and walked to the kitchen. His bare feet padded across the floor and the beat matched the ticking of the grandfather clock in the corner of his living room. He stood in front of the open refrigerator, blankly staring at the multitude of food before him. As he was about to reach in and grab a bottle of water his cell phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and flipped it open, almost dropping it after he read the three simple words.

He said no.

“Shit,” he mumbled, slamming the fridge closed. “Why is he such a fucking idiot?”

He took a few deep breaths and looked up at the ceiling. Before he typed a response he had to clear his mind so he didn’t say anything to anger Faith. He wanted to bring Nick down but he didn’t want to say something he’d regret. It only took a moment before he looked back down at his open cell phone and his thumbs fought for dominance over the keys.

I hate to say it. He’s an ass. I’m sorry Faith.

He could only imagine the pain she was feeling right now. One time, before the wedding… before the engagement even… Joe and Faith were talking. She told him that the most she wanted in life was to marry someone special whom she loved very much and have kids with that person. All she wanted was to be a mother and Nick was not going to give in anytime soon.

All Joe wanted was to find someone to love and be a Dad. His chances for that were taken away… by his brother. Even though he didn’t want to see either Faith or Nick hurt… he wanted somebody to realize that he and Faith were meant to be. Why no one could see it yet he didn’t understand…

****

The ringing of the telephone distracted Joe from whatever kind of cooking competition he was watching on the Food Network at the moment on that glorious Sunday night. He set the container of Chinese food on the coffee table and stretched across the couch to reach for the phone. It almost slipped from his fingers to the floor but instead bounced off of the arm of the couch into his chest where he heard a faint voice.

“Joe? Are you there? Hello?”

“Faith, hi, I’m here. I just almost dropped the phone.” He said with a nervous laugh. “What’s up?”

“We just got back from the relaxing vacation.” She said with emphasis.

“And how was the rest of it?”

“Fine I guess. He paid a lot of attention to me. Asked questions and tried to complement me on everything.”

“Well that’s good.”

“Guess where he is now.”

“Um…” Joe said, hoping that what he was thinking wasn’t true.

“In his office. On the phone. With John.” She said sternly and Joe sighed. “We walked in the door ten minutes ago. He at least brought the bags upstairs.”

“Faith… I don’t…”

“It’s alright. I married him.” she said with a sigh.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Actually yes.”

“Name it.”

“Can we meet for lunch tomorrow? At the diner?”

“Yeah no problem. What time?”

“Well I’m taking tomorrow off so anytime is fine.”

“Okay then… I’ll meet you at one?”

“Sounds good.” She said brightly. “Thank you so much, Joe.”

“It’s no problem. Bye Faith.”

“Bye.”

He still held the phone to his ear and the only sound he heard was the dial tone. With a sigh he tossed the phone to the other end of the couch and looked back up at the TV. Bobby Flay had just won that night’s episode of Iron Chef America. Joe felt close to the elation Bobby was probably feeling. He felt like he was on the verge of winning Faith if things kept going the way they were with Nick.

****

Joe stood in front of the diner leaning against the warm hood of his car. His sunglasses sat atop his nose keeping his eyes hidden from the bright September sun. The crunching of gravel signified the arrival of a new car and Joe looked up to see the sun shining off of Faith’s sunglasses as she climbed out of the car.

“Hey,” he said, pulling away from the hood of his car to meet Faith by the diner’s door.

“Hi,” she said with a smile and a sigh. “Shall we?”

“After you,” he said, stepping forward and holding the door open.

“Well, look who we have here.” Cheryl said brightly.

“Cheryl! Hi,” Faith said as the stout waitress pulled her in for a hug.

“Pleasure as always.” Joe said, leaning in to kiss Cheryl on the cheek.

“Come on, come on. I’ve got the best table in the house just for you two.” She said, leading them to a booth by a window in the back.

“Thank you.” Faith said, sitting down.

“Of course, dear. I know just what to bring you two. Be back in a jiffy.” She said turning away from the table and making her way towards the kitchen.

“I think she likes me.” Faith said to Joe with a laugh.

“I concur.” Joe said giving Faith a smile.

“What exactly do you think she’s going to bring us?”

“Probably their World Famous Bacon Cheeseburgers with a side of fries and some Coke to drink.”

“I haven’t had a bacon cheeseburger in a few years.”

“Faith Jonas you have no idea what you’ve been missing.” He said in a joking manner.

“It better be good Joseph Jonas.” She said and as their smiles faded silence overtook them. Joe coughed awkwardly while Faith shifted in her seat.

“So… the weekend…”

“Was an absolute disaster. I know I told you that he tried paying attention to me after our little confrontation but it was a very… cold, tension filled two days.”

“I don’t think I’d ever be able to explain my brother to you.” he said with a sigh.

“I don’t think I’d ever be able to explain my husband to you.” she said, her lips pursing together. Joe let a few moments of silence pass as a question formed in his mind.

“Faith…” he said and she looked up at him. “Do you love Nick?”

The look on her face instantly made him regret it. It was a look of shock and surprise. She blinked her eyes a few times as she processed his question. Because of how long it was taking her to answer his heart started to beat wildly with hope.

“Joe… of course I do. You know that.” She said softly. Joe nodded his head in understanding as his heart sank past his stomach.

“Here we are,” Cheryl said, placing their plates in front of them on the table. “Enjoy!”

“Thanks,” Faith murmured. Joe glanced up to see Faith’s eyes on him which she quickly diverted towards her burger.

Maybe I was wrong…