When I Look At You

The steam from the shower fogged up the mirror as Joe shut the water off. The soft drip, drip, drip of the water was the only sound in the room as it fell from Joe’s body. The rings of the shower curtain clashed together as Joe shoved it aside, grabbing the towel off of the toilet seat.

He dried off and wrapped the towel around his waist. Stepping out of the shower, his feet made contact with the soft, plush rug which felt so comfortable under his feet. He walked over to the mirror, wiping away the condensation with his hand. He studied the features of his face. He looked weak… tired…

“Pathetic.” He spat.

A look at the clock told him it was already six and he only had about twenty minutes to get ready to go. Heaving a sigh he turned and left the bathroom, pulling a bunch of clothes out of his closet. Deciding what to wear was like trying to get Faith out of his mind. Impossible.

The entire time he stared at the clothes he tried to imagine what Faith would think of each outfit. Which one would she think was stupid, which one would she find appealing, which one would she find completely ugly. He let out a frustrated groan and smacked his forehead.

“Stop it!” he shouted. “Just think of a typical dinner with Kevin and Danielle.”

After much deliberation he picked out a sensible shirt and tie combination. Glancing at the clock the time was now six twenty-five. He was going to be late. He grabbed his keys from the table and ran to the elevator, repeatedly pushing the button. The numbers were moving so slow so he just dashed down the stairs and out to his car.

He fiddled with the buttons on the radio as he waited at a red light, finally stopping on his regular station which was at a commercial. As the cars in front of him started to move ahead with the green light, the DJ came back with music as Joe hit the highway. The first song that came after the commercial almost caused Joe to slam on his brakes but he quickly got some sense into his thick head and cleared his mind as the familiar lyrics flowed out of the speakers.

“I’ll be there for you when the rain starts to pour. I’ll be there for you like I’ve been there before. I’ll be there for you ’cause you’re there for me too…”

It was their song. His and Faith’s that is. It made him remember of the day they decided it would be their little secret. She and Nick had just had a terrible fight, their first fight, and Faith needed someone to talk to. She knocked on Joe’s bedroom door and when he opened it she had tears pouring down her face and the first thing that came to mind was to hug her. He remembered the pain he saw in her eyes as he pulled her in and sat her on his bed while he grabbed some tissues.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as he handed her the tissues. He sat next to her as she blew her nose, trying to wipe away her tears.

“We had a fight.” She whispered.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, putting an arm around her shoulders.

“No,” she said. She glanced up at him, her eyes shimmering with tears. “Yes.”

“Well I’m here. Go ahead.”

“So the whole reason I’m in your house tonight is to hang out with Nick right?” she asked, sniffing back tears.

“Yeah,” Joe said shrugging his shoulders.

“Yeah well so much for that. He’s so engrossed in writing this new song that he’s been ignoring me all night. All week really. He hasn’t taken me out on an actual date in like a week and a half. I miss that. I want to be able to go out with my boyfriend and actually enjoy each other’s company instead of this.” She said, raising her arms in defeat and letting out a sob.

Joe opened his arms instinctively, unsure as to why he did so. Faith leaned her whole body into Joe’s arms, sobbing into his shirt. Joe was unaware as to where he should place his hands. Too low and it would be considered inappropriate. Too high and it would just feel awkward. He finally settled on placing them in the middle of her back, rubbing small circles and trying to soothe her with a slight shushing sound.

“I’m here,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head as her tears stained his shirt. “I’ll always be here for you. No matter what.”

Faith let out a small laugh and pulled away slightly. She rested her chin on Joe’s chest and looked up at him, a small smile on her face. He looked at her puzzlingly and stopped the motions of his hands on her back.

“What?”

“You sound like you’re quoting The Rembrandts.” She giggled.

“Ha, I guess I do.” He said, smiling down at her.

“Can that be our song, Joe? Our little secret?” she asked.

“Yeah. I promise that I will be there for you whenever you need me.”

“And I promise that I’ll be there for you too, twenty-four seven.”

“Sounds like a good deal.” He said. She sighed and wrapped her arms tighter around him. He was a little shocked at the action but hugged her right back nonetheless.

Joe shook the memory out of his mind as he pulled into Kevin and Danielle’s driveway. Once in the entryway he rang the doorbell and almost instantly Danielle was there to greet him. She smiled widely and led him in and they headed into the living room.

“I’m glad you came, Joe.” Danielle said, sitting on the couch as Joe sat across from her. “You’ve seemed a bit down lately.”

“Have I?” he asked.

“Yeah, ever since the rehearsal dinner the other night.” She said.

“Oh.” He said, not knowing what else to say. He looked around the house, at how cozy Danielle had made it. Pictures of her and Kevin and of the family hung on the walls and sat in frames on the mantle. “Where’s Kevin?”

“Upstairs changing his tie.” She said. “It didn’t match his shirt at all.”

“Yes it did.” Kevin said, coming down the stairs. “Hey, Joe, can I get you a drink?”

“Do you have any wine?”

“White.” Kevin said, nodding.

“That’s fine.”

“Same for you, Dani?”

“Yes, please.”

“Be right back,” he said with a smile as he headed into the kitchen. Just then the doorbell rang and Danielle smiled.

“I’ve got it!” she called to Kevin. Joe looked toward the door as someone walked in. A woman… blonde. He jumped out of his seat and went into the kitchen.

“What the hell is going on?” he asked Kevin in a hushed voice.

“I’m getting drinks…” Kevin said, giving Joe a quizzical look.

“No I mean what’s with the blonde?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know, Kev!” he said, his voice a little louder. He looked over his shoulder to make sure Danielle hadn’t heard.

“I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about Joe.”

“Fine, whatever. You might want to pour another glass of wine.”

“Why?”

“Kev! Pour another glass of wine for Lynnie!” Danielle called from the living room.

“Told you,” Joe muttered, picking up two glasses. “Here you go, Dani.” He said, handing her a glass. “Lynnie I assume.”

“You assume correctly. Thank you.” she said, taking the glass he held out to her. Kevin joined them and handed Joe a glass.

“Lynnie I didn’t know you were coming.” Kevin said, giving Lynnie a kiss on the cheek.

“I thought it would be a nice surprise.” Danielle said with a smile. She linked her arm with Lynnie’s and led her to the couch. Joe went to sit next to Kevin on the other couch but Danielle grabbed his arm. “Here Joe, sit with Lynnie and I’ll sit with Kevin.”

“Um… alright.” Joe said, glancing at Lynnie as he sat next to her, a good few inches away. “So… uh… Lynnie. That’s an interesting name.”

“It’s short for Carolyn.” She said smiling at him.

“Oh well that’s… nice.” Joe said. He coughed awkwardly and took a sip of his wine.

“Lynnie’s a psychologist.” Danielle said, looking over at Joe. “I find it fascinating.”

“Get lots of crazy patients?” Joe asked.

“A few.” Lynnie said laughing. “So Danielle was telling me about how your brother, Nick just got married. That sounds exciting.”

Of course as she was saying that Joe was taking another sip of his wine. He started coughing as he practically choked on it. Lynnie reached across to pat him on the back but he held up a hand signaling he was fine.

“Sorry. It uh… went down the wrong pipe.” Joe said, clearing his throat. His ears were burning. Kevin raised an eyebrow at him and Joe looked down at the ground. “So uh, how do you know Danielle?”

“Our mothers work together.”

“You really should meet Lynnie’s mother, Joe.” Danielle said, smiling at him. Joe glanced at Kevin who shrugged his shoulders.

“If you’ll excuse me,” Kevin said standing up. “I’ll be right back.”

Joe’s eyes followed Kevin as he walked to the kitchen. He downed the rest of his wine and stood up.

“Just getting some more wine.” He muttered, walking into the kitchen. He glanced over his shoulder as he rounded the corner where he was out of view of Danielle and Lynnie.

Kevin was heading into the downstairs bathroom. Joe caught the door right before it closed and followed Kevin in, silently closing the door behind him. Kevin turned around and jumped.

“Holy fuck, Joe! What are you doing here?”

“Geez, lower your voice. They’ll hear you.” he said, glancing over his shoulder. “I thought you leaving was signaling me to follow you so we can figure out a way to get me out of this mess.”

“I wasn’t signaling you at all.” Kevin said, shaking his head. “What mess?”

“Are you kidding me? Danielle is obviously trying to set me up with Lynnie. I don’t want to be set up with Lynnie.”

“Are you sure?” Kevin asked. Joe glared at him and he held up his hands defensively. “Okay just… checking. You just met her though. She’s really an incredible woman. You should give her a chance. I mean… when was the last time you were truly happy with someone, Joe?”

“Kevin…” Joe said warningly.

“Okay, okay. I get it. You’re not interested.”

“No. I’m not.”

“Okay, well now that I know I can… figure out some way to get you out of it.”

“Thanks, Kev. You’re the best.” Joe said, giving Kevin a hug.

“Thanks. Now uh… so since it wasn’t code…” Kevin said, pointing his thumb over his shoulder toward the toilet.

“Oh, right. See you out there.” Joe said, going back out to the kitchen and getting more wine.

****

“Dani, this smells delicious.” Joe said as she set the pot roast in the center of the table. She served it to everyone then took her seat at the end of the table across from Kevin.

“I love pot roast.” Lynnie said from her seat across from Joe.

“Did you hear that, Joe? Lynnie loves pot roast. It’s your favorite meal isn’t it?”

“Well… I don’t really have a favorite. I don’t like letting other meals feel left out.” Joe said, causing Lynnie to laugh. Not part of his plan.

“Hey, Lynnie.” Kevin said, drawing her attention to him. “I’ve been having this recurring dream where my leg is haunted. By a dead walrus. What do you think it means?”

“Well…”

“See I’m stuck in this wheelchair, right? And whenever these elves come up to me the leg just kicks them. Which sucks because you know I really love elves.” He said seriously.

“Kevin!” Danielle reprimanded.

“Keep going.” Joe said, completely riveted and trying to hold in his laughter.

“Is there more?” Lynnie asked.

“Well I just want to know if you think it means I have something against walruses. Or maybe that I’ve subconsciously realized that there’s a deep rivalry between walruses and elves.”

“Okay… is that all?”

“Yes.” He said smiling at her. “Wait… nope. I’ve also had a craving for pancakes. A really strong craving… pancakes with chocolate chips. No! Chocolate chips and gummy bears… gummy bears and shredded fig. The bit about the fig is weird since I hate fruit. Oh! Speaking of fruit… I ate a green apple the other day and I liked it. What does it mean, Lynnie? What does it mean?”

“Kevin, that is absolutely asinine.” Danielle said shaking her head.

“I think it’s fascinating.” Joe said, unable to control his laughter. “I always thought Kevin should be psychoanalyzed.”

“Well, Kevin, it could mean a myriad of things.” Lynnie said, clearing her throat to hold back the laughter. “You could have a heavy weight on your shoulders… um… you have a slight aversion to small people. You’re pregnant?”

“Oh God!” Joe laughed, actually falling out of his chair onto the floor. “Kevin’s pregnant! Danielle did you know about this?!”

****

“Goodbye, Lynnie. It was nice meeting you. Have a safe trip home!” Joe called, waving from the front door as Danielle and Kevin stood behind him. They turned back into the house and he sat down in the chair as they sat across on the couch. “Well that was fun.”

“I can’t believe you two.” Danielle said.

“What did we do?” Kevin asked.

“I was trying to make this a nice evening and you ruined it with your haunted leg bit.”

“Hey, it wasn’t a bit. I’ve really had that dream.”

“Sometimes I worry about you, Kev.” Joe said, shaking his head.

“Joe, you didn’t like Lynnie at all?”

“Well yeah I liked her. She’s nice.”

“Nice enough to want to see her again? Just the two of you?” she asked.

“Ah, about that…”

“Dani, Joe’s not interested.” Kevin said.

“You be quiet.” She said. “So?”

“Kevin’s right, Dani. I’m sorry but I just can’t see myself with her.”

“Well who do you see yourself with Joe? You seem so unhappy. I think once you find that right person things will be right.” She said.

“Yeah. I couldn’t agree more.” He whispered. “I should get going.”

“Alright. Thank you for coming anyway.” She said, standing up and hugging him.

“Anytime.” He said, kissing her cheek. “Goodnight.”

“Night, Joe.” Kevin said, closing the door once Joe left. He turned around to see Danielle glaring at him, arms crossed. She walked forward, pulling her arms away and smacked the back of his head.

“Geez!” he said, rubbing his head. “What was that for?”

“I hope you’re prepared to just fall right asleep tonight because I sure as hell am.” She said, turning back to the kitchen to clean up.

“Oh come on Dani, don’t be like that!” he called, walking after her.

Joe climbed into his car and started to drive home. The whole night, when he wasn’t thinking about how ridiculous it was that Danielle felt she had to set him up, he was comparing Lynnie to Faith. She wasn’t as pretty, her laugh wasn’t as cute, her nose was shaped funny, and she didn’t smell as good as Faith. He knew that the only thing more ridiculous than Danielle setting him up was him thinking of Faith all the time. Joe Jonas needed a distraction and he needed one fast.