Too Blind to See It!

I needed someone to tell me how to function after I’d received the kiss of my lifetime and then been sent on my way merry way to contemplate what it meant. I could still feel him on my swollen lips as I leaned against the closed door of my apartment, taking deep breaths. I didn’t say a word, not a single word after he'd kissed me. I just turned and left like he asked, and now I was struggling to breath. Couldn’t he have just said, “I like you Jenna. Let’s see if we can be more than friends?” Did he really have to catch me off guard like that? Did he really have to kiss me? Ok, I'm not complaining about the kiss, but surprising me with it. The one thing I knew for certain is that I had never been kissed like that. Never! It was the most amazing kiss, I mean so amazing that I couldn’t think. I’d been reduced to a blob with a pulse. I couldn’t even remember why I went over there in the first place. None of it mattered cuz Zach Parise just freakin’ kissed me!

I needed Phoebe. I wanted my best friend. I was certain she was in no mood to hear my good news. It was good news Right? She'd been ignoring my calls and texts, and I was worried sick about her. Her pension for throwing caution to the wind and getting down right crazy could only have been amplified by the hurt she must be feeling over Travis.

I walked into the lingerie store and said hello to Abbey who was Phoebe’s only full time employee. “Is Phoebe here?” I asked. She gave me a funny look that set my nerves on end. “What? Is something wrong?”

“She’s here, but she’s not herself.” Abbey's eyes looked nervous, like she wasn't sure she should say anything.

“What do you mean?” I was already afraid of what she might tell me.

“I think she’s been drinking Jenna, and she’s got some guy with her Fabio, Fabian, something like that. He’s really hot!”

“Where are they?” She gave me a sideways glance like she didn’t want to tell me. “Where are they Abbey?” I repeated.

“She grabbed some stuff off the racks and they went into the dressing rooms.”

Oh Crap! I took a deep breath. I reminded myself that Phoebe was just hurting. I mean Phoebe was always fun loving, laughing, joking, and talking about sex, but she took her business seriously. The only way she’d do something as stupid as what I figured she was doing in the dressing room was if she was out of her mind. I mentally prepared myself for what I might be about to encounter.

I stood just in the doorway, pondering the best way to break up their little soiree. There were two man’s legs visible under the stall and a pile of clothing laying on the floor. My stomach turned hearing the moans and the grunts giving me more of a visual picture than I needed to understand exactly what was going on the other side of the small door. I plopped down on the purple sofa and waited for the right time to interrupt. “Harder Franko…Uh… Fuck! …Harder" she started yelling, and that's when I realized I was listening to my best friend have sex. She'd probably laugh if she knew, maybe put on even more of a show.

"Hey Pheebs, you almost done?" I yelled to her, trying not to sound judgmental, but wanting her to know I could hear her. "I'm just gonna wait out here with Abbey."

"Oh Fuck!" she said to Fabio or whoever the guy was on the other side of the door. I was relieved to know that she had enough respect for me that it alarmed her to hear my voice.

I walked out of the room and back toward Abbey waiting for Phoebe to dismount Fabio. Abbey and I stood there awkwardly making small talk, both embarrassed by the situation. It was about fifteen minutes later when the happy couple came around the corner from the dressing room, still settling their clothes. Fabio was gorgeous! Long black hair covered on top by a fedora, gorgeous dark eyes, tattoos covering the bulging muscles of his arms. He wasn't my type of course, but I could see her attraction. She rubbed her tongue along her top lip then moved in closer to him and swiped it across the surface of his, and by the law of cause and effect, he grabbed her hips and pulled her into him grinding against her. The way he did it, the way she looked at him was one of the sexiest displays I'd ever seen. She just oozed sex, and it made me a bit unsettled. I really wish she would have saved it for a more private setting. I rolled my eyes. "I had fun Franko,” she said in her best seductive voice. I was somewhat relieved that the guy’s name wasn’t Fabio.

"Me too baby. I'll see you around."

"Yah maybe," she replied cooly letting him know that she didn't care either way. I thought that was the end of it, but as he turned to leave she smacked his ass. He gave her an 'I want to fuck you again' smirk and left the premises.

She watched him until he had disappeared, then turned toward Abbey and I with a completely satisfied look on her face. "What?" she asked using her best bitchy tone.

“Why didn’t you introduce us to your friend?” I was trying to prove a point, that if she didn't care enough about a guy to introduce him to her best friend, should she really lose her clothes and expose her private parts to him? As usual Phoebe didn’t get it.

“He’s not your type Jen-A. What do you think Abs, he was pretty hot wasn't he? He has a piercing on his..."

"Phoebe!" I had to try my hardest not to take offense to my drunk best friend. "What are you doing with this guy?"

"Stupid question even from you Snow White."

"Abbey, Phoebe and I need to talk. Think you can lock up?" I asked and knew the answer before she gave it to me.

"You're not my mother Jenna." She shrieked at me.

"Just give me your keys."

"I'll drive," she offered, her tone matter-of-fact.

There was no way in hell I was going to let my drunk best friend drive. "You're drunk!"

"I am drunk." She giggled and handed her keys to me.

****

I shifted into fifth gear as we exited the city and escaped the traffic once and for all. Phoebe owned the cutest little black Audi TT, a 21st birthday present from her parents. I loved driving her car. It was small and fast and gave me a rush the likes of which I usually avoided. It was the bright side of being the designated driver on our nights out. She giggled at me knowing I'd never admit how much I really enjoyed it.

I couldn't wait any longer and worried she'd pass out before I actually got to talk to her. That's when I started the talk. “What about Travis Pheebs?”

“What about him?” she spat back.

“You obviously have feelings for him.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Don’t I? I saw how the look on your face when he was getting beaten to a bloody pulp by Jordan.”

“He was a fucking idiot to fight Jordan.”

“You can’t tell me you weren’t concerned for him.”

“What do you want to hear Jenna?” She was screaming at me now. “That I fucked up and fell for the douche bag? That I realized that I had feelings for him right about the time when he was calling me a whore and telling me to get out of his face. There do you feel better now? Cuz I sure the fuck don’t. But I’m real fucking glad we could have this little heart to heart.”

I'd I pushed too far that much was clear. Phoebe wasn't into this type of conversation when she was sober, and now drunk, she was just pissed off. I wasn't trying to make things worse for her. I just thought if she talked about it, it might help. I must have been confused cuz it's me who feels better after a good talk, not Pheebs. Phoebe compartmentalizes everything and she'd probably had the Travis thing tucked away and locked up tightly. Still I couldn't let it go. "He might be an idiot for fighting with Jordan but he was defending your honor."

She let out a huge laugh that seemed completely real. "My honor? My honor Jenna, what century are you from? I don't have any honor. I fuck because I like to fuck and Travis is right, I'm a whore. Stop trying to make me something I'm not."

"Don't do this Pheebs. Maybe you and Travis…"

"STOP! Just fucking stop OK! Who are you to give me advice about men? You're so in love with Prince Charming you can't see straight. The two of you are either stupid or blind and this whole dancing around the fact that you want to bang each other is just wasting time. Just fucking do it already for Christ's sake, so you can leave me to my fun."

"You're drunk. You don't know what the hell you're saying."

"I am drunk," she stopped and laughed. "I know I'm drunk, but am I wrong Jenna? Don't you want him? I mean what happens when he gets tired of waiting around for you? What happens when he finds someone else Jenna, you're going to come crying to me telling me how you fucked up and let him slip away." She stopped and laughed at herself. "Sorry you won't say 'fuck' will you? You’ll have some graceful princess way of saying it. You need to swallow your damn pride, forget your little fantasy world, give up on the obsession you have with perfection and fucking do something about it." She laughed again. "Hey that rhymed perfection, obsession."

****

I woke up to the sound of the bathroom door slamming. "Phoebe?" I called out, but she wasn't there. I had barely gotten her into the apartment last night before she passed out. She was lying half on and half off the couch completely dead weight. I couldn't leave her like that, though she totally deserved it. Visions of her choking to death in her own vomit swam in my head if I wasn’t there to take care of her and I did the only thing I could think of to do, I called Zach.

"What happened to her?" he asked sweetly as he made his way over to the couch.

"Don't ask." I warned.

"You get her feet, I'll get her body," he instructed. He seemed to actually know what he was doing, like he must have done this a hundred times at parties in When he was in North Dakota. Then he tried to grab her around the chest to lift her, but almost got more than he intended. His face turned red and I couldn't control the giggle that escaped my lips. He gave me his best nasty look and repositioned himself so he could grab her a bit lower.

"I hope you use a meaner face than that out on the ice Parise."

"Hey watch it! Who's doing who a favor here?"

"Fair enough," I replied and couldn't help completely swooning over his dimple topped smile.

"This must be what it's like to get rid of a dead body," he commented.

"Hey don't laugh, I still might be calling you for help with that. I swear I'm going to kill her for this!" I said as I guided Zach into my room holding tightly to Phoebe's feet. We set her gently down on the bed and she let out a small moan, but never came to. Zach turned his back as I pulled off her knee high black patent boots and leggings.

"Was this about Travis?" Zach asked wondering if her drunkenness was spurred on by his Jackass best friend.

"What do you think Zach?"

"He cares about her Jenna."

"Well he has a funny way of showing it don't you think?" I felt myself getting defensive for my best friend. I always gave her a hard time about her lifestyle, and I out right didn't agree with it, but I wasn't going to let people judge her if I could help it.

"He was just hurt Jenna. He never would have fought Jordan Staal if he didn't care about Phoebe. Guys don't deal well with that shit. It was just a gut reaction to say what he did."

"Are you honestly going to stand there and defend what Travis said to her?" I snapped.

But he snapped right back, "Are you going to tell me he said anything that wasn't true?"

"Time for you to go Zach," I said and gave him a small push toward the door.

"Don't get pissed off at me Jenna. She made her decision when she slept with Jordan."

"Did Travis ever tell her he cared about her Zach? Did he say he wanted to be exclusive? Did she know if she slept with Jordan, Travis would react like that?" In some way I was fighting my own battle, Zach never told me how he felt about me either. He kissed me and just expected me to get it. I gave him another small push toward the door and hated how my body reacted to the firmness of his stomach where my hands had landed0.

"Come on Jenna, cut him some slack here. You and I both know if he would have said any of those things, Phoebe would have run away screaming in sheer terror." Zach was so right. If she had realized that she was more than sex to Travis, it would have brought an abrupt end to whatever they could have had before it even got a chance to start. I refused to let him know he'd hit the nail so directly on the head, instead I gave him another shove toward the door. "You know I'm right and you're just being stubborn" he continued, but moved along with my prodding.

"She's my best friend Zach."

"That doesn't change anything, or make her sleeping with Staal Ok."

"She doesn't have anyone to stick up for her. I don't see a team of hockey players ready to take her side. She doesn't have bothers to beat him up. Her parents wouldn't hold her if she needed to cry. All she has is me, and whether I agree or don't agree with the things she does, I'm going to take her side."

"You're enabling her Jenna."

"Is that right?" I had just about enough of his judgment of Phoebe. "It's time for you to go Oh Great Wise One."

We were standing in front of my door now, and he reached out and gripped my upper arms. "Look, I'm sorry." His voice was so sincere, but he wasn't sorry for what he said, he was only sorry that he said it. Very different. "Let's not talk about them. You and I need to talk."

He was right. We did need to talk, and I never expected that the first time I saw him after our first kiss we'd get into a fight and I'd kick him out, but that's exactly what happened. "It's going to have to wait. I need to be here for Phoebe."

By the look in his eyes, I could tell he was done arguing, and I thought he was going to give in to my wishes and leave, but before he did, he pulled me in close and held me there for a second. It's so hard to be mad at Zach Parise when your chest is pressed into his and your head is in the crook of his neck, and he smells like that. It was amazing how he could make me completely forget everything around me including where I was, just by being close to him. He looked into my eyes with concern and … well something else, and he took me beyond forgiveness to the other feelings I harbored for the man that held me in his arms. I was just about to change my mind and beg him to stay, maybe ask for another one of those kisses when he softy let his lips brush my forehead and turned toward the door. Begging him to stay had just become out of the question, all I needed was him thinking I was a schitzo.

"Tomorrow Jenna. We'll talk tomorrow." I nodded, speechless and already looking forward to seeing him as he closed the door.

I'd laid in bed the next morning and recalled the conversation in my head. I could almost recall the smell of him the smell of soap and lightly scented after shave, when my attention was drawn back to the bathroom door. "Phoebe!" I said again, as I leapt from my bed and made my way to her. She was bent over emptying the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl and crying. I grabbed a clip from the counter and pulled her long black hair up in it. As she sat back down on the tile floor, I had a cold wash cloth ready. I wiped the black streaks from her face and laid her head down on my lap so I could press the cool washcloth to her temples. She was still crying and it scared me. Phoebe never cried. Never! I didn't know whether I should talk to her or let her get it all out, so I chose the latter more from fear that I'd say the wrong thing.

"I never meant for this to happen Jenna. I never wanted to…"

"Fall in love with him?" I asked when she couldn't finish.

"I don't love him," she argued, ever my stubborn best friend.

"Right. I know Pheebs."

"Do you see? Do you see now why I never wanted to get involved? Why a fuck should just be a fuck Jenna?"

"Please don't tell me you plan to fix this by bed hopping again."

"It works for me Jenna girl. It's not as though I have a lot of options."

"You could wait it out. Give him time and space. Let him come around."

She sat up, but a little too quickly and grabbed her head. "I didn't know. I didn't even know I had feelings for him till I saw Jordan hitting him and all that blood. I like him Jenna I do, but I'm not going to kid myself into thinking after what happened that I have another shot with him. I'm not like you. I'm a realest, even if he wanted me he'd never give me a second look after what Jordan said to him in front of his teammates."

"He might Pheebs."

She snickered at me. "He's not Prince Charming. Your Prince Charming would go to the ends of the earth for you."

"You think so?" I asked.

"You are so blind Jenna. My god, don't you see how he looks at you? Like you were brought to earth for him and him alone and this whole Marc Staal thing is driving him insane. Maybe that's your intention though. Maybe it's the little game you're playing with him, making him so crazy he's ready to explode, and then he'll just pop the question"

"He kissed me." I said it so matter-of-factly that I don't think she caught it at first.

"HE WHAT?" She yelled and grabbed her head to sooth the ache she'd just created. "Fuck Jenna. He kissed you, and you're just telling me this now."

"Well you were a little busy screwing some guy in the store dressing room."

Maybe for the first time ever a blush came over her cheeks. "Yeah, about that… It was a stupid thing to do. I'm even sorrier you had to witness it. That store is my life and … I was drunk and acting stupid and Franko is so…, well you know what I mean."

"I do. Oh My God Pheebs, he was so hot."

"Yeah? You like the bad boys with tattoos Jenna?"

I blushed before making my denial.

"No of course you don't. You only have eyes for clean cut hockey players from Minnesota with small town values and pretty little dimples."

"I think you're right Pheebs."

She wrapped her arm around me and pulled me into her. "Now tell me about this kiss."

****

Zach walked in to the locker room for the late morning practice, throwing his bag down on the ground and starting to undress.

"Where'd you get to this morning Parise? No gym time for you?" Travis asked.

"No. Didn't sleep well last night. I just wasn't in the mood for an early morning workout."

"You're friend Staal showed up. I guess he made good on those passes you gave him."

Zach only acknowledged Travis's words with a bit of a growl. Having Marc Staal as a friend was becoming increasingly more difficult.

"I just thought you should know, he was going on and on about how he finally got laid."

Zach let the words settle into his brain a bit before he took his helmet and threw it on the ground. "What? He fucking said that?"

"Sorry to break it to you man, but maybe your girl isn't that much different from Phoebe after all."

"Shut the fuck up Travis. You don't know anything about her. She did not fuck Marc Staal! I'd bet my life on it. If him getting off last night had anything to do with Jenna, he was stroking it her picture in his hand, and I wouldn't put that past him."

"Come on Parise. Her best friend is a whore. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

Zach leapt over the bench and got within an inch of Travis's face. The locker room was silent and all eyes were on the two young friends. "I swear to god Travis, You use the word whore in the reference Jenna or Phoebe again and friendship aside, I'm going to lay you out right here." Zach wasn't yelling, he wasn't crazy, he was mad however and though he didn't raise his voice there was no question in the tone that he meant what he was saying.

Travis took a step back and put his hands on his hips. "Whatever! You’re getting a little wrapped around the axel for a girl that’s not even yours."

Relief shown on the face of their teammates, as the men separated and went back to their business.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Travis asked when he turned around minutes later and saw Zach almost fully dressed.

"It's an optional practice and I'm opting out."

"You never opt out Parise. The whole time with Allison, I swear you never missed a practice."

"When I was with Allison, I'd run to practice to get away from her. And by some minor miracle managed to get her out of my life, so fuck practice. As for Jenna, you’re right, she’s not my girl, YET. I'm so fucking sick of hearing Marc Staal flap his yap about Jenna. It's about damn time she knows how I feel about her, and if you had any brains in your head, you'd do the same thing."

Zach didn't wait for Travis's rebuttal. He grabbed his bag, turned and walked out of the room.