Love Is Only a Myth

We pulled into the school parking lot and I kissed Anthony one last long time. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to for a while. It’s not that I couldn’t I just didn’t know if I was ready too. I still had to tell Eric the truth, if he saw me and Anthony making out or anything he might feel even worse.

I began walking down the path to the building thinking about the situation between Anthony and me. What exactly was the situation? Now that I think about it, I had no idea what was going on between us. He never actually asked me to be his girlfriend. He just kissed me and started acting as if we were a couple, but we weren’t. Technically speaking were only friends with benefits, which isn’t what I want. I really like Anthony. Before I was always denying my feelings for Leah’s sake but I can’t deny it anymore. I like him and I hope that he knows that.

As I was walking, I noticed that I didn’t have any of my books for class. I turned on my heel and began walking towards my dorm. I was looking down at my shoes and biting my lip as I walked. Whenever I’m confused about something or thinking hard about something, I bite my lip. My step mom, Stacy, says that this is a horrid habit but I honestly don’t give a fuck about what she thinks is a bad habit. I think breaking a family up is a worse habit then me biting on my damn lip.

I finally reached the dorm and took the elevator up to the sixth floor. I stood there tapping my foot rhythmically to the soft elevator music. I guess the longer I think the more bad habits I develop. I soon heard the soft pang of the elevator signaling me that I had reached my destination. When the doors opened wide enough for me to squeeze through, I practically jumped out of the elevator.

I hastily walked down the hall until I reached my dorm. I reached in my pocket and pulled out my key. I unlocked the door and opened it. I shut the door behind me and saw that the room was empty. I wasn’t expecting Leah to be in here anyway since everyone was in lunch, counting down the minutes until the day would be over and the weekend would begin. I smiled knowing that I wasn’t in any of my classes today. I quickly grabbed my things and left the room.

After leaving the dorm room and walking a good distance, I finally reached the building that my genetics class was in. I reached for the handle to the front door only to have the door open before I could reach it. I jumped back slightly to avoid the door from hitting me.

I looked up to see someone that I wasn’t expecting had opened the door, Eric. I took a deep breath knowing that I was going to have to tell him the truth. He smiled down at me and I looked anywhere but at him. It’s now or never Alexis.

Before I could say anything, he put his finger under my chin and met my lips with his. I simply stood there and let it happen. I didn’t kiss back but I didn’t stop him either. It didn’t feel the same as it did before. Before it felt amazing and slightly right but now it just felt, wrong. Now that I’ve tasted Anthony’s lips Eric’s don’t taste the same. I don’t feel the same sensation as I did before. We broke apart and he looked at me with a worried expression. “Where were you, I haven’t seen you since yesterday” he dropped his arm from my chin to my arm. He began to rub it up and down. “I was worried about you”

Great job Eric, make me feel even worse. People love the guilt trip. Imagine how it would sound for me to say oh I was with Anthony last night up until now, by the way I was only using you to get what I wanted and now that I have it keep your lips off mine; yeah that would go smoothly.

I sighed. “We need to talk,” I said as I looked at the ground.

“Sure babe what’s wrong?” Great make me feel worse.

“Eric” I sighed. “Please try not to make this harder than it already is,” I begged.

“What are y--” “Please just listen before you say anything” I interrupted. He nodded his head while giving me a puzzling expression.

I took in a deep breath to prepare myself. “Iliedtoyou” I said in a rushed voice.

“What--” “I said that I lied to you. I never really wanted to be friends with benefits with you. I was just using you for something and I knew that you would go along with it because of how you feel” or how he thinks he feels. “And I can’t do this anymore. I’m a horrible person, and I don’t deserve a friend like you. I don’t deserve a friend that so damn great because I just use them. So please just yell and scream at me tell me exactly how horrible I am because that’s what I am, a fucking horrible person” Tears were stinging my eyes and I wanted to cry.

I saw Eric open his mouth to speak but I ran past him and into the building. Instead of running into my class, I ran to the bathroom.

I set my books on the counter and stared at myself. Tears were brimming my eyes but I wiped them before any could fall. I took deep breaths to calm myself down. After a few minutes, I didn’t feel the need to cry anymore.

I may have physically been okay but emotionally I was drained. I had used my best friend who probably hates me and I made him feel worse. First, I don’t return his delusional affections and now I lead him on intentionally.

Was it even worth it?