Playing With Fire

The last week of August was starting off relatively well. I was still trying to get used to the idea of “Niley” and staying away from Nick. The boys were working hard and getting things done, but I knew they were counting down the days until they could finally take a break. I was keeping myself busy, getting things ready for Layla, who would be born in less than a month. I was so nervous about it, but being in the nursery calmed me down. I always felt Nick’s presence in the room, too. I didn’t know why, but I was thankful for it. It made being without him a little easier.

I was folding some of Layla’s clothes into the dresser, smiling over all of the cute outfits the Jonas family had picked out, when the sun from the window blinded my eyes. I reached over to close the curtains when something outside caught my eye – it was a girl.

She couldn’t have been older than thirteen. She had long, dark brown hair and she was wearing jean shorts and a t-shirt, walking down the sidewalk opposite of the house with a backpack lugged onto her shoulders and white headphones stuffed into her ears. It hit me like walking into an invisible wall. I saw myself so much in her – walking home carelessly, thinking I was Supergirl and nothing could ever hurt me. I strained my neck, trying to keep her in my view. I wanted to see that she got home safe, that what happened to me wouldn’t happen to her. I kept staring at her, hoping and praying that someone wouldn’t grab her behind her back. I watched as she strolled along the sidewalk, kicking pinecones and rocks and tapping her thigh with her hand to the beat of whatever she was listening to.

But then I couldn’t see her anymore. I began to hyperventilate and ran to the back door in the other room, turning the knob and running outside to keep watching her. She had completely disappeared. I started to cry at the thought of her being taken by a stranger, screaming until her voice gave out.

But then I found her. She was unlocking a gate at the end of the street and walking down a sidewalk leading to a yellow townhouse. I watched intently as her mother met her at the door, hugging her and letting her inside.

I let out a heavy sigh of relief. She was safe. She was protected. She could go on to live her life the way she wanted without all the trauma of the consequences. I smiled to myself, picturing her going to college, getting her dream job, and getting married. It was perfection.
But my mind drifted to what could’ve happened. I cringed. A wave of terror ran down my spine. Such a happy picture, soiled. Ripped to shreds. All hope gone. It happened every day. It could be happening at that very moment to another girl. It was madness.
I had to save them.

If I could do just one thing to help the world, it would be to save those girls. To give them back their carefree childhood, to give them back their friends and their family, to give them back a chance for the future.

It had all been stolen from me – all the innocence and carefree joys of being a kid. I had been deprived of it all.

But over time, I had been saved.

So it was my turn. I could save lives. I could stop the crimes. I could give these girls the lives they all deserve.

I was ready. I could do it.

I decided I would wait until Nick came home to tell everyone. It would be the hardest thing to remember, to relive.. I needed Nick by my side if I was going to do it. He was my good luck charm – my strength.

The rest of the day was spent pondering what I would say, how I would do it. The first step would be to come clean to Nick, then to his parents. They would then take me down to the police and that’s where the drama will start. That’s where it will become wounding.

But I would be strong. It would be rewarding in the long run. I would save someone.

And it would be a good thing.

I hope.

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About seven hours later, the boys finally returned home. They were exhausted – Joe went straight to bed after hugging me hello. Kevin had another date with his guitar upstairs in his room, and Nick hurried downstairs to spend time with me. That day was different though – I’d never seen him so happy to see me before.

“Today sucked,” he said while taking my face in his hands and kissing me hungrily, “It felt like it would never end,”

I laughed against his lips. “I missed you,” I said.

“Mmm, I missed you too,” We broke apart and he took my hand, leading me onto the couch. We kissed for a while, trying our best to make up for our missed time together. Being without him all day was torture, but the nights made up for it. We didn’t do much – mostly sleep. But it didn’t matter to me. He was in my arms and I could listen to his heart. That was enough for me.

“I’ve been thinking,” I began as he took my hand and began playing with my fingers.

“About?” he asked.

“I want to do the police report,”

He paused and looked into my eyes, surprised. “Really?”

“Yeah,” I replied, “I think it’ll be good,”

He took a moment to mull it over. “Okay,” he said finally.

“Will you come with me?” I asked.

“Of course,” He smiled warmly and kissed my forehead.

“Okay,” I sighed, “That makes me feel much better,”

“You don’t have to do it if you don’t want you,” he said.

“I know,” I replied, “I just.. I just want to help. That’s all,”

He stroked my cheek with his hand and smiled. I knew that having him beside me would make it all much easier. It would be okay. I knew it.

That night, Nick and I called a meeting with the rest of the Jonas family in the living room to explain what I wanted. I sat on the leather couch with Nick’s arm draped over my shoulders as Denise, Paul, Kevin, and Joe sat across from us, waiting and wondering about what I was going to say.

“I thought it over,” I began, “And I made a decision,” I took a deep breath. “I’m going to do the report,”

Mr. and Mrs. Jonas smiled. “You’re going to help a lot of people,” said Paul.

“I hope so,” I replied.

“We know it will be hard,” said Denise sympathetically.

“We’re here for you, Kara,” Joe piped in. I smiled up at him and felt relieved. It would be tough – beyond tough. But with the Jonases there for me, it might not be so hard.

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The next day was dedicated to the report. I felt guilty making the boys give up a full day of work, but they insisted on giving their support and attention and refused to let me argue about it. We drove down to the Wyckoff Police Station and met Officer Shawn Johnson, a close family friend of Mr. Jonas, who also happened to be Mikenna’s father. Mr. Jonas explained my case to Officer Johnson as Nick, Joe, Kevin and I took seats in the lobby. Each of the boys was wearing sunglasses and a hat – I teased them for having such terrible disguises.

“So, you want to report a rape from eight months ago?” I heard Officer Johnson ask Mr. Jonas in a shocked voice.

“Yes, Shawn. I know it’s such late notice, but…” Mr. Jonas turned to look at me and then ended his sentence in a whisper – a whisper that seemed to convince Officer Johnson of the fact.

“Okay,” he said. He walked over in my direction and said, “Hello, Kara,” He extended his hand to shake mine and smiled warmly.

“Hi, Officer Johnson,” I replied. I was shaking with nerves.

“Please, call me Shawn,” he said, “We can go in the back and talk if you want now,”

“Right,” I whispered. Nick turned to me and helped me to stand up. “Can he come with me?” I asked Shawn.

“Sure,” he replied.

After Joe and Kevin gave me encouraging hugs, Nick took my hand and we followed Shawn into a room in the back. We walked inside and found a round table sitting in the center, surrounded by black chairs. There was a bright lamp perched on the table and it looked more like an interrogation room for suspects – it wasn’t really helping my nerves.

Nick squeezed my hand lightly as Shawn closed the door behind us and locked it. Nick pulled out one of the chairs for me to take a seat and he did the same beside me, taking his hat off and placing it on the table. He slipped off his sunglasses and folded them onto the collar of his shirt. Shawn took a pen and notepad out from his jacket and sat down.

“Alright, Kara,” he began. He jotted down a title onto the notepad and turned to me. “First, I’m going to ask you to explain to me everything that happened. Every little detail, okay?”

“Okay,” I whispered, still shaking. Nick reached over to take my hand and I took a deep breath.

“Let’s start from the morning,”

“Okay, um…” My voice didn’t seem to sound like my own. “I woke up really early. It was a school day, so I had to be at school by seven,”

“How did you get to school?” Shawn asked.

“Nick and I walked together,” I answered. Nick stirred beside me and began rubbing my hand with his thumb.

“Okay,” Shawn wrote down another sentence in his notepad. “Go on,”

“I got through school pretty well. I remember I had three tests…”

“Chemistry, history, and math,” Nick interrupted before Shawn could ask.

“Yeah,” I agreed, “It was pretty stressful, but it went by fast,”

“Okay, and what happened after school?” requested Shawn.

I took a breath and braced myself.

“After school, I hung out with Nick for a while. We got hot chocolate from the school store…” I felt Nick tense up beside me.

“And then…” Shawn continued to urge. It kind of bothered me how heartless he was being about it, but I guess that was part of the job.

“I started to walk home,”

“Was Nick with you?”

I glanced over at Nick and saw him looking down, ashamed. “No,” I said.

“Why not?” I wished he hadn’t brought that part up.

“I should’ve been there,” Nick interjected with a shaky voice.

“He needed to do something,” I said, “We walked home together every day since the fifth grade. It was the first time we didn’t. It’s not a big deal. He had more important things to do,”

“Nothing should have been more important than you,” Nick chimed in again, tightening his grip on my hand. His voice didn’t sound like his own.

“Be quiet, Nick. It wasn’t your fault,”

Before Nick could speak again, I turned to Shawn and continued.

“It had just finished snowing,” I said, feeling my voice become stronger the more I spoke, “It was cold. Really cold. I would have called my mom for a ride home, but she was at work,”

“What about your older brother? Mikenna told me Max went to your school. You could have called him,” responded Shawn.

“Why are you blaming her? She didn’t do anything wrong,” said Nick in an irritated voice. I knew everything about the situation bothered him. He was on edge.

“Nick, it’s okay,” I soothed him, squeezing his hand gently, “Max does his own thing, Officer. He got into the wrong crowd when my parents got divorced… Drinking, drugs, partying nonstop. He wouldn’t have picked up the phone even if I did call. So I just walked,” I ended in a whisper.

“Okay,” was all Shawn said. I waited for him to ask another question, but he didn’t say a word, so I went on.

“My apartment was just down the street from the school. I had to walk down a long sidewalk to get there,”

“Describe the street,” said Shawn.

“Um… There was a white fence. There was a big oak tree across from it. And bushes… Bushes covered in snow,”

“When did you start walking?”

I struggled to remember. “I’d say around two thirty, I think. I’m not sure,”

“Okay,” Shawn scribbled down more notes onto the pad. “Go on,”

“Um, I must’ve gotten about halfway down the road. There was this area. It was enclosed with trees and stuff. Kind of separate from the road with all the cars. I always thought it was relaxing, but now not so much…”

I took a deep breath.

“I smelled something strange all of a sudden. It was like that smell in a gas station. Cigars and Black & Mild or whatever. I only recognized it because Max smelled of it all the time…”

“So why didn’t you run?” asked Shawn.

“I didn’t think it was a big deal. I mean, it was around a high school. Kids shoot up around there all the time,” Shawn just nodded. He wasn’t really giving me much to go off.

“Then I was um, grabbed,” I said. Nick stirred beside me uneasily and made a soft groaning sound. It was hurting him, I knew it.

“From behind?” Shawn asked. There was zero emotion on his face.

“Yes,” I replied.

“Where did they touch you?”

Nick began to bounce his leg uncontrollably. He ran his free hand through his curls and shut his eyes tight.

Shawn noticed and said “Mr. Jonas, maybe you should step out,”

“No,” he said sternly, “I’m here for her,” His grip on my tightened once again, but I could feel his fingers shaking.

Officer Shawn sighed deeply. “Fine,” He turned to me. “Go on, Kara.”

I gazed at Nick for a moment and wanted him to leave – I didn’t want the truth to hurt him as much as it was. But at the same time, his hand around mine was making me stronger. I was untouchable with him around me. It was that lucky Jonas vibe.
But I was being selfish.

“Nick. Go,” I said in a shaking voice.

His eyes flew open and he looked at my face. He knew I needed him. He could sense it in my voice and in my eyes. I was stupid for thinking I could lie to him.

“No,” he repeated, this time much softer. “No, Kara. I’m staying right here with you. It’s just…hard. That’s all. Just ignore me,”

I took a breath and tried to smile at him, but I knew it didn’t work.

“Okay, Kara,” Officer Shawn chimed in after a moment, “I need you to answer the question. Where did they touch you?”

I cleared my throat. “One hand was around my waist,” I sighed slowly. Be strong, I told myself. “The other was over my mouth,”

Nick shut his eyes once again, frustrated. He was trying so hard.

“Describe the hands,” said Shawn.

“Um, they were rough. And cold,”

“So he wasn’t wearing gloves?”

“No,”

“Hmm,” Shawn jotted down another sentence in the pad, “Interesting,”

“What’s interesting?” Nick asked, eyes still sealed together.

“Rapists usually wear gloves,” Shawn replied, “It helps prevent the possibility of us tracing back fingerprints. He must not have been skilled at it,”

“Skilled? You act like it’s some sick hobby!” Nick screamed.

“Nick,” I tried to calm him, reaching over to rub his back.

“I simply mean he must not have done it before,” Shawn defended.

Nick’s temper was boiling for a moment, but it began to simmer down after a moment. He sank against his chair and took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I should be the one comforting you,”

“It’s okay, Nick,” I rubbed his hand with my thumb.

Officer Shawn was waiting patiently. “What happened after he grabbed you, Kara?” he asked.

I continued to look at Nick to build up my strength, then turned to Shawn and took another breath. “He pulled me behind the bushes,”

There was a moment of silence. “Go on,” he said.

I was nervous. I didn’t think I could go through with it, but I tried my hardest, closing my eyes to take myself back to that cold day in December. It was so hard to remember.

“The thorns of the bushes were sharp. They were scratching my skin… I felt something pointed hit me in the head and I got dizzy. I think I hit the side of the bench, I’m not sure. Everything was spinning… I couldn’t really see much,”

“What could you feel?”

I cringed. “He…unzipped my jacket first,” I stole a glance at Nick and he had his face in his hands, trying not to show me his pain. “Then my feet were cold, so I guess he took off my shoes. Then my jeans…”

Shawn was writing vigorously onto the pad.

“Do I- Do I have to go on? I mean, the rest is pretty obvious…” I whispered. Nick was quivering beside me even more.

“Yes, I have to know everything,” Shawn responded, “You could skip ahead a bit if you want however,”

“Okay…” I sighed, “When it was um, over… I think he ran away. I blacked out for a while. I didn’t know where I was. I was cold… But when I woke up, I had a splitting headache. It was horrible. It felt like there were hundreds of sharp nails punctured into my skull. And my legs hurt a lot too. But I managed to put my clothes back on and crawl a few feet. But I’m not a hundred percent sure. It’s still all kind of fuzzy…”

I felt my eyes build up with tears, but honestly my strength was holding up better than I thought it would.

“It’s okay, Kara,” said Shawn, “Where did you crawl to?”

“I’m not sure,” I tried to go back to the flashback, but there was nothing left. “I think someone saw me and took me to the hospital for my head. I remember waking up there. My mom came and picked me up…”

“Did you tell her what happened?”

“Yes,” I said softly.

“What did she do?”

I bit my lip. “Nothing,” I replied, “She did nothing,” A single tear fell down my face.

Officer Shawn wrote down a few final words and then set the pen down, turning to look me in the eye.

“You did great, Kara,” he said to me, smiling warmly. I was surprised. It was the first sign of emotion he had shown since I started, “I’m sorry for being so cold. It’s part of the job. But really, you should be very proud of yourself. Not many people can do what you just did,”

I nodded. I was more concerned about Nick – he was having an anxiety attack next to me. I wanted to get him out of that room and into my arms. He was fighting to keep his breathing steady.

Officer Shawn stood up and shook my hand, opening the door and allowing Nick and I out. I kept my hand around Nick’s, hoping he’d be in my arms soon.

Because as soon as the door shut behind us, he burst out crying.