The Disease Called Men

You shouldn’t call your family only when you need money from them.

Cerise’s evil to-do list for Nikko and Miller:
1. Do my homework, president work and other school related duties.
2. Fan me, carry me in a Sedan Chair to and fro places.
3. Help me find a birthday present for Sarah.
4. Entertain me when I am bored.



“Yes, yes, yes. Yes Claret. No, no one is assaulting me. No, I told you before, they’re all girls! It’s okay!” Although, I’m not too sure on Yasmin. “Yes, yes. Yes, I did brush my teeth! Ugh. No, I’ll do my homework later.”

I groaned. I was currently on the phone with Claret. I quickly checked the timer on the phone. 3:47:23. Oh my god. I’ve been on the phone for more than three hours. I had originally planned to call one of my brothers just to ask one question. But instead, Claret picked up and I ended up being on the phone for nearly four hours and my question was still unanswered.

I mentally groaned. I had to be straightforward. “Claret, what’s the most painful thing could you do to a guy?”

“And then after that, you should – huh?”

“I said what’s the most painful thing for a guy?”

The other line went silent.

“Hello? Hello? Claret?” I frowned at the phone. Did he get disconnected?

“WHO’S THE BASTARD?!” A loud roar came from the other line.

Maybe not. “W-what?”

“Where does he live? Oh my god, don’t tell me it was the guy who picked you up? I need to beat him up now.”

“W-what are you talking about?”

“He didn’t hurt you did he? Tsk. Cerise, don’t you know? All guys are wolves! This is why I was against you boarding in the first place…”

I blinked. “What? No! I didn’t get heartbroken or hurt or whatever you think. I’m just asking because I’m curious.”

“Oh.” Pause. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, like, what’s the most humiliating thing that you could do to a guy?”

“Cerise, are you sure you’re just being curious? I could just beat up the guy if you want me to. Or do you want me to get him locked up instead?”

“Claret,” I whined, “you’re not answering the question!”

Claret sighed and mumbled something like, “I’ll find out where he lives…”

“What?”

“I said, guys don’t like it when they’re beaten by a girl in something they’re good at or when they look uncool in front of others, especially in crowds or the person he likes. Some guys are proud like that.”

“Uh-huh. Anything else?”

“Um… when they’re made to do something they don’t want to do or don’t like to do? But this is people in general, Cerise.”

I couldn’t contain my smile as the ideas began to flow to my head. “Thanks, Claret.”

I heard Claret sigh on the other side. “Yeah, no worries. But I told you already; it’d be easier if you just tell me where he lives. Oh, and Azure, Saffron and mum are home if you want to talk to them.”

“Yeah, I’ll talk to them.”

“Okay, Cerise, hang on.” Claret replied, “Hey you, Saffron! Cerise wants to talk to you now. What? Talk to her, you idiot. What do you mean ‘later’? Talk to her now, you ass! What? Oh yeah, you can talk to her first, Azure. Okay Cerise, I’ll hand it to Azure.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Cerise?” It was Azure.

“Azure.”

“I hope you’re well.”

“I am.”

I could hear Azure breathe on the phone. Azure never was a talkative person. He usually preferred to listen than to talk.

“Yeah.”

“Thanks.”

“If there’s anything you need, just call us. And remember to visit home often.”

“I will, thanks.”

“Take care now.”

“You too.”

“Cool. I’ll hand it to Saffron now.”

“Is that all?!” I could hear Claret cry in the background. I heard scuffling in the background. I think the phone was dropped.

“Hey loser.”

It was Saffron.

“What, dork?”

“Miss me yet?”

“You’re the reason why I left, loser.”

“It’s okay, just don’t try cry at night now that I’m not sleeping under the same roof as you.”

“I think I can sleep peacefully now that I’m not under the same roof as you.”

“Whatever.”

“Yeah, can I talk to mum now?”

“WAIT, SAFFRON! DON’T HANG UP!” I heard Claret scream in the background.

I heard another scuffle.

“Yoohoo!”

I grinned, “Hi mum.”

“Oh Cerise, how are you doing? Is everything okay? I miss you so much! I can’t believe my baby is all grown up! Oh and Cerise, do you have food? I don’t want you to starve there. Remember to visit home sometimes!”

“I will. Food is provided mum, I’m not living by myself.”

“That is good, that is good.”

“Uh-huh.”

“OH!”

“Wh-what is it?

“Have you gotten yourself a hunky boyfriend yet?”

“WHAT?!”

“Isn’t that why you wanted to leave?”

I could hear my brothers shriek in the background – particularly Claret. Mum was laughing.

“Mum, I got to go now.” I could sense Claret wanting to lecture me for another hour on why ‘boys are evil and bad and want only one thing from you and you shouldn’t talk to them’.

“Okay honey-boo! I love you! Kisses!”

“Yeah, love you too. Bye. Oh and say hi to Viridian for me.”

“WAIT!” I heard Claret scream in the background.

“Uh-huh. Love you too, bye!” I quickly hung up. As I returned the phone I couldn’t help but smile to myself. Oh, I had the perfect plan.

“Just you wait Nikko and Miller. I’ll get you good.” I rubbed my hands in anticipation and started to laugh maniacally to myself.

“What is wrong with you?”

I immediately stopped and turned around. Yasmin had just caught me laughing by myself. I cleared my throat.

“N-nothing…”

Yasmin gave me a look as she began to inch away. “Whatever. Lee-Min was looking for you.”

I nodded and quickly ran away to Lee-Min’s room.



“Cerise, you want to go to the basketball court with me?” Lee-Min asked as she stuffed some water bottles into her sports bag. “It just got refurbished last week and I’m going to shoot some hoops with the girls.”

I shook my head, “Sorry, next time. I need to use this time to plan ‘Phase Two’ before going to another annoying meeting.”

Lee-Min turned to me. “Another meeting? I thought today was a free day for us? And ‘Phase Two’? Are you planning something big?”

“Maybe.” I made a face. “Yeah, we still have meetings because apparently Monday is the introductory day of the uniting the schools and ugh, we have to prepare stupid ceremonies and stuff.”

“That sucks…”

“I know, right? I hate those guys.”

Lee-Min zipped her bag. “No, I meant how you can’t play with us. You haven’t played with us in a while.”

“It’s because of those silly boys!” I grumbled, “They’re ruining everything! They’re changing everything and they’re ruining my heavenly sanctuary and now they’re ruining my sleep! I hate them!”

“Your sleep? Geez, you’re becoming obsessed.” Lee-Min looked at me warily, “Just… don’t get too carried away, you know?”

“Don’t worry mum, I’m always careful.”

Lee-Min muttered something to herself and slowly shook her head at me. “What time will you finish? Sarah and I might visit you after the meeting.”

“Around lunch time at the latest, I think.” I answered.

“Right. That totally is helpful.” Lee-Min shrugged, “Anyway, we’ll probably be finished then. So I’ll come over once we’re done. I’m going now.”

“Yes mum,” I waved as Lee-Min grabbed her bag and headed to the door, “have fun.”

As I walked back to my room, I couldn’t help but be excited for Monday. Man, I haven’t been excited to go to school since the time I didn’t know Brookfield and Aldenbury was uniting.

“Just you wait, Nikko and Miller, just you wait.”

And I began to laugh maniacally to myself again.