The Disease Called Men

No one is ugly - the mirror is only lying to you.

Cerise’s helpful tips for some things every man should know about a woman:
1. Do not ask how much she spends (whether it be on clothes or shoes or anything else), for that is impolite.
2. Do not ask her to make a sandwich, unless you want to die from food poisoning or get a special visit from Mr. laxative and have a long appointment with the toilet. The only exception is if she works at Subway.
3. When she says ‘fine’ she is right, and you are wrong. End of story.
4. Whether she is concerned about it or not, do not make fun of her appearance. Or anything. Basically, don’t be that dickhead.



I was grinning like some nefarious axe-murderer as I made my way to the Student Council Room. I swung the door open, eager to share my newly found good news. “Listen to me, my citizens. I have wonderful news!”

Miller gave me an enquiring look, but didn’t say anything. I guess he got used to my grumpiness towards the Student Council Room.

I chuckled and shook my head at him. Naïve kid. He was so clueless as to what was coming his way. I quickly surveyed the room. Everyone else had not yet arrived and the only people in it were Miller and Nikko. I smiled to myself. Good.

Nikko looked at me disdainfully. “Nobody cares.”

I frowned at him as I pointed accusingly at him, “Kneel down, you ignorant scum! Or I shall have to rain judgment upon your insignificant self!”

Nikko just blinked at me, not even bothering to reply. I grinned at him. “As of today, you and Miller will be in charge of figuring out a plan on how to stop Aldenbury and Brookfield from uniting. You’re welcome.”

Miller tilted his head, scratching his jaw. “What? What’s that? Why?”

Nikko scowled at me. “The hell? Why the hell are you dragging me down to do one of your ridiculous antics? And with him?”

“Oh?” I smirked. “But I thought you two were already familiar with each other?”

Miller and Nikko only blinked at me.

I chuckled as I waved a certain photo in the air. “Does this ring a bell?”

I watched the two stare at the photo. A photo of them – Nikko and Miller – in a very compromising position. I inwardly smiled as I watched their reactions. Miller’s eyes nearly fell out and he actually fell off his chair, while Nikko managed to choke on nothing and nearly kill himself. Fools.

“W-w-w-what is this?!” Miller cried as he raced towards me, grabbing the photo and examining it.

“ARGHH!!” Nikko dashed towards us, snatching the photo off Miller and immediately began shredding it. He didn’t even glance at it. “What is this?! One of your hobbies?!”

I smirked. “Not mine, but yours.”

Nikko glared at me but continued to rip the photo into tiny little pieces.

“This is blackmail, Cerise! Blackmail!” Miller cried, frantically waving his arms in the air.

“‘Blackmail’ is such an ugly word…” I smiled and stroked my chin. “I prefer the term ‘coercion’.”

“That’s even worse!”

“Anyway,” I grinned as I began to walk to the door. “I look forward to your services and hearing your plans.”

I stopped at the door. “Oh, and just letting you know. I have the film of that photo stored in a safe place. Go against me and well, look forward in reading the school newspaper.” I smiled as I left the room.

“Where are you going, Cerise?” Damn, it was the bald Principal. Everyone was starting to arrive now.

“Uh, out.”

The bald man frowned at me. “The meeting is starting soon. Go back inside.”

Great. There goes my cool exit. “But it doesn’t start till two minutes.”

“Everyone is here, Cerise. We might as well start now.” Yasmin gave me a condescending look. Urgh!



“Julia, what should I do?” I cried as I started to head desk myself. “I don’t want to write a speech welcoming those little shits! They’re not even welcomed here.”

“How charming of you,” Nikko muttered.

“Shut it, servant boy.” I growled. Nikko threw me a quick glare before looking away. Haha, know your place, you ignorant scum!

I sighed and looked back at my blank piece of paper that lay in front of me. The meeting was over, but everyone was still in the Student Council room. Why? Because the stupid bald man and the mean Ice Queen told us we had to organise assembly on Monday. ‘As presidents, you should prepare a speech welcoming the students’ said the annoying bald man. Wasn’t that the principal’s jobs?! They’re lazy. Lazy, I tell you, lazy.

I quickly glanced at Nikko’s piece of paper. He already had written a whole page and was up to his second! Urgh, he’s so annoying!

Noticing that I was looking at his paper he frowned at me and put his arm around it, covering his work.

“You act as if I’m cheating!” I frowned at him, but leaned in, still trying to get a peek. “But I’m not.”

“Then do your own work and stop looking at mine.”

“What? It’s called sharing knowledge! Come on, Nikko. You like me, remember? Sharing is caring.”

Nikko gave me a dirty look. “I don’t care about you.”

I made a hurt expression. “You’re so horrible. After all we’ve been through you’re still like this.”

Nikko snorted but continued to ignore me. That loser.

Yasmin scowled at me, “Cerise, shut up. Just do your own work. You only have to write a speech. We have to plan the event. You hardly have to do anything. So stop your whining, you spoilt brat. Or I’ll put your hand in warm water tonight.”

I gulped. That was true, very true. And I had nothing to say to that. And I also knew Yasmin was evil enough to do that prank to me. So I looked down onto my blank paper and began drawing stick figures.



After a long and unproductive ten minutes, I was bored. I missed the old days in the Student Council. Back then, the most work we ever did was plan a social or fundraising event. And that was actually fun. Now, it just sucked. Stupid boys. It was all their fault! I couldn’t talk to anyone because they were all busy – even Julia was busy! Whenever I tried to talk to her, she would hiss at me. Ugh, she can be pretty scary when she’s serious sometimes. I groaned. I was bored and everyone was too busy being boring.

“Ah,” I sighed dramatically, breaking the boring silence, “I’m so thirsty, but my legs are too tired to move…” I looked at Miller and smiled.

At first, Miller just blinked at me. I kept smiling at him. Miller bit his lip, “D-did you want me to get you a drink?”

What a smart boy. “Aw, you’re too kind! I would never ask you specifically, but if you insist, I’d like a Mountain Dew please.”

“What the hell?” Nikko scoffed, “You are asking him.”

Miller sighed, “R-right, I’ll get that…”

I grinned at Miller and waved as he left. “Thanks Miller!”

“M-my pleasure,” he mumbled miserably.

“How do you do that?” Kyles asked, extremely impressed after Miller left the room.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, as I flipped my hair off my shoulder. “Perhaps it’s my charismatic charm? My incredible good looks? My – ”

“You’re black-mailing them, aren’t you?” Yasmin cut in.

I looked at Yasmin, shocked she could ever suggest that. “Never! Nikko and Miller are just being extremely nice these days! Right, Nikko?”

Nikko grunted in response.

“Cerise, I feel like junk food.” Julia suddenly stated.

“Huh? Oh!” I smiled as I glanced at Nikko, “So do I…”

Nikko looked at Julia, surprised. “What the hell? I thought you were supposed to be the nice one…”

“I feel like regular fries, cheeseburger and a Sprite.” Julia continued, “I want it fresh and delivered.”

“Hey, hey, I’ll do it for Cerise but not for you…”

“Oh, I know about the photo,” Julia interrupted coolly.

Nikko froze and stared at Julia.

“I’d like the salad meal, medium fries and a Fanta,” Yasmin added.

Nikko groaned. “Not you too…”

“Oh!” Kyles raised his hand. “And I’d like…”

Nikko glowered at Kyles. “Yes, and what would you like, huh?” His voice was low and threatening.

Kyles quickly averted his eyes and coughed. “Uh, I’d like to go home… ha-ha…”

“I’d hurry if I were you,” I advised Nikko, “the buses are hourly here.”

Nikko muttered something under his breath and began to leave the room. Just as Nikko was about to open the door, the door opened. It was Miller.

“Huh?” Miller frowned. I saw him holding my drink. “Where you going?” Miller asked Nikko as Nikko walked past.

Nikko just looked at Miller.

“Oh. I get it.” Miller handed me my drink, “But I’d hurry of I were you – the busses come hourly.”



“I can’t believe you actually got us the meal…” Julia was saying as Nikko returned, carrying the bags of food. Julia sighed and shook her head and mumbled, “I was actually joking…”

“What?!” Nikko nearly dropped the bags, and immediately turned to Julia. “What did you just say?”

“Hurry up and put the food down,” Yasmin ordered, “I don’t want my food to go cold.”

“I can’t believe this…” Nikko grumbled as he began to unpack the bags.

And I sat there smugly, watching it all unfold.

“Hey, this cheeseburger is pretty good.” Julia stated as she bit into her burger. The delightful aroma of fried food wafted in the room.

“Man, I wish I had some food…” Kyles sighed, head resting on his hand as he watched Julia eat her burger. Miller nodded.

“Eh.” Yasmin put down her fries. “I don’t know. These are soggy.”

Nikko glared at Yasmin. “But the salad is good.” Yasmin quickly amended.

I nodded as I opened my meal “With every nugget, with every fry and with every burger, I can feel my arteries start to block.” I grinned. “I love junk food!”

“Yeah, I can tell that by your thighs…” Nikko muttered as he slumped down in a chair next to me.

Yasmin snickered, Julia and Kyles stared at Nikko in horror and Miller frowned at him and threw an eraser at Nikko, which Nikko dodged. Nikko only shrugged in response.

I just stared at him.

“You know,” I said calmly as I put down me meal, “I actually don’t feel like junk food anymore. Can you please throw this in the bin? I want real food. Like… oh, I don’t know… maybe Tartar of Kobe beef with Imperial Beluga caviar and Belons oyster and I want the Grand Opulence Sundae for dessert. Oh, and I want my drink to be Dom Pérignon.”

Nikko just stared at me.

“Also, poor little me has an aching foot,” I pouted, “I think I may need a foot massage.”

I smirked at him evilly. Nikko looked at me in stunned sort of horror.

Despite what was happening to my heavenly sanctuary; oh, was I enjoying this.