We Knew That Time Would Kill Us

Our race back to the buses was spent in dreadful silence; anticipating what was going to happen once we got there. Evan had refused to let go of my hand the entire way there, but it wasn’t as if I was complaining. I only briefly explain how much of a conniption Matt was potentially going to have, but that seemed to be enough for him to know that we were in a hurry.

I paled at the sight of the buses after we flashed our passes to the security when we entered the parking lot; every single light on our bus was on. It was clear they were waiting, impatiently and in worry, for me.

“Payton—are you okay?” Evan asked, abruptly stopping him and pulling slightly on my hand. “You’re white as a sheet.” The severity of the situation was only beginning to sink into him, and he pulled me a little closer as his eyes flickered from the bus to me.

Sheepishly, I nodded and locked eyes with him. “Alright, let me rephrase that. Are you going to be okay?” He asked, looking down at me with an intense, worried glint in his eye.

“I don’t know.” I answered truthfully, shoving my hands into my pockets when he placed a hand on each of my shoulders.

He gave me a sharp look, tilting my chin up a little higher. “Is he going to hurt you?” He demanded, and I looked at him shocked for a moment, before I vehemently shook my head. He let out a sigh of relief, then looked at me with a new kind of seriousness.

We gave each other a fleeting smile, temporarily forgetting about our problems as we stared into each other’s eyes. A moment such as this had been what I was waiting for with Evan. Things were far from perfect; we were both well aware of that, but moments alone with each other when we were on good terms were always few and far between.

Giving him one last smile, I stood on my toes with my heart beating a mile a minute. With a small smirk and his hands still on my shoulders, he bent down the rest of the way until our lips were nearly touching. I had been waiting so long for this, my first kiss, ever since I’d laid my eyes on Evan. It never seemed that important to me before, but that was mainly because I didn’t like any boys back then.

But this... this was perfect. Evan was exactly the person I wanted to share this with. It was just a simple, soft kiss. Evan’s hands did not move from my shoulders, therefore not making me uncomfortable in any way. Just moments later, we broke away, this time grinning at each other. We knew just from the look on both of our faces that we had just felt something in that kiss. I was willing then to do anything to keep our budding relationship alive.

“Payton fucking Sanders!”

I shivered at the familiar, unbelievably angry tone of Matt’s voice, and hesitantly turned in the direction of his voice. I was shocked once again to find him standing only a few feet away from us, looking livid and ready to destroy anything that was in his path.

Instantly, Evan’s hands dropped from my shoulders but he didn’t move any further away from me. I could tell he was fighting with himself, wondering if he should try and protect me from Matt. Obviously, I wasn’t having any of that because it would only end up in Evan getting hurt, so I gave him one last smile before I took a few timid steps toward Matt.

Going near a ticking time bomb such as Matt wasn’t exactly a good idea, but it was the only one I could think of at that moment. As soon as I was into his reach, Matt grabbed my hand and wrenched me to his side, holding me there protectively. I wanted to roll my eyes so badly, he was acting as if Evan had kidnapped me and he had just been bargaining for my life.

Now that I was safely within his grasp, he instantly began yelling, but not at me. “I swear to motherfucking God kid, I’ve had enough of your shit. So if you know what’s best for you and your band, from now on you better stay the fuck away from Payton!”

Yet again, I was beyond shocked at my father’s words. I quickly pushed myself away from him, going from stunned to outraged in a split second, sending Matt a murderous glare.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” I demanded, ready to deck him. Had he really sunk so low to threaten Evan? Matt ignored me, not tearing his harsh gaze away from Evan even for a split second.

Barely batting an eyelash, Evan took the same route as Matt was and completely ignored him, giving me another look. “Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?”

“Yeah,” I said softly, knowing that he only meant physically because it was obvious I was going to go through quite a bit of emotional turmoil tonight.

“Alright, fuck this!” Matt huffed, seeing that he hadn’t made any progress in scaring Evan away. He turned around and pushed me toward the bus, his hands gripping my shoulders tightly as if he were worried I was going to make a run for it. After what had happened with Syn at the party last year, I knew right off the bat not to try that again. I looked behind myself to try and get one last glimpse of Evan, but all I could see was Matt's large, foreboding figure.

By the time we got into the bus, I was seething. I couldn’t believe Matt would pull such a thing, that he had been so goddamn desperate. This had just fucked my plans of fixing everything up so much. I fought to get myself out of Matt’s clutches, and once I did I turned and saw every single member of A7X staring at me with their arms crossed.

“Jesus, Mini, you are in so much trouble!” Jimmy yelled, his tone as crazy as ever but this time there was an air of seriousness to it. The rest of the guys, not including Matt, muttered some form of agreement.

I was thinking Matt was too angry to even speak, but I was quickly proven wrong when he was yelling once more, this time at me. “What the fuck were you thinking?!”

He wanted a screaming match... well, he was sure as hell about to get one. I was sick of these shenanigans, and my old self was itching to show herself once again. “Me? What the fuck were you thinking, asshole? Just because you’re some high and fucking mighty rock star doesn’t mean you can threaten Evan like that!”

My shouting definitely shocked Matt and everyone else, and for a moment he was silent. “I did what I thought was right in order to protect you—”

“Oh, cut the bullshit! I don’t know if this is your fucked up way of trying to make up for all the years you missed, but it’s not fucking working! I don’t know what I would have done without Evan these past few weeks, I don’t know how I would have dealt with even half the shit you’ve given me!”

Verbally lashing out at Matt was yet another of my bad ideas for that night, but I felt I had to say all of this or my head would explode. I couldn’t keep up with all of this anymore. I had to release all of the pent-up stress somehow. My harsh, unforgiving words had taken the guys back, all of them stunned into silence.

Although he looked angrier than ever, I could tell by the look in his eyes that Matt was truly hurt by what I had said and I couldn’t face him anymore. I began walking back to the bunks, wanting to cool off before I said anything else I would regret later. Finally, Matt seemed to come to his senses then, assessing the situation for what it really was. “Hey, not this time Payton! Don’t you fucking dare walk away from me again, come back and actually face your problems for once!”

That made me halt, his words biting into me more than ever. Again and for once had their intended affect on me, and I really didn’t know what I’d been expecting going into this with Matt. He obviously wasn’t going to just stand there and let me talk shit about him, he was going to say some back to me. But the problem was, this stuff was true.

“That was what I was trying to do tonight before you completely flipped, Matt.” I mumbled, my voice much quieter this time as it wavered slightly. I was done with the ‘conversation’ at that point, and I didn’t stay back to see how he would retaliate, heading straight for my bunk once again.

I was only curled up into my bunk for a few seconds before my privacy curtain was harshly ripped open, and I didn’t have to look to know that Matt was peering in at me. This time though, his voice was eerily clam but I could tell he wasn’t nearly done being pissed off. “After all of the shit we went through last year and almost getting yourself killed, I would have thought you learned your lesson.” I ignored him, his words cutting me deep again. I hated thinking back to those events.

By being with Evan, I knew what I was getting myself into and I was sure Matt did too, but I didn’t even think that was half of what he was so upset over. Why was he bringing up things that hurt me so goddamned much? I knew he was picking at a much bigger problem than just a boy he didn’t want me to be with, but I just wished he would trust my judgment for once. Everything would have worked out if he had.

Not getting any response from me, he let out an irritated sigh and finally left me alone for a while.

Maybe because I had lied to him countless times before and he didn’t know what to believe anymore.