Apparition

Chapter 12: Bland
Sometimes present day can feel like years but for me it was everyday. But now that I look back at it, time went be pretty quickly.
I never truly did get over what happened three months ago. I still felt hopeless, lifeless, and loveless. Whenever I thought about the time before everything crumbled to pieces, I’d cry. I’d cry until my eyes were red and no longer were able to produce tears. Supposedly I was torturing myself by depriving myself of sleep, not eating correctly, and thinking about him. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with me. As long as I was able to walk, talk, and think I was absolutely fine. According to my parents I’ve lost a lot of weight, I was fatigued, I was a bit disobedient, and I walked around like a robotic zombie.
“Miss. Wellington!” Mr. Erikson called. I was guessing he’d been trying to get me out of my day dream by the tone of his voice.
“Yes!” I said, waking up.
“Thank you for returning to Earth, Miss. Wellington.”
The whole class laughed.
“Maddie, can you repeat the homework for Natalia?” He asked and sighed.
“Page one-hundred and three in the math book, numbers one through twenty-five,” she chirped.
I scribbled it down in my journal as the bell rang for lunch.
“See you all next Monday!” Mr. Erikson called as the class quickly shuffled out of the classroom. Maddie and Lawren waited for me though.
“Natalia, can I talk to you? Privately?” The teacher asked.
“Sure,” I said and walked over to his desk.
“Natalia,” he sighed. “I’ve talked to you many times about the same topic.” I noticed how he said “I’ve” instead of “We’ve”. I guessed I hadn’t been very responsive lately. “You’ve got to get back on your game! You used to be one of my best students, acing almost all the tests, turning in your homework on time, participating in classroom discussions. Now you’ve totally lost it. You’re probably irritated with me telling you this over and over again but I’m doing it because I care about you. I know who you are and a C student isn’t it. The year is nearly over which means you have to work extra hard through the next couple weeks. Especially since I don’t believe in extra credit assignments. Now, are we clear?”
“Yeah,” I mumbled.
“No. Not ‘yeah’. ‘Yes, Mr. Erikson!” He said happily.
“Yes, Mr. Erikson!” I chirped as happily as I could manage.
“Better. Now run off to lunch. And don’t forget what I said!”
I stuck my thumb up in the air as Maddie, Lawren, and I walked out of the classroom.
“Erikson is right,” Lawren said. “You have to raise your game!”
“I’m doing the best I can. And I don’t think it even matters anymore. I’ve got the required amount of credits to graduate so what’s the point?”
“The point is the grades you’re going to get. No good university will accept you with horrible grades,” Maddie said.
“I’ve thought college a lot.” That was a lie. I’ve only thought about college when someone brought it up. “And I’ve decided to go to a community college. I’ve sent in the application and everything.”
“What?!” Lawren yelled. “Why?”
“Well… it doesn’t really matter. A college is a college. I don’t need a fancy-schmancy college with a fancy-schmancy name. As long as I get my education I’m content.”
Lawren rolled his eyes. “That’s crazy. My parents would never approve of me going to a community college.”
“Well, Lawren. Natalia is right. It doesn’t matter where you get your education. As long as you have it you’re going to be fine!”
We walked into the cafeteria and I went to sit next to Blaine, Chloe, and Kevin who already had their lunches while Maddie and Lawren got theirs.
“Aren’t going to eat,” Blaine said. It wasn’t a question.
“Do you want my apple?” Chloe asked me.
“Why not?” I said and took it from her so they wouldn’t worry. I wasn’t very hungry because I had a granola bar and a tall glass of coffee this morning but I took a bite of the apple anyway.
Ever since I got back to school people started keeping a close eye on me. They always asked me how I was and I’d lie saying I was fine. I felt like every move I made was monitored in and out of school. I’m not saying that I was being stalked but I just felt like people were always worried about me. Most of the people are very sensitive to my feelings, being sure to say the right thing so I wouldn’t be reminded but those who weren’t including Taylor made sure that I heard every word they said about him. They’d stare at me as I walked down the hall, whisper to their friends, and laugh. The thing I hate was that I just ignored and kept walking with my head down. I had no more confidence, I wasn’t able to defend myself like I used to. Alex helped me now and then but she wasn’t with me all the time. When someone would say something that somehow reminded me of him I would skip a period and stay in the bathroom stalls, crying. I thought that I wouldn’t do that now that three months passed but it still felt like just yesterday.
“Natalia!” Alex yelled in my ear.
I jumped. “Yes?”
“Jeez. You were staring off into space again. Anyways, you want my salad?”
“I just had an apple,” I said and held up the apple with four bites in it.
Alex rolled her eyes. I was sure my parents were in on this-trying to get me to eat but eat healthy because whenever I did eat, I’d eat a chocolate bar and a muffin and consider it dinner.
“I’ll save it for you just in case,” she said.
I crossed my arms on the table and laid my head down.
“Sleepy?” Kevin asked.
I nodded my head with my eyes closed.
“Hey, Natalia,” Lawren said suddenly. “Do you want to hang out after school?”
“And do what?” I asked, looking up at him.
“You know… just hang out. We haven’t done anything fun in a long time.”
Blaine slapped his forehead and sighed. “‘We haven’t done anything fun in a long time’? That’s the best you can do?”
“Well, I didn’t know what to say!” Lawren said.
“I know that you guys are trying to help me but the truth is that I’m absolutely fine. Really.”
They all looked at my dubiously.
“Well… fine enough.”
“Okay, how about we hang out for real?” Lawren asked. “You choose what we do.”
I shrugged my shoulders. “Anything.”
“C’mon! I know there’s something you’re dying to do,” he said all too enthusiastically.
“Go home,” I mumbled.
“Go home it is!”
I sighed in response.
When school was finally over Lawren and I got onto the school bus to go home. I took the school bus now. I had a car but I gave the car to Jayant and his fiancée, Harlie as a little early wedding gift. I told them to never bring it back to my house because the car reminded me of too much. I wasn’t sad to see my Mercedes drive off with a new owner. I was relieved actually. It was better off with Jayant and Harlie than leaving it on the side of the freeway which was my first option.
“So what do you want to do?” He asked as we sat in my backyard.
I shrugged my shoulders. “You’re the one who wanted to hang out.”
“Okay then…. Want to cook something?”
“Cook something?” I asked.
“Yeah! We used to love cooking breakfast as a snack.”
“That was a long time ago,” I muttered and looked down at the grass.
“What? Are you too old for that?”
“No, no, no. I was just saying that we haven’t done that in a long time. I kind of miss it.”
“Well, c’mon! Let’s go make breakfast!” He jumped up and run back into the house, dragging me behind him.
“What do you want to make? Pancakes? Waffles?”
“Crepes,” I said involuntarily. The word just escaped my lips.
“Uhm… I don’t know how to make that,” he said.
“It’s okay, it’s okay. Pancakes are good,” I said waving my hand in the air.
“Alright!” He turned around and dug in the pantry for the ingredients.
I closed my eyes and sighed. Crepes. He used to always make crepes for breakfast. I just realized how much I missed his cooking. The delicious smell, the surprising preparations…. I shook my head, trying to think of something else.
“Do you need any help?” I asked.
“Do you have blueberries?”
“Yeah. They’re in the fridge. I’ll go get them.” I went over to the fridge and searched for the blueberries to try to get my mind off of him.
“The blueberries are right there, Natalia,” Lawren said pulling out the plastic box of blueberries from the top shelf after at least three minutes of searching.
“Oh. Right,” I said.
“You’re so out of it,” he said and chuckled.
“I’m sorry. It’s just that my brain isn’t cooperating with me.” I smacked the side of my head three times.
“You can just sit down and I could cook if you want. It doesn’t look like you’re enjoying this as much as you used to,” he mumbled.
“A lot of things has changed since that time, okay?!” I yelled, suddenly irritated. I looked down at my hands that were slammed against the counter top. They were slowly draining themselves of color and my vision was getting blurry. I squeezed my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose, taking deep breaths of air. When I was sure I was in control, I opened my eyes.
Lawren was staring at me then set the berries down on the counter. “Alright then. I’m going to leave since it seems like I’m being a nuisance to you. I don’t mean to be insensitive but you really need to get yourself together, Natalia.”
He grabbed his backpack and headed out the door without looking back at me.
I threw my head back and groaned with my hands over my face.
“Hello!” Jayant called as he walked through the front door.
“In here,” I called wearily.
“Yeah right! I doubt he’s coming back. Natalia is going to end up marrying Lawren or something,” my sister, Nicolette retorted as she turned on the TV.
“He is coming back,” my little brother, Jonathon said quietly.
“What’s up?” Jayant said as he walked into the kitchen and pulled open the fridge door.
“I just got into another fight with Lawren,” I mumbled.
“Oh yeah! I saw him walking home. He looked angry.”
“He’s angry?” I asked, incredulous. “He’s the one that told me that I had to get myself together! Who is he to tell me what I have to do?”
“Natalia… no offense but I kind of agree with him. You aren’t the brightest star in space. Speaking of space it seems like that’s where your head is all the time,” he said as he took a sip of his orange juice.
“You all are being inconsiderate of my feelings! You don’t understand what I went through. None of you do!” I yelled at him. I jumped out of my chair and ran up the stairs.
I slammed my door behind me and laid on my bed, burying my face into my pillow as I began crying and transforming into Clarabelle.